Where did my gratitude go? I swear I left it right here somewhere...
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I love this thread. It always makes me cry and then feel better again - and then cry again.
I come on here to rant and rave and then see everyone else's problems and realise I'm not at all alone. I've been thinking about the future or not thinking about it depending on where you stand.
The future I had planned for myself, a lifetime in the making, has gone. It required a lot of sacrifice to reach that point of early retirement.
The grand old family home sold in no time at all and I move into the beachside bachelorette pad, bought 20 years earlier as my superannuation fund, low maintenance everything.
I had it all taken care of. My horse at the ready, the kayak on the trolley.
I was about to buy a horse float/caravan thingy so Blacky and I could go for adventures.
The person that was going to do those things has vanished.
I sit here at home, happy not having to leave the house or see anyone - that's not me.
I don't believe I'll be alive in 5 years but that doesn't worry me much - that's not me either.
The idea of travelling seems impossible with my energy levels.
I only want to see people one on one.
There's no depression, anxiety or panic but more an acceptance that life is shitty - I hate people who say that.
The only part of me that I recognize is the crying part.
It's always there, just below the surface, waiting for a word, song, piece of news, to erupt.
I'm feeling bad, my horse has to be out of his agistment by next Sunday. It's so sad. All the horses have to go. They have been a herd for so long, no one left once you got your horse in here. Blacky is in love with a pinto mare. He frets badly when she's taken out on walks and they are really attached. Just thinking of him in a new paddock without his herd or girlfriend distresses me and I've not been able to think about anything else.
I've warned my neighbours that I might have to put him in the garden for a while - I still have nowhere to put him with 5 days to go. I've looked at heaps of sub standard places with too many bored horses standing around.0 -
It sucks @PatsyN! I'm not a horsey person but I married into a horsey family and I understand how much the situation must upset you. (We joke that my SIL runs a retirement home for horses and tucks them in at night.) Where is Blacky's girlfriend going - is there any way that he can go there, too or is it to one of the not-so-good places. You probably know more about this than me, but are there any places with horses that would allow you to agist him there? The local horse vet might know. Or farms with teenage girls? If you lived in Adelaide, I would contact my SIL but Byron's just a bit too far away. I do hope you find a solution soon.
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Thanks ladies, @kmakm don't get me wrong i still make travel plans, also have always will, and our eldest is getting married in june next year
so i have that to look forward too, its like my brain switches off when i try to picture myself as old. i feel like that should be spoken about as well if so many people feel that, and its fine for everyone to say 'but you have to be positive; okay i positively can't picture ever not working and that sucks bickies, but the alternate is that i can't work because i get sick again and i don't want that either, after not googling graves for months as i didn't have the head space for more bad news, i turned to googling other auto immune diseases as clearly i will get another (Some kind soul told me most people get at least 2, so i was trying to pick which one i would be okay with.....like i get to pick which one. But my specialist was pretty confident my ct scan triggered the graves. ps love the word discomuluating, had to google that as well. 1 -
Hey guys @kezmusc @kmakm @Sister I have agistment.
It's 15 minutes from my place in Bangalow, where Blacky was born.
Not the same farm, but just up the road.
It's very English riding school style with the best arena I've seen.
We move on Sunday morning. Only about 15 minutes in the float.
I shall sleep easy tonite.9 -
I'll sleep easier too @patsyn I just couldn't respond to your post because there was absolutely nothing useful I could say. It's a recurring nightmare for me too--if I lose Big's paddock, he is doomed. It makes me feel sick.
So glad that you have resolved the Blacky dilemma. Mxxx
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That's great news @PatsyN hope he settles into his new home . Have a great sleep tonight .
It reminded me of when I was a child & my dad brought us home a large pony !! Not sure why or how he paid for it !!
Of course we had no where to keep it so he stayed in our back yard for a while !!
I can only imagine how annoyed my mum must have been & i'm sure my dad was in big trouble !!
He was often tethered in neighborhood empty blocks of land near our primary school ,of course we thought it was very cool ! This was not in the country but suburban Mt Waverley !!:)
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