Get Well soon Dear K. @kmakm
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@Eastmum Much better thank you. Food went in and waste came out. And for the first time since the op I was hungry!
Nights are harder though; I'm doing my best to keep myself out of the slough of despond.
The big reveal today was my belly button. My (peculiar) plastic surgeon told me he'd keep my original (good, I've never had an argument with it, always thought it was a good 'un) but since surgery it's been under cotton wool and tape so I've not been sure what's been lurking beneath.
The cotton wool was pretty manky and the tape was coming off so Nurse Jade removed it and we had a look. It is still the original, though it's definitely had a facelift! In the stretching of my belly to join the two incision edges it's a bit shallower now.
Mondo bizzaro, I never thought I'd be spending a Saturday night discussing my navel on an internet forum...1 -
@tigerbeth @AllyJay The last five months have seen a LOT of crying in the shower! My home circumstances have dictated the need to keep up a brave face. As a result the valve has released quite often in a medical environment. And at night in the shower.
I am normally a pretty dry eyed person! I wonder if I'll return to her or whether this is one of the permanent changes? My mother said her BC changed her emotions in some areas.0 -
Ooh @kmakm I didn’t know there was belly button involvement in a DIEP flap! I haven’t researched it much yet, seeing that with almost certain radiation coming my way, my expanders will probs be my buddies for about a year.
I noticed in DIEP photos that ladies’ navals have been taped up and I wondered why? Now the big reveal!
I haven’t seen the bottom of my belly button since I was 9 months pregnant - how funny!
So glad to hear your appetite is up and your body’s processing all that smashed avo like it’s supposed to - smashed avo in hospital = Melbourne as definitely the most hipster city.
Weeping is so cathartic. I wish I could do more of it. Wanna hear a secret? I have not shed one tear since I was diagnosed. Actually that’s a lie - I did shed a tear or two of relief when I tore open the results of my staging scans in the car park and saw ‘no metastasis detected’ - so those were happy tears. But not one weep for me - and that’s NOT a good thing. I know that sooner or later it will all build up so much that it will come flooding out and woah anyone in the way. Letting it all out is so much better.
Sleep well and enjoy your last day in hospital tomorrow! Xxxx0 -
@kmakm...I must say the excessive lachrymal leaking has pretty much stopped now, but it did last about a year. Crying. for me was also something seldom done before this. My late (fuck he's not late, he's dead)brother and I spent five years in a childrens' home, where crying marked you out for bullying and afterwards, when she remarried and took us out, the female who gave birth to me used to have a quaint habit of beating me with whatever was at hand and yelling "cry you bitch and I'll stop". So for me to be reduced to this blubbering mess was quite a shock, but once the valve was opened, it just flowed. For me, on reflection, I think it was the feeling that my own body had betrayed me...parents, the general public, friends, whoever...fine, but my own body going feral and trying to do me in...Nuhhh. But I reckon it did me the world of good in the end, as it was a great pressure release, which I had seldom utilised before. Happy eating and pooping...both take on a whole new significance, don't they? xoxo
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@Eastmum We are all different and we all know that grief is individual, and not linear. However, separate comments from both my oncologist and (breast cancer specialising) psychologist have indicated the importance of acknowleging and processing the grief of a BC diagnosis.
I know that I'm a lot damper because of the previous five years of family trauma, not just because of my BC.
@melclarity has written beautifully about the timing of her grief process.
You've still got a way to go in your treatment, and I'm told that for many it's when active treatment finishes and survivorship starts that it hits them. See how you go, I wouldn't worry about it now, if indeed you are! K xox
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All caught up now Kate. So glad you are on the improve on such a difficult part of your treatment. X1
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@Eastmum it is strange isn't it, I didn't think about the navel either with the Diep flap reconstruction. I got a new navel lol, because the surgery involves taking away the lower abdominal skin/flap if they didn't create a new navel generally with the tummy tuck the navel would be too low,so it depends. Mine is higher up than it was normally, its odd and strange how they do it, but Im happy. My first diagnosis I don't recall crying really, it was possibly once I got through radiation that I fell apart due to exhaustion of working full time and rearing 2 kids alone. 2nd diagnosis 4yrs later was beyond shocking, but kept it together through surgeries and treatment...fell apart and struggled through chemo. 1yr post as recommended I decided after genetic counselling that was negative that I'll do a single mastectomy and could only do a diep flap recon due to having radiation as my skin was too fragile and thin which is normal. My PS wouldnt do an implant, something i didnt know, but was happy about. Mentally and emotionally it was the lead in to this surgery where the previous 5/6 years came crashing down all at once. I'd always been an incredibly strong woman and I didn't get why then. The beauty of that was, post surgery I cried once and haven't since. Im now 1yr post surgery and complete and 3yrs clear 2nd time and come to a new place of acceptance of my path...I don't believe that we ever find acceptance of getting BC but rather the path we travel as we get through. Everyone is so different, my PS always said it will hit before this surgery or after, mine was before and Kate has experienced it after. Either way its so incredibly normal and complex..reconstruction is NO walk in the park and takes much courage. You will get there step by step and sound like you are doing a fantastic job already. xx
Kate you are doing better than you could ever think, even when it feels like 2 steps forward 10 steps back...hugs xo2 -
I think that I'm just getting along from one day to the next and congratulating myself (most days) on keeping my head just above water. Then I read what many of you have gone through to get to this point and I feel like a complete wuss. I know that we all do what we have to but I am in awe.1
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@Primek Thanks Kath xox
"Acceptance of the path" - I really like that concept @melclarity. Making a note.
@Sister Your words often strike me as full of the unspoken, and I am always impressed by you. Please don't be hard on yourself. K
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@Sister please, your path is just as traumatic as anyone else! You are not a wuss - we all roll differently and you are dealing with each day in your own way.
When we read other posts some are more traumatic than mine or perhaps yours but it is still traumatic!
I am 3 years since diagnosis, suffer side effects, high risk of uterine cancer according to Med Onc and I haven't shed a tear! The only tear was whilst I was in the holding bay waiting to go in for Mastectomy and the nurse offered a tissue but I closed my eyes and they didn't hit my face. We are all different but it still affects us and acceptance is a huge part
Excellent words from @melclarity "Acceptance of the path"
Take care
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@sister not 1 person diagnosed is a wuss! everything is completely relative to each person, I too at your stage was exactly the same just getting through step by step, don't ever discount what you are going through or have been through. It really is so relevant to us as individuals. We have no control over the path we will travel, but I guess we have a say in how we try to deal with it...and that's very quietly and specifically what is best for each for us. The one thing to know is...that's it's not that you 'may' make it through treatment of any kind, there's a certainty that you will and surgeries etc., and you will get down the track and wonder how? I know I did. Im still amazed at where I am now and I would never have thought. I am back full time, yes it took me a few years to do as I had to learn to walk again. But one foot in front of the other and it doesnt matter how long it takes but things improve over time. xx4
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@Allyjay I cannot imagine what you went through, it's just unfathomable and then to go through this?? how could you not feel that way. I absolutely agree, that pressure valve has to blow! it's the best thing to release because we don't realise what builds up over the years. xx1
