Family Drama
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Ok, I give up, my message disappeared again. I'll try again tomorrow .0
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yes when I went to summit I met primek, we are friends now and we often laugh,cry with each other via here as we are at opposite ends of NSW
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@SoldierCrab, nothing in my drafts . Aagh!0
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In a nutshell, you don't need any negatives in your life right now @kmakm , blocking was the right thing to do and cut all correspondence. Right now you need only positive energy to concentrate on your imminent major surgery, your four children and your husband. Blocking may inflame her but it won't hurt you. Clear her from your mind and replace with thoughts that make you happy, knowing you are doing your best and trying your hardest. Right now you need to concentrate on you. Xxxxx
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Kmakm,
I just realised I could share something with you 2 very toxic people in my life kept over stepping boundaries..... when I had my bilateral mastectomy I asked the surgeon and he named each breast ... X & Y (wont share their names here) and I told him I was evicting them from my life when he removed my breasts ..... Since then neither X nor Y have encroached into my personal space ..... I had taken back my control of how they were overstepping my boundaries ..... it really helped me to do that.
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Hi @SoldierCrab. Those articles are very interesting. I am going to take some time in the next few days to think about, absorb and maybe apply them.
Over the last few years, as the disasters have rolled through our family, I've worked to let go of the things I can't control. It's a work in progress. I'm a fan of the AA serenity prayer.
My clumsy expression of being all in my head was me trying to talk about the not my circus, not my monkeys metaphor. I know, despite what's happening to me, that life can't be all about me. However, according to the other article, about how to not say the wrong thing, I am the one in the centre of the circle at the moment!
My family situation is terribly complicated. You can probably surmise from my story that the bulk of the burden of care falls on my shoulders, and no one else's. If I fall over, the whole thing collapses. So then I go and get cancer, and my remaining sibling chooses to attack me at an incredibly vulnerable moment. I am genuinely shocked and deeply hurt. I don't know what to do with this pain, on top of all the others.
My reaction to this, and my breast cancer, is of course not just based on those instances alone, but on the sum of my life experiences. I believe this to be true for everyone, plus a fair bit of nature as well. I know I'm not alone in these struggles, or in having a 'poor me' moment. But I remain flabbergasted.
Going away with the husband and three youngest tomorrow. Hopefully the change of scene will be restorative. Thank you for your wisdom.1 -
Thank you @tigerbeth, you're very sweet and I appreciate it. We will definitely meet one day soon! K xox0
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I found not responding at the time helpful. I was very emotional and got upset easily and my adrenaline easily skyrocketed. So if a text or email...don't respond straight away. Sit on it. And respond when you are mentally strong enough. Check numbers of incoming calls and be selective. It's not selfish but survival.
If needing a response. ..just something like. ..I'm currently very unwell and can't help with this but will look at it when I am feeling better.
People have no idea what its like to have a diagnosis if they've not experienced it. It's not a bloody cold. It's totally mind and body consuming
Just a thought. Kath X2 -
@Kiwi Angel Couldn't agree with you more about the fabulous people here. Being with you all is like a big warm hug!
And yes @Finch was radiant in a pretty blue scarf and turban!1 -
@Primek I have sometimes delayed my responses to her, but sometimes I think I am too conciliatory. I did respond immediately this time, but not at length. I really like your suggested response. I have screen shotted it to help me remember next time it happens. If it hasn't broken down irretrievably. @Romla & @Sister both cautioned delaying reacting as well. I'll have to tell my Irish hothead genes to settle down... Thank you xox0
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@SoldierCrab Love the X & Y story!1
