Family Drama

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  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
    @kmakm as long as your husband deflects the pressure off of you  and he should be distant enough to carry it . But timing is everything - I’m not keen on reacting preferring , if I can , to act when I am calm and able to think clearly . ie better to be in control of yourself rather than under the control of others. Not sure if I said this well enough.Also I have noted others seem to get rattled if you don’t rise to their bait.
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,961 ✭
    @kmakm The reason I put in about "to the extent that you are able" is because you need to be aware that any reaction from you is going to inflame things in the short-term and you are probably not in a place to deal with that at the moment.  Excellent advice for your husband to be a gatekeeper but only if he and you are up for it.  Avoidance for the time being, until you are mentally and emotionally stronger, could be the best thing.  Only you know what you are prepared to do.  I spent many years, on and off, putting emotional distance between my sister and me and trying to protect my Mum from manipulation so I know it's not easy.
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092 ✭
    Just a suggestion - write a letter to your sister saying all you feel/think then BURN it.It is a safe way to vent at this point and might reduce your tension .
  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952 ✭
    @kmakm that is lovely they u are off to see @Finch. I think it will be so great for both of u xo
  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952 ✭
    edited April 2018
    @kmakm - that’s fabulous. It was perfect timing for u guys to meet with everything that is going on for u both. I hope @Finch was rocking a fabulous new scarf. This is a horrible experience but to me such fabulous people is a blessing!!
  • tigerbeth
    tigerbeth Member Posts: 539 ✭
    @kmakm Glad you had a lovely day , would've called you but I was at work !! 
    You certainly don't need anymore drama n your life, so glad your husband has got your back !
    love & hugs to you 
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,429 ✭
    Kmakm  http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407 this is a great piece of advice.... 

    DO you know the illustration about the circle in the square ? 
    YOU are in the circle  everyone else is either in the square but outside your circle or outside the square.... 
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/depression-management-techniques/201412/not-my-circus-not-my-monkeys
  • Tennille
    Tennille Member Posts: 174 ✭
    Sometimes you just need to weed the garden regardless of that weed having a pretty flower or not.
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,429 ✭
    Kmakm I hope you read this as a positive as I am definitely not suggesting otherwise but A friend taught me about it not being my circus.... while I was going through chemo....  I now just let those not in my circle  go and let them be  their own masters and not stress over their reactions or non reactions to things .... it has helped me to let it go and allowed me to enjoy my space with my inner circle (ie) my kids and my close friends.

  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,429 ✭
    here is the second part of it ... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/depression-management-techniques/201412/not-my-circus-not-my-monkeys-0

  • Finch
    Finch Member Posts: 302 ✭
    We did not stop talking once did we @kmakm
  • Finch
    Finch Member Posts: 302 ✭
    My whole message has disappeared ????? 
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,429 ✭
    Look in your drafts @Finch

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