I just want to say I have had an absolutely shit day because of my family. Not the one I live with, but the one I was born into. I won't bore you with the details, but I've been incredibly upset, and my stress levels, already high, are now through the roof.What do other people do when they have family dramas mid-treatment?I know that it is hard to get out of your own head when you are dealing with BC. Since I had the call back letter from BreastScreen it has been virtually impossible for me to think of anything else. But I have tried, especially with my family. I have plastered smiles on my face, I have tried not to worry them. I'm trying so hard to keep everything going. We are told to de-stress our lives to protect and improve our health. But what if the stress is from the people who supposedly love you, but who choose to either obstruct you, deliberately refuse to help, or actively attack you (for petty reasons while they are on holiday on the other side of the world I might add) while you are recovering from chemotherapy and preparing to lose your breasts?? I don't know how to untangle this knot.I don't think I've put this very well, but I hope you get my conundrum. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? How do I cope with family drama while having treatment for breast cancer?

Tell them to f#@k off. Seriously. If the whole shebang falls apart because you aren't holding it together, too bad. Family is overrated. There seems to be this mad idea that if you are related to someone you have to endure what ever bullshit they deal out. Really?Are these the sort of people you would volunteer to spend time with if there was no blood tie? If the answer is no, abandon ship. Leave them to it. Bad behaviour flourishes when someone else holds the fort and encourages it.That's probably enough mixed metaphors for this time of the morning, but you did ask for advice. Mxxx

hi there @kmakm we too had dramas with family whilst I was going through chemo. long story but the best thing we did was just disconnect from them and still do it was the best therapy and its only when you step back that you realise just how toxic they have been in the past and sometimes its for the best that's for sure so no regrets from us for doing that. Since my diagnosis ive made an executive decision that I just don't want anyone in my life that doesn't really give a shit about me or my family or has time for me or my family, it was all very one sided there at one stage and hence why we have cut them out of our lives now so its a good thing for me and my husband mentally, nor do I tolerate dickheads anymore like I used to either. I just don't have time for them. I know @zoffiels advice might seem harsh to some but I totally agree its sometimes for the best and I know we are so much better off without all the extra stress. Margie xx

Digging holes works for me. Ive got someone who's on the verge of being given The Treatment. Problem is, she pays me and I need the work.Yesterday I tried a couple of things to let off steam instead of telling her to fuck off. I chainsawed for a while, but that just made me shitty because one saw wouldn't idle properly and the other had a stubbornly dull chain. So I decided to dig some nice big holes in preparation for planting a new section of garden.That worked a treat. The ground is like concrete so I augered and crowbarred and sweated for a while. Then I filled my holes up with water. When a couple wouldn't drain I got in there and Stabbed and Stabbed with my crowbar until the ground gave up a bit. Then I dug some more. Then I added gypsum and water crystals and cow shit and ash and burnt soil from the bon fire. More water. More stabbing. Voila! I'm totally shagged, I haven't picked up the phone or got in the car to deliver the message personally and I have half a dozen lovely holes to plant trees in when I rains over the weekend. That is a win. Today, well, we will see.

My lovely holes will not go to waste, but a brief skirmish involving terms like 'Jamb it" and 'Screw you" just earned me a pay rise. Go figure. The lesson? Sometimes people will muck you around just because they can and it's only when you pack up your gear and threaten to piss off that they realize your value. That is, of course, another head game which can go badly wrong, but if that's how you feel and you are prepared to wear the consequences, why not? I've saved the 'f' word for the next round. Remarkable restraint on my behalf, I must say.

I haven't got an easy answer for you @kmakm but @zoffiel is right - to the extent that you are able. It's hard for me to say because I no longer have any family but if they're bringing you down that badly you have a right to say it and leave, hangup, whatever. Of course, you can only do that knowing that there is a possibility that the relationships may break down irretrievably as a consequence. Not a great choice, I know. Hugs to you.

Family Drama | BCNA Online Network

80 Replies

Sister
Member
8 years ago
Yes, I agree with @kmakm. One day we might all be in the same place and be able to see what makes each other tick.
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
I'd love to hear about it over a glass of two @Zoffiel. It sounds like it'd be an entertaining life story!
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
My moxy has dropped me into trouble you would not believe. Its also saved my arse. It has not been a dull life :)
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
I hear you @Zoffiel. And your moxy is impressive.
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
My lovely holes will not go to waste, but a brief skirmish involving terms like 'Jamb it" and 'Screw you" just earned me a pay rise. Go figure.
The lesson? Sometimes people will muck you around just because they can and it's only when you pack up your gear and threaten to piss off that they realize your value. That is, of course, another head game which can go badly wrong, but if that's how you feel and you are prepared to wear the consequences, why not? I've saved the 'f' word for the next round. Remarkable restraint on my behalf, I must say.
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Loving the uke tips @arpie
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
A bit more productive for @Romla
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
A holiday hole for @Zoffiel
arpie
Member
8 years ago
AND ... after all that intense physical activity - you should sleep really well too!!! :)

The truth is, that you can't get on with all the people all the time - even family (or in @Zoffiels case .... the boss!!) LOL I had a Headmaster boss who was a bit like your boss ....and just had to laugh! In my head, I was telling him to Fxxx OFF all the time (and other things!!) Years later - I realised it was the start of me going thru menopause (and didn't realise it!) & I swear I was the grumpiest person EVER to go thru menopause! LOL So maybe it was ME after all! LOL

With Uke - you NEVER have nothing to do!! :) I tell my guys to NOT pack it away in the bag/case ..... leave it out, near your favourite evening chair, so that during adverts, you can just pick it up & have a go ..... Sometimes there is a nice tune on a show or advert & I try & work it out 'in real time'! All part of the fun & a real challenge! :)
Romla
Member
8 years ago
Great point made by @Zoffiel - release anger and hurt with intense physical activity.Good time to knead bread dough too ! PS Unproductive though it may be hitting the mattress with a tennis racquet is another option

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