Letting go of blame - WHY did I get cancer?
I've just listened to BCNA's excellent podcast: What you don't know until you do, and one of the comments there made me want to share something that might bring comfort to anyone wondering “Why me?” When I was diagnosed, I went straight to questioning what I might have done wrong. I think a lot of us do. It’s easy to assume cancer comes from our own doing - e.g. drinking, not exercising enough, or eating poorly. But in my case, none of that fits. I have never smoked or drank alcohol (!), and for decades now I’ve exercised daily and eat a vegetarian/pescatarian diet with no dairy, no processed food, and very limited processed sugar etc. Over the last years, I'm moved to a job that's relatively stress-free and giving me much satisfaction and flexibility. I’m young, healthy, lean, muscly, and don’t carry any of the high-risk genes. And still, I got breast cancer. I’m not sharing this to scare anyone or suggest healthy habits don’t matter. They absolutely do — and I believe they’re helping me now in recovery, physically and mentally, and hopefully they've contributed to having less aggressive cancer type. But I’m sharing it in case it helps some of you lift some guilt. If you’ve been blaming yourself for a glass of wine, skipped workouts, or a part of your diet — please don’t. Cancer is complex, and sometimes it just happens, even when you’ve done everything “right.” Sending love and strength to everyone going through this. *Moderators - pls feel free to remove if not appropriate*Do I stay or do I go?
Not your average post. Originally a backpacker from the UK, been in Aus 5 years and have moved onto a work sponsorship visa with my employer. I live in a very remote area and it is a 4 hour flight to my nearest 'treatment centre'. Two weeks ago it was confirmed (via biopsy) that in my left breast I have a 2mm invasive mass, and 10cm of non invasive DCIS. I had a contrast mamo and PET scan (no result yet) and scheduled for an MRI on the 6th June, and appointment with the surgeon to discuss options on the 10th June. My breast dr said the surgeon will recommend a mastectomy due to the large area of DCIS. Possibly chemo, radio and hormone therapy. They are also talking about what I want to do with my eggs. I am so scared, and I am not sleeping. I am only 34 years old without children. I don't know what to do, do I stay here in Australia and undergo the treatment recommended and stay near the hospital with the mother of a friend (who has also had breast cancer and has said she is more than happy to support me through required treatment). I love my life here that I have built over the past 5 years, and I love my job. I am scared I will lose my job with the next few months of treatment coming up (very little can be done remotely), my visa is tied to my job. I may get deported mid way through treatment? I dont know? I know I should speak to an immigration lawyer but I am already inundated with administration from cancer. My family back home are very supportive and will support whichever decision I make. They and I am also wary of the health care system back at home (which isn't in great shape). If I go home, I will take all my diagnosis letters and scans, but I will still have to start this process again from the start and basically be told twice I have cancer and they want to chop my breast off. I wont be able to get a job due to appointments and treatment, and wont be entitled to benefits as I haven't paid tax in my home country for 5 years. Its not just cancer anymore, I am not scared of the cancer as such as my whole life here being ripped away from under my feet. Sorry for the long post. I just don't know what to do for the best. Either way, I need to stay here until I have the full picture and know what the surgeon wants to do.
Guilt
Thanks to BCNA and the forum contributors (my new friends). I was diagnosed with IDC this week at 49 and have been 'battling' my emotions rather than sitting into them. That stops now. A couple of family and friends have tried to console me by dismissing my emotions. "Oh, you'll be fine. So-and-so had breast cancer and she's fine." "It's like appendicitis. You'll get it cut out and move on." "With all the advancements in treatment, it's not like it can kill you anymore." "You're not special. Everyone has some form of cancer these days." I was starting to feel guilty for being so emotional. I felt like I needed to get over myself and just deal with it quietly and confidently. I'm lucky I have a supportive husband... and you all!WHO do I tell?
I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer 2 weeks ago and had a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy last week. I’m recovering , but figuring out support has been tricky. I’m single, with a small close circle — amazing women who are already doing what they can, but they’re busy and going through a lot themselves. I know I need more help, but the next layer of friends includes people who always overshare others private news. I’m hesitant to open up, even though some of them might be able to support me practically. I also love my privacy, alone time I'm not good at asking for what I want/ need - and so far have managed. So I’m a bit stuck between needing more help and not being sure who I feel safe relying on. Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you decide who to tell or lean on — especially when trust or privacy was a concern? Should I even worry about privacy - would it be so bad if the whole world knew...? I prob feel it might from romantic and future job perspective... Thank you in advance!Emotional speed bumps
Hi, I'm trying to figure out how to prepare for life post-mastectomy. I got my diagnosis a week ago and have been managing well, but then I tried to join a FB group for people going flat and got hit hard by a gatekeeper question. The question was something like, "Have you had a mastectomy?" Options: 1. Yes 2. No, but I'm looking at my options 3. No, but I am supporting a loved one who has. The curious thing is that I felt completely left out by this option list. I wanted the option: No, but I am about to. I got all teary and had to write about it. Funny what sets us off. Anyway, I would love some tips about clothes to wear during recovery that are easy to manage and don't make me stand out.
DCIS, DMX reconstruction new diagnosis
Recently diagnosed DCIS Stage 0. Opting for DMX and reconstruction using my tummy fat same day…. Videos and some social media groups are TBH quite confronting and disturbing. I would rather know but….. Reading and hearing how awful the recovery is, pain, discomfort, loss of movement and after some helpful tips to prepare please: particularly diet, did you change your diet pre surgery? High protein to help with recovery? Can you recommend a website or recipe site? Things post surgery: hire a recliner to rest in, did you hire a wedge or breast pillow as well? Button up shirts and pjs, anything else that you found useful please? I’ve heard about the drains which sound daunting… what do i need to do with them? Toileting and cleaning myself… I hear you can’t put your arm around your back to wipe? I’ve got wet wipes but …. Don’t want to ask my partner to wipe my bum? Diet after surgery to avoid constipation. Any tips would be greatly appreciated thank you so so much.
Post surgery Rehab options
Hi all, hope you all are doing fine. I wanted to share my experience in y BC journey and also want to get some expert advice/ help if you have been thru this already. I was diagnosed with a stage 3 Triple positive BC last July. Since then I have been going through Chemotherapy and targeted therapy as advised my Breat surgeon and Oncologist. I recently completed my 6th cycle of Chemo and have my surgery scheduled this Saturday on. 6Dec. I will need to undergo full Mastectomy on my left. This will be followed by immediate reconstruction- will be a lengthy process I have been told. While understandably we are all nervous , I am also hopeful that I have been thru half of my battle. I am also a mother of two, and younger one is only 2.5 years old. I am also really anxious about the post surgery situation. My Doctor has told that I should not be taking stairs post surgery after I go back home. Given that I have little kids at home and none of our bedrooms are at downstairs, I am really keen to see if I can stay at a Rehab after I am released from the hospital. This would allow me to heal for few more days and would not endanger myself with the little one ( she jumps on to my lap anytime she wants). That would also help my husband who is my only carer at this stage. Love to get some ideas and advice how can I avail the Rehab facilities. I was also told by my Insurance provider that I have restrictive coverage for Rehab. I am in a tricky situation ( and am sure many of you are ) and wanting see what support can I get at this very difficult time. Many thanks and wish me luck!
Looking for IVF specialist who knows menopause/tamoxifen
Hello! First time poster here. I was diagnosed with triple positive BC in 2022. We welcome our first baby born via surrogacy in 2023 but have one more embryo that I’m going to transfer myself because I’ve had 2.5 years on tamoxifen and no sight of reoccurrence. My Oncologist said okay yesterday! I am hoping to find an IVF specialist in Australia- preferably Bris that has dealt with my situation before - medical menopause and 2.5 years tamoxifen. Has anyone heard of a doctor like this? I’m happy to do Telehealth. My current doctor is Tiana Ernst at City Fertility Brisbane (where our embryo is) who is lovely but want to be sure I research for our best chance. Thank you!Thank you to the carers of those with breast cancer 💖
‘If you’re not in a good place then it's really hard to look after someone else’ Stuart Diver’s message to those caring for someone with breast cancer is: Prioritise your mental and physical health Access resources like BCNA’s My Journey which offers personalised information What tips do you have for caring for someone with breast cancer? Let us know in the comments. If you aren’t sure how to support someone in your life with breast cancer or you need help navigating your role as a carer, you can call our free and confidential Helpline for information and support on 1800 500 258 between Monday- Friday 9am – 5pm.Breast cancer diagnosis- did you have a Mirena in place, like me?
I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3.5 months ago and had a double mastectomy 3months ago. I am 44 years old. I started doing some research as a number of people I know with breast cancer who were young also had a Mirena. There is new research coming out of: -Europe that indicates that there is a 40% higher risk of breast cancer if you had a Mirena, and -Germany that shows that the Mirena can change hormone levels in the breast based on scans I had breast ultrasound scans that show I did not have breast cancer just before my Mirena was inserted 5 years ago, and that it developed post Mirena insertion. I had no genetic factors (based on testing), and no risk factors for breast cancer. It seems highly co-incidental. I also looked up the FDA documentation for Mirena approval and it states that "Spontaneous reports of breast cancer have been received during postmarketing experience with Mirena. Because spontaneous reports and voluntary and from a population of uncertain size, it is not possible to use postmarketing data to estimate the frequency or establish causal relationship to drug exposure..." I am keen to connect with other women who had a Mirena in place and then were diagnosed with breast cancer. If this is you, please respond to this post- I would love to hear your story!
