Struggling

Hi Kim, Sorry to hear that your struggling both with chemo and with guilt. The wonderful what if game can be played for minutes, hours, weeks even lifetimes, and still leave you with frustration and unanswered questions. How lucky are we all to be here, having available treatment and able to look forward to a future.  I love to look for one really beautiful moment to enjoy each day whether it's a gorgeous sunrise,  magnificent flower in my garden or savouring a good laugh with family, friends or work colleagues. Don't beat yourself up for being human!! Treatment from the initial diagnosis can be so very fast that it leaves you feeling totally bewildered, and feeling as though your trying to catch up.But you will get over the blaming, you'll get through your treatment and you are already a major force of strength. Look how far you've already come!!! Be gentle on yourself, you're doing wonderfully!! Big hugs Xx Cath

My regret was not seeing a genetic specialist again (saw one 20 years ago) just 2 years earlier. I knew I had a sucky family history and was thinking now through menopause would have ovaries removed...knew could now be tested for gene. Little did I know if done just prior menopause it may have reduced my risks. But my life was just so darn busy . My mammogram did not show my lump. I felt it.  We can't  change the past we can only look forward at what we can do now. It's  normal to have regrets. It will pass. Take care. Kath x

Hi Kimmi,
You are on the right track when you say you hope to move on and face your situation right now. I think most of us wish we had done something different, found the cancer sooner or just not got it at all!

Maybe it might help if you start looking and concentrating on what you can do to make the best of your situation right now. I tried to do things to help minimize the effects of chemo, like exercising when I could, keeping my skin moisturised, my nails cared for - little things that helped me to feel in control to some degree. I also found it helped to come on here and help others if I could. 

As as you know it takes a lot of energy to get through treatment so you don't want to waste it thinking about the past and things you cannot change. Just look at what can make your day or somebody else's day a little bit better right now. Take care and hope you feel better soon. xxx