Struggling tonight

@Julez1958  thankyou.  He is 14 now.  He still looks young like a pup.  

I would also look at and post on night owls when I was wide awake during the night.  It's a bit like the night time radio dj at night. Someone else is usually awake as you are.

hi @Locksley
What a gorgeous dog!👏👏

Hi @FiFiK
Some ladies have found posting  at night on here helps ( as well as reading other people’s posts ) .
I have a rule of no electronic devices in the bedroom so never did that but in the beginning after my diagnosis I would sometimes have a good cry at night .
Definately try some  counselling with a professional 
Also I did a mindfulness course a few years ago and took it up again.

I have a friend who had stage 3 bladder cancer 15 years ago and is a survivor and he said I could call him anytime for a chat as other cancer survivors “ get it” in a way others can’t - I never ring in the middle of the night but I know I could if I needed to.
We chat a lot and he is a great support.
There are also support groups around - do you have a McGrath breast care nurse- they might be able on point you to one.
Finally have a listen to the  Dr.  Charlotte Tottman podcasts on here - I found them very helpful.
Take care and post in here anytime - we will do our best to support you .

Here's a picture of my fur baby after I came home from a chemotherapy session.   

I had someone who knew me quite well say to me once that I would always be the first person to offer someone else help so it was OK to give myself permission to receive help.  

I found it a bit difficult to ask for help but once I let my guard down and did ask for some help it was OK.  I was OK.   

@Locksley It does help having a reason to get up and go for a walk. There were definitely days i would have rather not get up and walk but he insisted we go and usually i felt better for it. Sometimes though it was a bit of a struggle. This disease can make simple things quite the challenge.

@arpie Bringing the NIght Owls thread to the front sounds like a fantastic idea. I know I'm not alone with the swirling thoughts that happen in the wee hours of the night. Maybe I should investigate the Cannabis Oil route. I've thought about it before but haven't really researched the benefits. But if it helps with sleep it would be very welcome.

It is a mongrel disease and I know my friends and family want to help but when I am around them I feel that I have to 'fake' being okay. Its silly really because I'm sure they would be more than understanding if I fell apart. Its just something I have been used to doing over the years and am continuing a well worn path. 

Thank-you for your suggestions. Its reassuring to be reminded that there is help and that this online community is so supportive during the darker moments of this journey.

I would try and walk my dog every day too.   Some days it was only a few houses instead of the block.  But it's all movement. 

I do have a furbaby who is currently cuddling my leg. He is great company and keeps me active by insisting on a walk everyday. This journey would be even harder without his loyal attention and just his lovely dogginess.