Hi, I'm Karen, 61yo, from Victoria.I was diagnosed in September, my birthday actually, I was numb. I had been dealing with a very coercive relationship, narcissism, gaslighting the lot, to be told this news was just too much, I had all sorts going through my head, How do I tell my children? How do I do this? Why me? Everything was so hard to process and even now I'm struggling. I was told it was an Oestrogen based cancer, sorry I cant remember much of that conversation, but 2 Biopsies, the first one they biopsied the wrong lymph node, Pet scan, M.R.I and blood test later to be told sorry its not good news, well having a lump in the breast isnt good news anyway but, I had my right breast and Lymph nodes removed, then to be told its bad news I'm so sorry was another kick in the guts, 35 of my 36 nodes were affected, so onto another more thorough Pet scan, blood test and M.R.I, To get the good news that it wasn't anywhere else in my body. Now I'm preparing for Chemo to start on the 2nd of Jan and I'm absolutely terrified, I have no emotional or any other support at home, even though I'm told everyday that he cares, they say actions speak louder than words well Im yet to see any, my son who is my heart, doesn't know how to deal with this and neither do I. They have just had an Eptopic pregnancy and I'm hurting for them, we were all so excited and happy.I don't know what to do or how I'm going to do it, my living situation is so toxic to my mental health and is impacting on my son and daughter-in-law as well. My partner is trying to get me out of the house and that is something I can't deal with at the moment as I'm trying to deal with being there for my son and daughter-in-law and Chemo, I feel like I'm rambling, my life is a mess, I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the rambling talk I'm not very good at putting things on paper, everything is very disjointed.

Hi @Kaz27 it has been a rough time for besides you getting breast cancer was your partner like this before your diagnosis Im sorry to hear about your family loss that on its own would be bad enough As everyone has said one day at a time and take a breathe you have to be number 1 priority at the moment please jump on here and let off steam rant rave whatever we never judge If you can make use of the My Journey App its a very useful tool also there is a handy tick sheets that are helpful (just put tick sheet in the search 🔍 bar and go to the first page)The cancer centre that your having your chemo at can possibly put you in touch with a nurse I just copied this from the Community News and event category Our help line will re open on the 6th January If you require additional support through this time, please contact one of the following organisations: Cancer Council www.cancer.org.au or 13 11 20 (available 27-31 December from 11am – 3pm (AEDT)) Beyond Blue www.beyondblue.org.au available 24/7 Lifeline www.lifeline.org.au available 24/7 PLEASE don’t try to do this on your own. If you put a more general area in Victoria Someone on here from closer by might direct you to more specific things available near you Your post can also become like a tracker for how things are going.

Hi Karen, Sorry to see you here. We welcome everyone in to our club and yet wish no one had to be part of it. Cancer is scary. No if’s or buts. Unless you have been through it, you won’t understand the trauma it causes. Your partner may be struggling to come to terms with it as well and doesn’t know how to act. Your first priority at this point of time is you. Try to get out with some friends or go for a walk in the fresh air. Do something you enjoy. Getting our minds even partially off the cancer helps. Make up some meals and freeze them. This will help on those days that everything is just too much. Sending big hugs.

Hi @Kaz27 Sorry to see you here but as others have said we are a wealth of information between us, those that have gone before us, us and those, like you, starting out!I am a firm believer that stress has a lot to do with the state we find ourselves in - my life was extremely stressful leading up to the BC diagnosis. I had to reassess what I was doing volunteer and workwise, snub the bullies, and more importantly always smiled and said hello to the bullies when I came across them, to prove their crap may have sat heavy but I have risen up above it and never let on about my cancer diagnosis to them!For me personally I am fortunate to have been married for a very long time and my hubby is as supportive as he was from the first time, we went out together! My stresses are a little different now as I am a full-time carer for a younger sister with Dementia! It's watching someone you love to deteriorate, and you can only nurture and accept and repeat the answer to a question asked over and over!I agree with others advice, please seek some counselling - your personal life sounds in turmoil but at present you need all your emotional and physical energy to cope with and beat this, Cancer! Counselling hopefully will give you some coping mechanisms. Both on a personal level and on the Cancer level. I was put with a Counsellor the day of diagnosis and her advice was if you feel yourself starting to stress out then pat your legs saying this is me, this is now and true enough it works, as your thoughts are concentrating on the patting and yourself, it brings you into the now!Lots of help here, just please don't belt yourself up over the diagnosis, it is what it is and there's plans in place to hopefully beat it!Sad to read of the plight of your son and daughter in law.Best wishesTake care

Hi @Kaz27 🌸🌻 sending you lots of positive energy to help with all that you have going on.It sounds like the many threads you’re holding together are pulling in a few different directions; if you can, it’s okay - arguably most important- to prioritise yourself ahead of starting chemo. Perhaps talking to the call centre offered by Cancer Council might be a good support, whilst the BCNA Helpline is taking a break. Here’s the details shared with us: Cancer Council www.cancer.org.au or 13 11 20 (available 27-31 December from 11am – 3pm (AEDT)) Maybe another option is to get in touch with a breast care nurse through the McGrath Foundation as their role can often involve connecting you with other support services https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/get-support/Sending you lots of good wishes as the next few days unfold. 🌻

Hi Kaz, I know that no-one particularly wants to join this club but if you have to have breast cancer you will find that its full of beautiful, caring human beings to help support you through your journey. I have had a similar experience privately and considered reaching out to the Social Worker at Tweed Valley Hospital where I have my treatment. Is that an option for you? There is a lot of information on this website and the helpline is also worth making a call to. Some members will also offer to pm with you. I have Grade 3, Triple Negative BC and cant comment re your particular diagnosis but there is no substitute for another person living with a similar diagnosis.Sending you lots of love and healing hugs. You are the most important person in your life right now lovely lady.💖❤️💜🩷💚💙💛🩵🧡🤎🤍🖤🩶

Feeling scared and just a bit angry

paulinagtzr
Member
2 months ago
Sending love and good vibes. it is all very scary, but it is life, and some bad things come to our doors to teach us something. sending virtual hugs.
Tri
Member
3 months ago
hi @kaz27 sorry to hear about the complications with going into your second chemo session and hope you can have the treatment again to keep it moving forward.
It sure sounds like you’re doing what you can to stay positive 🌻🌸👏 and are keeping a bit of sense of humour.
You are juggling quite a bit there and that’s absolutely tough for you- sending big virtual hugs 🌻🌻❤️
Kaz27
Member
3 months ago
I have tried to bring myself back down to taking it one day at a time, and it's slow going but getting back to it. I have my breathing exercises as well. I know that everyone in this group has felt this way at times so I'm immensely grateful that I can come on here and vent and know that I'm not being judged or thought of as crazy. 😊💗
I know I have a huge task ahead of me, more court proceedings 😮‍💨, Chemo 😮‍💨, packing and sorting my life belongings 😮‍💨 and I'm sure there will be more but today it's wash the towels, cut what's left of my longer bits of hair 🤣 and have a bloody good laugh at myself 🤣🤣 short hair has never suited me, let alone no hair 🤣

Yes I've lost my hair, but I'm saving a ton on shampoo. 😂😂
Beginner
Member
3 months ago
Hi Kaz27 - sorry to hear all you have gone through. When things feel overwhelming for me, I just try to think one day at a time and try and find something that will pick me up a bit eg. Walk, nice food, watching a lighthearted show, seeing a friend etc. I hope you can get some support from your treating team, son and counsellors.
Kaz27
Member
3 months ago
Hi everyone, well headed into my second Chemo session and found I had a DVT in my left upper bicep, of course can't use the right arm, mastectomy and lymphectomy, or whatever it's called 😅
I'm on blood thinners and back to see the Dr's on Tuesday. I will most likely have to get either a Port or a PICC, whatever they suggest I suppose. I'm just trying my best to keep positive and moving forward with all the other bits of fluff that's going on in my life, but F me it's hard.
I have a great counselling team who also are my Advocates for all the legal stuff, police were told I was the aggressor in the relationship, which just floored me, I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I sometimes think physical abuse is better than mental or psychological abuse, not wanting or meaning to be offensive to anyone, I have now experienced both and one is more noticeable and proven than the other sadly. I feel stupid and like I'm going crazy at times, explaining what happened over and over, being asked was he physically violent over and over.
Sorry for the rant, just meh with everything today. 😶‍🌫️😮‍💨
I know that there is and will be light at the end of the tunnel and I will get there eventually, just having a shit lonely day.
Tri
Member
3 months ago
Oh @Kaz27 so sorry you’re grappling with these issues when you need space to stay on track with your health; I am glad you are reconnecting with people who care about and can support you ❤️🌸
I am not sure if you are regional or Melbourne based but for your legal concerns you might find the Womens Legal Service a helpful organisation. I believe they may be able to support you (if you’re eligible) or if they can’t they might connect you to services that you can access.
https://www.womenslegal.org.au/legal-services/
Sending you lots of hugs and strength 🌸🌻
cranky_granny
Member
3 months ago
@Kaz27 Glad you have gotten help in all areas. Glad that narcissistic X is out of the picture.
Not personally gone through that but my daughter did. It was hard being on the sidelines watching it all happen. It was pre 1800respect was a thing. He was physically and mentally abusive.
She has moved on but is very mentally scared from it all. She sees councillor and psychology to this day and it was 14 years ago she escaped.
Healing ❤️‍🩹 thoughts for you as you navigate you’re treatment plan ahead. Its a long road but it is doable.
How was your Chemo hope its been okay.
Keep a record of how you’re feeling after each treatment that way the team can assess you properly.
Hope you getting given some de-stress techniques
mine were invaluable. I Still use them today when needed.
Jump on here and let us know how you’re going when you feel up to it.
Kaz27
Member
3 months ago
I just want to say how thankful I am to everyone that has replied to me. Sadly things just got alot worse on New years eve, my as of now ex, tried to stab me, luckily I had someone here at the time, police took out IVO and now I am just trying to get legal help regarding the house, but I have taken a step back to taking everything day by day and only Controlling what I can. Sometimes things are very overwhelming but I take deep breathes and watch trash T.V and turn off to everything that is just extra fluff. I have reconnected with a family member, which was part of the control from my ex, telling myself everyday I have people that are there for me, like this group, the breast care nurses and of course my son and daughter-in-law. I will forever be grateful for everybody that I haven't met but have given words of comfort and hope.I am now in touch with a counsellor as well. I hope that one day I can be that person to ease someone's fears and have them know their not alone, thank you all so much xoxo Karen.
JenD
Member
3 months ago
Hi, wow you have a lot going on, and it will never ever be a good time to find out about medical challenges.

Feel free to read though my last 12 months journey blog (time to process)...I was diagnosed just before christmas 2023 and have spent 2024 going through treatments (er pr +, her -, lumpectomy, with advanced regional stage 3 due to lymph node involvement, so chemo, radiotherapy and now hormone blockers). There is no getting around it is tough to process!.

I had a few people I knew that been through their b.c. journeys, and was able to message them, that helped me when I was particularly feeling low... so finding some help, whoever and where ever it may be, to support you is so important. Sounds like you have massive life changes ahead, so take any positives you can, and try to find some mental head space for yourself. And reach out to anyone you feel comfortable to trust. One day at a time!
iserbrown
Member
3 months ago
Hi @Kaz27
Sorry to see you here but as others have said we are a wealth of information between us, those that have gone before us, us and those, like you, starting out!

I am a firm believer that stress has a lot to do with the state we find ourselves in - my life was extremely stressful leading up to the BC diagnosis. I had to reassess what I was doing volunteer and workwise, snub the bullies, and more importantly always smiled and said hello to the bullies when I came across them, to prove their crap may have sat heavy but I have risen up above it and never let on about my cancer diagnosis to them!

For me personally I am fortunate to have been married for a very long time and my hubby is as supportive as he was from the first time, we went out together! My stresses are a little different now as I am a full-time carer for a younger sister with Dementia! It's watching someone you love to deteriorate, and you can only nurture and accept and repeat the answer to a question asked over and over!

I agree with others advice, please seek some counselling - your personal life sounds in turmoil but at present you need all your emotional and physical energy to cope with and beat this, Cancer! Counselling hopefully will give you some coping mechanisms. Both on a personal level and on the Cancer level. I was put with a Counsellor the day of diagnosis and her advice was if you feel yourself starting to stress out then pat your legs saying this is me, this is now and true enough it works, as your thoughts are concentrating on the patting and yourself, it brings you into the now!

Lots of help here, just please don't belt yourself up over the diagnosis, it is what it is and there's plans in place to hopefully beat it!

Sad to read of the plight of your son and daughter in law.

Best wishes
Take care