Triple Neg, diagnosed 4 wks ago, have had 2 cycles of AC chemo - I wonder what has happened?

ddon and Zoffiel, thank you - being understood makes such a difference. When I work with clients, I always speak about ‘permission to self and self care mechanisms, being kind to self and hold self with gentleness’. I find in a whirlwind of emotions, that go to place a little harder to get to. Perhaps it’s because I have no idea how I landed in that place to start of with. Did I detour and didn’t notice? 
I plea with my body to help me bring to life the parts that are not unwell, free of medicines..wanting to work with it, help it heal.
My eldest daughter added a little baby girl to our family last week and while the tiny little person was a sparkling star, sprinkling love and hope, I was also deeply saddened that the tears we shed were part joy and part harsh reality. I was changed and not how I wanted her to meet me...we shared love despite it though.

I ended up in emergency last night with blood in my urine. Appears I have a side effect to Cyclophosphamide and am bleeding internally. The port is still infected. Morning discussions with oncologist as cycle 3 is due this coming week.
Today invites, between tears a focused approach...this is a temporary situation. It may have hijacked my life but does not define it permanently. Hurdles one can do without but I can seek ways to manage them, not let them stand in my way (even when I feel like total crap).
Do I even make sense?
Thank you to you all xx

Isn't it interesting, the way we can step outside ourselves when everything suddenly turns to crap? The cancer train is actually designed for passengers who have no idea where they are going; you get on it, almost by accident, and before you know what has happened, you are miles away from yourself.
You've had a wretched thing happen, it takes a while to process this stuff. I think we all have a default factory setting when it comes to dealing with disasters of any description--some put their battle undies on, some call in all the reinforcements they can, others crawl under the bed and suck their thumbs. All perfectly reasonable responses.
Try to concentrate on the immediate problems if you are finding it too hard to look ahead. It's all so exhausting--hang in there. MXX

These early days are awful, aren’t they. Your formerly healthy body seems to have been ripped away and you are tossed in the storm. This will get easier in time. AC is yuk and no part of treatment is fun, but it’s all doable and then suddenly you will be out the other side. Hang in there and just take one day at a time xx

Thank you primek for your reply and kind words. So much gets flagged and you need to be on alert for things that may go wrong (the port became infected and now there is a possibility I have a UTI), language/words, emergencies.
The scariest of all so far has been the introduction of ʻchemo brain/fogʻ. That out of body experience, the realisation that change has come and I donʻt know what to do with it. I am trying to regulate the overwhelming emotional ride not by fighting the cancer but by working with it and saving my energy to work with the parts of my body, mind and soul that have some healthy functionality left in them. Seeking the how can I help self rise, heal and overcome this tsunami... x

Most people feel as you, life feels like it's spinning out of control, decisions are being made fast and you fear if it the right one. It's normal to worry, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and it's very normal to not be able to sleep. 
Many of us have been there and we are here as life slowly goes back to a normal pace where we again feel the shock of what happened and try to make sense of it all.
We are here to support and answer any questions you have. Have a look around the sight there are many resources on here and support groups also. X