ddon and Zoffiel, thank you - being understood makes such a difference. When I work with clients, I always speak about ‘permission to self and self care mechanisms, being kind to self and hold self with gentleness’. I find in a whirlwind of emotions, that go to place a little harder to get to. Perhaps it’s because I have no idea how I landed in that place to start of with. Did I detour and didn’t notice?
I plea with my body to help me bring to life the parts that are not unwell, free of medicines..wanting to work with it, help it heal.
My eldest daughter added a little baby girl to our family last week and while the tiny little person was a sparkling star, sprinkling love and hope, I was also deeply saddened that the tears we shed were part joy and part harsh reality. I was changed and not how I wanted her to meet me...we shared love despite it though.
I ended up in emergency last night with blood in my urine. Appears I have a side effect to Cyclophosphamide and am bleeding internally. The port is still infected. Morning discussions with oncologist as cycle 3 is due this coming week.
Today invites, between tears a focused approach...this is a temporary situation. It may have hijacked my life but does not define it permanently. Hurdles one can do without but I can seek ways to manage them, not let them stand in my way (even when I feel like total crap).
Do I even make sense?
Thank you to you all xx
