husband not coping with my physical appearance since failed reconstruction
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@FLClover, they become encapsulated. Very quickly. They also migrate around-- I' shot the left expander into my armpit a couple of days after my original op and that seemed to set a precedent for that side. That is another story of negligence which I'm tired of retelling. The right side works it's way up my chest. When a variety of surgeons have gone in to reposition them, the implants are too damaged to be reused. I hear one in particular is now used as a teaching aid...
My case is very, very uncommon. I develop keloid scars - just generally irritable I suppose - and my body hates the implants.
The 'obvious' solution - removing them- has been thoroughly discussed and would probably cause even more trouble.
99% of people have few, if any, problems .1 -
@dodg113 If there's one thing I have learnt from this, it's that it's important to consider yourself first, physically and emotionally. I'm not very good at it and I know that there's more I should do if I could. As much as you love your husband, this is not about him. You have a right to be respected as a person who has gone through a massive trauma. Okay, he has too but only at a remove, and whether he his suffering because he can't "fix it" is irrelevant to how he addresses you. This is not to disparage him (which I would have done when I first replied) - I hope that he is able to get some help to deal with his emotions. None of us are 20 and unbelievably gorgeous anymore and many of us carry significant scars. As we age, these will become more prevalent for both parties in a relationship. That is life. We all deserve for our partner to appreciate us for who we are, not what we look like. I do hope that you can work it out and that you take care of yourself.6
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Oh I agree wholeheartedly with @sister!
The most important part of healing is acceptance.
His comments sound very shallow and all about him! Perhaps he was having a bad day but hey he needs to be pointed in the direction of a Psychologist so he can understand that his commentary, flippant or not, is hurtful and he too needs acceptance.
Look after yourself, physically and emotionally. Simple things like sitting out on the verandah with a cup of tea and taking in nature or a walk in the park to clear your head all help
As mentioned many a time this really is a shit fest at times and it certainly helps if support is there from your nearest and dearest.
The forum is a great place for venting and understanding
Best wishes and take care3 -
I am so sorry your hubby made those insensitive remarks ... and I hope that he has apologised to you for them.
There ain’t none of us that are picture perfect (even him, as you mention!). Maybe he needs to strip off and take a good look at himself in the mirror - and you can also take notes LOL ....
Our battle scars are evidence that we are still here - and that we are tough!
Do what is right for YOU ... if that means shooting thru on your own (or with a ‘bestie’) for a while to ‘rejuvenate’ ... just do it!! And don’t load up the fridge with cooked dinners beforehand ... let the family work that out themselves!!
Maybe consider joining a couple of groups (be it walking, garden, reading .... anything that you enjoy doing) so you have more ‘you time’ and get out of the house more too.
Whereabouts are you (you can add your general area to your ‘profile’.) You May be able to meet up with local BCNA members for chats and support (covid willing.)
We are all feeling for you so much .... so lean on us when you need that extra bit of support xxx. Take care xx2 -
thanks everyone
I just needed to vent, things much better - had good "roll in the hay" last night and for first time hubbie actually touched the failed recon side so i think a big step for him.also had a chat w him regarding fact that will not have any surgery for next year which he agrees with and is more accepting of fact am lopsided for at least 12 months...
really good to know all that support out there - i have good group of girlfriends but they all also a bit burnt out and only 1 has had breast ca and she has no partner...
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@dodg113. .... Great to hear!! Onwards and upwards!!
Maybe contact Otis Foundation and see if you can arrange a break for you and your Besties or family ... a week away with the girls/family for fun and laughter - the best medicine ever. xx
https://www.otisfoundation.org.au/
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Great work @dodg113, very happy to hear that 😃😁☺️🥰.(He might’ve gotten scared at the thought of a crowd of half boobless and half reconstructed-with-bricks, and very angry women running after him with pitchforks 😂😂. Sorry, trying to see funny side, what else can we do 🤷🏼♀️)3
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great ,thanks!!! didn't know of Otis foundation sounds fabulous!
@Zoffiel thank you for sharing - sounds like a really hard situation.
I see a pain specialist as got severe nerve damage pain from radiotherapy - he literally saved my life from pain point of view...life just sucks sometimes 4 -
I had 5 days in the Snowy Mountains 18 months ago with hubby and my brother and SIL ... it was lovely. They have chalets/houses in ALL states ... jump on and check out which one would suit you. You usually only have to take clothes and food! Xx1
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Sometimes I think my body resembles a rough patchwork quilt from so many BC and other surgeries over the years - then I remind myself:
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