Family are not being respectful of my wishes
Comments
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@Zoffiel that is the best laugh I have had over this. I like your style. Wish I had thought of responding as you did. How brilliant of you thinking on your feet like that.
Well I did hang up yesterday. My husband can take the calls now. He actually spoke to them this morning.
He told them they were wrong and he supports me 200%. They tried to tell him I was 'sick' (meaning mentally) but he refuted that too advising them there is nothing wrong with me.
They also tried to tell him that i must have not remembered what i told them and that they told people because that was in my best interest (they know better than I do what is good for me 😜 ) They said that I told them to do so. He refuted that too and said it most definitely i did not give any permission for their broadcast and reminded them that he was part of the conversation.
He asked them nicely not to call for the time being and said he wouldadvise them in due course how i am going. He told me it was a calm phone call and he was respectful but stood his ground.
My husband has witnessed their behaviour for a long time. He was a bit surprised how they tried to throw me under the bus to him but he told them I am fine and I am, especially given his support for me and the support from by people here.8 -
@Cath62 As the resident clown, my work is done if I've brought a smile to your dial
Thinking on my feet is a specialty--it gets really interesting to watch when both of them end up in my mouth... Which happens regularly.
Good on hubby for holding up for you. I suspect he knows you better than they do. Onwards and upwards from here. Mxx6 -
@Cath62, Limit your contact. They see you on your terms. Your main game is to get better, and her upsetting you is not part of that. Excellent plan to have your hubby deal with them.
They don’t get to see or talk to you if they don’t change their behaviour. Simple as that.
Hugs Caz xxxxxx2 -
I had something similar. I had siblings I little contact with and as it wasn't terminal didn't feel they really needed to know. My sister rang and told my cousins and then I get panicked calls from them (my sister died from breast cancer) I was furious but assured all was fine and I just got on with it.
Weirdly another sister has contacted myself about a breastscreen recall. We are not sharing with my other sisters yet. I want to share but will not break this confidence but I now totally understand why. Your parents are reaching out for their own support when sharing. They are worried for you. Sharing distributes the fears at times.
Be annoyed but just let it go. It's not worth damaging your relationship over and it was not done in malice. X0 -
Thanks @primek I do understand my parents needing their support. I totally get that. I will let it go, probably already have since talking to everyone here, which is why this group is so good. However it is the last straw for me in my history with them and their lack of respect for me in terms of boundaries (which was abuse and trauma hence my big reaction) so as others had said, I will limit my contact and have my husband talk calls and update them a bit more rather than me. This will help me and I feel safer as a result. I will speak to a counsellor as well.1
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@primek probably should clarify my parents broadcast of my health went beyond people who would offer support to them. It seems even people who they meet in the lift of their retirement village were told. For each person told these people have told many others. I clearly communicated i wanted to keep this to a small number of people. I clearly said i needed time to process it all and on several occasions. Anyway I am moving on. They have forced me into that so I have no choice.
I will be limiting contact for awhile and information to them as well because they haven't even communicated the correct information anyway. They told people I have stage 3 cancer when I don't. When they told my estranged sister they did so to try to get her to call me. My sister hasn't spoken to me for 16yrs. They were trying to manipulate which they do all the time. It didn't work. They told people it's is genetic when I haven't had any genetic testing. God knows what else had been said. I only know about the mis-information through the surprise calls I have received from others who have been in a flap about it.0 -
Sending hugs, you do not need all this drama while you are dealing with your health.xxxxCath62 said:@primek probably should clarify my parents broadcast of my health went beyond people who would offer support to them. It seems even people who they meet in the lift of their retirement village were told. For each person told these people have told many others. I clearly communicated i wanted to keep this to a small number of people. I clearly said i needed time to process it all and on several occasions. Anyway I am moving on. They have forced me into that so I have no choice.
I will be limiting contact for awhile and information to them as well because they haven't even communicated the correct information anyway. They told people I have stage 3 cancer when I don't. When they told my estranged sister they did so to try to get her to call me. My sister hasn't spoken to me for 16yrs. They were trying to manipulate which they do all the time. It didn't work. They told people it's is genetic when I haven't had any genetic testing. God knows what else had been said. I only know about the mis-information through the surprise calls I have received from others who have been in a flap about it.
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You’re very welcome @Cath62!We are def already in a very stressful situation with the bc, so the last thing we need is more unnecessary stress. Tbh, staying with them has helped me in terms of realising why I have certain traumas and difficulties in a lot of situations. It’s related to my upbringing, and these are things that I wasn’t conscious about, but that I can now see clearly. For eg, my 7 yr old daughter will start laughing about something. After about a minute my mum tells her off for laughing too much 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️. I ask her what’s the problem with her laughing, as I would rather her laugh than cry. She’s obviously having fun. My mum says too much laughter is not good and leads to bad stuff. After only a minute mind you. And I remembered her telling me the same thing all throughout my childhood, which is why I now have a debilitating fear of laughing and being happy in general. So I had a big yell at her and told her to leave my daughter alone, and that it’s my job to raise her now, that she already damaged her own kids. Of course she got offended. But seeing this has helped me to realise I need to sort this stuff out, as I have a strong belief that my cancer is related to it, because I think a lot of illnesses are psychological, as well as the healing. I have arranged to see a psychologist specialising in childhood trauma as well as cancer. Hopeful she helps.Your situation sounds very distressing as well, so I hope you can stay firm in keeping your distance, and that it doesn’t affect you too much. I know that staying away from family is also difficult, as it makes it so painfully obvious that you don’t have the relationship with them you wish you had, that you deserve. But then again, who has a perfect family right? 🤷🏼♀️.I’m really happy you have such a supportive husband though 🥰, and that we’re also able to help each other out on this forum 😁. Keep in touch and wishing you the best 😘😘1
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Thank you @Blossom1961!I completely understand, that’s why I’m on this forum a lot too. People that I’ve never met are so much more helpful and understanding than people I’ve known for years. Sending big hugs back 🤗😊☺️.
Mon Xxx0 -
Morning FLCLover, So glad to hear that you are coming to terms with all these issues, and moving forward to address them. Sending hugs and wishing you all the best. We certainly do not need extra drama in our lives now, dealing with this cancer journey is quite enough. Hugs xx CherylFLClover said:You’re very welcome @Cath62!We are def already in a very stressful situation with the bc, so the last thing we need is more unnecessary stress. Tbh, staying with them has helped me in terms of realising why I have certain traumas and difficulties in a lot of situations. It’s related to my upbringing, and these are things that I wasn’t conscious about, but that I can now see clearly. For eg, my 7 yr old daughter will start laughing about something. After about a minute my mum tells her off for laughing too much 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️. I ask her what’s the problem with her laughing, as I would rather her laugh than cry. She’s obviously having fun. My mum says too much laughter is not good and leads to bad stuff. After only a minute mind you. And I remembered her telling me the same thing all throughout my childhood, which is why I now have a debilitating fear of laughing and being happy in general. So I had a big yell at her and told her to leave my daughter alone, and that it’s my job to raise her now, that she already damaged her own kids. Of course she got offended. But seeing this has helped me to realise I need to sort this stuff out, as I have a strong belief that my cancer is related to it, because I think a lot of illnesses are psychological, as well as the healing. I have arranged to see a psychologist specialising in childhood trauma as well as cancer. Hopeful she helps.Your situation sounds very distressing as well, so I hope you can stay firm in keeping your distance, and that it doesn’t affect you too much. I know that staying away from family is also difficult, as it makes it so painfully obvious that you don’t have the relationship with them you wish you had, that you deserve. But then again, who has a perfect family right? 🤷🏼♀️.I’m really happy you have such a supportive husband though 🥰, and that we’re also able to help each other out on this forum 😁. Keep in touch and wishing you the best 😘😘
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Fortunately for me, the female who gave birth to me and her spouse, live on the other side of the world...literally. I last spoke to her at my only brother's funeral in 1995, whereupon I advised her to get sexually active and travel. Actually, I only uttered two words...the first had four letters and the second had three.4
