Still crying

Angelo

 Hi Everyone, 
After 8 years clear I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer on the 19th December 2018 and I am devastated. You can imagine  what Christmas and New Year celebrations have been like.... bloody miserable. I have been on the Ribociclib treatment since Boxing Day, the side effects have come in waves but not too bad... the fatigue and crying is the worst. I am hoping to get back to work on Monday but I can’t seem to stop the tears when I’m around friends and family, it’s easier to avoid them. Am I suffering from depression or is this still the shock of diagnosis. I have found comfort in reading some of the discussions, I don’t feel so alone.

Blossom1961

This is such an emotional time of year. Add a cancer diagnosis and I would be a blubbering mess too. Give yourself some time to recover from the shock before you try to analyse things. Sending you lots of hugs to get you through. xxx

Afraser

Anyone would be shocked by that diagnosis, it's completely understandable. However shaky you feel, you are are still in the best position to know what to do, in the short term at least. Some time to yourself to let rip with the frustration and unfairness of it all may be very useful. But sometimes it can help to be with people too. See how you feel by Monday. It's a lot to get used to, and a lot unknown. Don't expect too much from yourself too soon. Best wishes.

iserbrown

Our @soldiercrab has a welcome pack that will help you navigate the site

Blossom1961

@iserbrown I love the way you say OUR soldiercrab. That is so this forum. We all belong. @Angelo This is the place for you to be heard and understood.

Patti J

@Angelo. It is rough finding out that you have mets. I have been living with mets for 18 months now. Like you, I  have also had stage 1. That was 16 years ago.
This time around, I  have had 15 lots of I.V. Paclitaxel, 8 months of Xeloda, and I  am now on my third lot of Palbociclib/Letrozole. 
Having mets, I  have realised who my best friends are. I know that they love me. 
Some of my family have been great, especially my husband, my two sisters,  my son, daughter-in-law and my in-laws. My two brothers don't seem to accept that I  have a terminal illness. In fact, I  never hear from them. 
Cry as much as you want. No-one can really know how you feel. 
But, don't give in to this wretched disease. 

SoldierCrab

@iserbrown
sent via PM when Angelo joined the forum 
@Blossom1961
I am only Soldiercrab on BCNA  lol 

I know Angelo will get support from our forum as that is what we all do support each other. 

iserbrown

@angelo
Shock of diagnosis is not easy to cope with, let alone recurrence,  coupled with the silly season new drugs and their side effects along with tears and so it goes......
Monday for return to work is a few days away yet
Have you joined any of the groups within the forum.  The forum is public whereas the groups are private.
Hopefully these next few days will bring some relaxation time and maybe extended leave if needed as it takes time to absorb where you are at and find the energy to fight it
Take care

Sister

@angelo I'm so very sorry to hear that.  I think you are allowed any reaction you want.

primek

This is a normal response to a devastating diagnosis. The 19th December wasn't long ago. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel scared, angry and sad...all those things. It's completely normal. I would be more worried if you had slspped on the happy smile and just got on with life without a second thought.
Use this time to think of the necessary things you might need to do. You will move through this phase eventually and carry on with your new normal life. If sadness and tears are overwhelming in weeks to come then it would be a good idea to talk with your supporting/treating team and/or seek some counselling. Kath x

arpie

I am so sorry to hear of this diagnosis, @Angelo - my thoughts are with you and your family as you get over this shock.   I am a real sook myself, so can burst into tears at the drop of a hat .... so I asked family & friends NOT to be sympathetic or I would just blub - but that jokes & anything funny would be good.  12 months later & the jokes are still coming.  Sometimes it is dark humour - but anything that can raise a smile or a laugh is good for the spirit.

Here's one lot!  Feel free to add any to it!
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/19116/friday-funnies#latest

We found some really funny Xmas ones too!
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/20086/christmas-funnies-put-them-up-here-for-a-laugh#latest

I hope your work colleagues & bosses are flexible & able to give you time off as required with the chemo side effects, appointments etc ..... Deep Breaths, take one day at a time ..... 

As @Sister has said - you are allowed any reaction you want.  

Al the best for your ongoing treatment xx

Angelo

Thank you I really appreciate your comments , love and support. I know I just need to get out of this dark space and start living...I hope tomorrow will be a better day xxx

kmakm

Hi Angelo. I'm so sorry that this has come to pass. I have a little knowledge as I watched my sister go through this situation. As is often said here, it's a rollercoaster. I think you'll have periods of tears, rage, and a combination of both. However for all the bitterness and other emotions that don't make us feel good, you'll also have spells of happiness and laughter, love, and maybe even joy. We have people on this forum living with mets who know much better than I, an observer. Know that you can come here for support whenever you need it. You're not alone. Biggest of hugs, K xox

wendy55

Hi @Angelo,
I have sent you a private message.

wendy55

Flaneuse

@Angelo Nothing to do but send you a hug. There will always be someone here to support you when you express your feelings.

Nada2015

Dear Angelo,
Big hug from me too. My sister has been battling metastatic breast cancer for over 2 years now. I am only three years post my first diagnosis of breast cancer and I have been told that I am very high risk of it returning... 
Let yourself cry as much as you need. 
Nada