Friday Funnies

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  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,600 ✭
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    LOVE IT @cranky_granny. LOL


    A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
    hospital... while on the operating table she had a near death
    experience... seeing God... She asked: "Is my time up?"...
    God answered: "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days to
    live".

    Upon recovery, she decide to stay in the hospital, and have a face
    lift, liposuction, and tummy tuck, and hair colour... After she was
    released from the hospital, whilst crossing the street on her way home,
    she was hit by a car, and died immediately...

    Arriving in front of God, she asked: "I thought you said I had
    another 40 years... why didn't you pull me away from the path of the
    car?"... God replied: "I didn‟t recognize you!!"

  • cranky_granny
    cranky_granny Member Posts: 720 ✭
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    Have fun
    Done @arpie
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,600 ✭
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    hehe, thanks @cranky_granny - everyone is encouraged to put their suggestions for the above puzzle ...... @cranky_granny
     will  put the answers up to any that haven't been worked out ..... in a week!!  ;) 

    In the mean time .... I've had this happen to me!  Have you?? LOL
    (not sure what the FO2 is tho!)

    May be an image of text that says I think we all need a laugh today FO2 WHEN YOU GET YOUR SHOWER CURTAIN FROM THE DOLLAR STORE
  • cranky_granny
    cranky_granny Member Posts: 720 ✭
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    The bad old days of shower over the bath 🤣 😂 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,600 ✭
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    hahaha

    Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.
    One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
    As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
    When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
    "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
    Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
    The pastor fainted.
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,552 ✭
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    39 Inspirational Feeling Down Quotes To Give You Strength YourTango
  • cranky_granny
    cranky_granny Member Posts: 720 ✭
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    Our Yearly Dementia Test-- only 4 questions

    Our Yearly Dementia Test 

    It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
    Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! 
    Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
    Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. 
    The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
    OK, relax, clear your mind and begin. 

    1. What do you put in a toaster?

    Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else.. 
    Try not to hurt yourself.
    If you said, bread, go to Question 2. 

    2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?

    Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World. 
    However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.

    3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

    Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these??? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
    4. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to 
    Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.
    In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
    In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
    In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
    In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
    In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
    You then arrive at Milford Haven ..

    Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
     
     

    Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! 
    Don't you remember your own age? 
    It was YOU driving the bus!!

    If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.

    PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
  • Locksley
    Locksley Member Posts: 925 ✭
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    @cranky_granny oh dear 95% for me
  • cranky_granny
    cranky_granny Member Posts: 720 ✭
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    I’m obviously in the 95%. Just ask my kids and grandkids 😊😊😏

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