But I'm only 31...



  • ViviannaVivianna Member Posts: 22
    Wow I am blown away by all of your love/support/encouragement! You are all such amazingly strong women and I hope that when the time comes, that I can show the same strength.

     I had my first proper breakdown today... I called my breast care nurse to see when my bonescan and CT was booked and she happened to mention that the radio opaque dye would be injected...I just lost it, started sobbing hysterically telling her that I just couldn't do it anymore? Ive only just started and already I'm overwhelmed at the enormity of the immediate future. To date I've put on a brave face for two blood tests, five attempted cannulations and 8 daily injections...and I have to start injections 4 times a day once my period starts in 2days time. Then  Lymphocentography involves 4 injections into my breast that has already had an operation in (I can't even wear my normal bra or sleep on my tummy because of the pain), and then another couple of cannulation attempts for my sentinel node excision (done seperately to my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery). I know most people see needles as an uncomfortable necessary evil but for me, each time it takes more thought and energy than I would expend going sky diving. I thought I was in a good place mentally and emotionally but as soon as I heard about the change I just fell apart. The thing that upset me the most was the off handed comment she made about "knowing how I felt" how can you possibly understand what this is like for me???? Its not just the loss of control or putting my dreams on hold...I feel like with each part they remove from me I am losing a piece of my identity, of who I am. I am not this weepy mess of a person who wants to throw up everytime I have to look at a needle, I am a control freak adrenaline junkie who is at the top of her profession and who ran a marathon three months ago...its hard not to let this define who I am.

     I have contacted a help line for some professional support for my anxiety and the starter pack really helps me keep track. Thank you em_24 for sharing your story and I believe the valium/midaz will definitely be helpful for my up and coming surgery. Thankyou to all of you who have taken time out of your day to read and post supportive messages, I have read each and every one and take heart in knowing that we may be miles apart but that you guys have/are going through the same journey as me. Ps: is there anyone living in Brisbane that would be keen to catch up for a coffee/chat?
  • ccasperccasper Central Coast, NSWDragonfly Posts: 190
    @Ro10 is near brissy. 

    @em_24 yes massive decision but not much time to mull it over. Chemo ends next week and surgery 3 weeks later!!
  • Hopes_and_DreamsHopes_and_Dreams Gold CoastMember Posts: 756
    Hi, I'm on the Gold Coast - work during the week but happy to catch up for a coffee on weekends. I'm overseas on hols at the moment, back weekend of 20 January.
    Everything you are feeling is normal, we all do understand how you feel. It's absolutely not fair!!
    But you will amaze yourself with what you can do and every day is one step closer to being cancer free. Sending a hug, Jane xx
  • Ad LibAd Lib CanberraMember Posts: 10
    Hi @Vivianne Vanessa My situation is scarily similar to yours. I was diagnosed on 19 December, 2 days after my 33rd birthday. I'm still waiting to hear when I'll be having surgery. I was basically diagnosed and then all my drs went on holidays so I've been in limbo over Christmas too. I promise you, you are not alone. 
    Libby x
  • KarenhappyquilterKarenhappyquilter Member Posts: 225
    So sorry for your bad news. I agree with other people's comments. I wanted to say you are very brave for giving yourself needles. Also to encourage you to use medication for anxiety if you need it. Being brave is good but when there is chemical help, no reason not to use it and every reason to use it. You are brave and strong and will get through this. Best of luck. Karen
  • ViviannaVivianna Member Posts: 22
    Thanks for the heads up ccasper, ad lib, I'm so sorry that u have had to join this club, it is insanely frustrating that your medical team is away, do you know when they come back? Ive been told that our guys come back on the 9/01 so hopefully yours will too, then you can make a plan to get well! Im thinking of you and know that you also have my support ❤️
  • Hannah_BCNAHannah_BCNA Staff Posts: 9
    edited January 2017
    Hi @Vivianne Vanessa, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. A friend of mine is only 28 and she has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and just had a masectomy. I can put you in touch with her if you like, she is extremely inspirational - I don't know how she manages to stay so positive in the face of such a terrible journey. She's on the Gold Coast so send me a DM if you want to catch up. She loves a cuppa! 

    PS. Hi everyone else! I have just started working at the BCNA as an Online Content Editor. I have been trawling through the forums getting up to speed with your issues, inspirational stories and concerns. All of you are so strong! I love the support and guidance you provide to each other, it's amazing to see. 

    Let me know if I can be of assistance, my inbox is always free :) 
  • InkPetalInkPetal You are valuable, beautiful, extraordinary.Member Posts: 499
    Nice to meet you @Hannah_BCNA :heart:
  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 3,377
    Thanks Hannah!  :)
  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,773
    Hi Hannah_BNCA  - Welcome - how lucky are you to work with such an awesome team at BCNA. All the best. Xx Cath
  • Michelle_RMichelle_R Gold Coast QldMember Posts: 892
    Hi Hannah and welcome! xx
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 3,289
    Hi Hannah!!! Welcome! Melinda xo
  • Pammy46Pammy46 Central coast Member Posts: 149
    Hi Vivianne
    im sorry your on here what a roller coaster this journey is this bitch disease is def not picky on who it wants to invade so here for you and we will all ride this with you until you kick this to the kerb much love Pam xx
  • Hannah_BCNAHannah_BCNA Staff Posts: 9
    socoda said:
    Hi Hannah_BNCA  - Welcome - how lucky are you to work with such an awesome team at BCNA. All the best. Xx Cath
    Thanks @socoda, @melclarity and @Michelle R! I sure am! 
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