But I'm only 31...

January 2016 I found a breast lump but I just shrugged it off, most of my friends had them, no big deal right? Being in the medical industry I knew I had to do the responsible thing so I went to get an ultrasound which showed a query cyst like structure. I didn't think anything of it, the size of the lump would go up and down with my period and my GP said it was very likely, nothing to worry about because of my age. Fast forward to October and the lump still there...another scan showed that it had grown and now was the time for a needle biopsy. Did I mention I am ridiculously needle phobic??? No thanks, I opted for an excisional biopsy so that I wouldn't have to worry about it. (A friend of mine from school had just passed away last year after a long battle with breast cancer...freaking out is putting it lightly!). I got the results back on the 22nd of December (2 days before flying home for xmas), I was so sure it was going to be nothing...the surgeon said I had over a 90% chance of it being benign, I was so sure that I told my husband not to come, to be told "I'm sorry its not good news" I remember the moment clearly, shock/confusion/panic! My first thought was-I'm glad Andrews not here...what if this is my last Christmas with Andy and our family? How can this happen? The next 3hours were a blur, I had so many appointments lined up, I had to go see a fertility specialist because chemo would kill my chances of getting pregnant (we had been trying for the last 6months), I decided not to tell anyone except my boss for time off. One of the hardest things Ive ever had to do because I didn't want to ruin Christmas for everyone. The fertility specialist was nice but the examinations were so invasive and so much information was bombarding me from all sides, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I feel slightly less panicked now, ive had time to process and I've told my immediate family which has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I have even been brave enough to inject myself everyday in preparation for IVF...I know this is a small thing considering whats to come but I'm afraid the needle phobia won't listen to reason. Ive decided to go with a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using a prosthesis but my first hurdle will be a sentinel node biopsy to make sure the cancer hasn't spread yet...and a portacath insertion so that will make the whole needle thing easier. I just wish there was someone out there my age that has gone through/going through this now...my spirits are pretty low