Where did my gratitude go? I swear I left it right here somewhere...

No need to respond - it's just enough that we know you're okay @"Summer Prevails" even if it's not the best space at the moment.

@EllaMary98 Thank you Janine.

 <3 <3 <3  to you H

Hi everyone
i am hanging in here as best I can, I wish these nightmare emotions and hopelessness and repeating horror movie thoughts would bloody STOP but I’m hanging in here. I talked to the beautiful Giovanna today. And I want to tell you all that I honestly feel so supported by your care and love that if I try to write back to the messages and posts I start bawling and can’t even handle it - in such a raw black space that anything sets me off. But I will talk when I can. Hearing from you all has helped me stay alive. x o x o 

@kmakm . I promise it does get easier- the first 12 months after treatment was probably hardest for me. The machine that was active treatment drops you like a hot potato and everyone else expects you to quietly get on with your 'new normal'. It sounds so ungrateful to be whinging about side effects of drugs which are designed to keep us alive, but all the while we are grieving our old selves. The little parts of ourselves that we've lost, which nobody else seems to care about. Your energy will return. It's particulary hard if you are looking after others at home, but try to throw yourself into something completely new. And look after yourself first, and everyone else second. I really hope that these feelings pass quickly for you. Love Janine xx

@Ellamary98 You've written very well a lot of what I'm feeling. I feel incredibly disappointed with my life now. Pointless, hopeless and compromised. I ache, have lost my appetite, can't sleep and have increasing nausea. Everyone who's been here says it gets better. I have to trust that it will because this is no way to live, that's for sure.

@Summer Prevails just remember we are all here for you any time of day or night - with all our aches, pains and flushes there is generally someone there even in the middle of the night.  Sending you lots of positive thoughts and huge hugs xoxo

OMG, all these posts have left me so emotional. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and pointlessness after treatment ended. What now? I didn't suffer depression, but carried a general feeling of disappointment around for months. I couldn't plan ahead and actually missed my medical schedule, which had at least given me purpose and focus. Plus, the crappy side effects of sudden menopause and tamoxifen, added to the chemo brain, made it seem like my life was a set of compromises now. It wasn't enough to be alive, I wanted to be back to my old self. The 'new normal' people spoke about turned out to be pretty shit. Some clever person suggested that I needed to start something new, which would take years to learn or complete. I took their advice and chose study, and I think that helped. I became lost in research, made connections on line with people who didn't know I'd had cancer treatment, and it forced me to plan ahead. I'm not suggesting that this is a simple fix- God knows, I have spectacularly crappy days sometimes, and feel a decade older than I am, but I did regain a sense of control over my life eventually, and the medical appointments grew less important. @"Summer Prevails", you can ride this out with some help. It really will pass. Keep talking- there are lots of people who are listening and can help you. Our bodies mend faster than our minds and hearts do. I think it really is like a PTSD. Hang in there! Lots of love. xxx

Hi @"Summer Prevails" sending you private message

To all of the above ladies and their posts, you have written it as it is, I can add nothing more,
thank you,by reading all of this, I AM so grateful to be a part of this community, you are truly awe inspiring, down to earth tell it like it is,
wendy55