Secondaries

WOW! Thanks Ladies, I actually didn't realise other people could read that!!! LOL Just a random vent LOL :O)

I am usually really positive and smile through it all...but sometimes it just gets me down! Especially as my Oncologist told me that if we can't find chemo drugs to slow down my tumors I will be gone before Christmas! :O( 

I am on permenant chemo now :O( 

I am planning birthday parties for my 2 girls (turning 6 & 8 n the next couple of weeks) and also my own birthday in a month.....and it's really upset me as it could be the last birthdays I have with them....the hardest part it that I can't talk to my family about my fears as none of them want to hear it! they just say "don't be silly, you'll be around for years yet" but the fact is I probably won't be! I have secondaries to my chest nodes stomach nodes, arteries in my chest, liver, rght lung and pluera! I am bloody sick!

I have accepted this to a degree but none of my family are there yet....I have planned my funeral (which was actually quite fun) and wriiten my own Eulogy and my Mum is upset with me and won't even read it! The fact is...we will all die one day, I am just a bit more prepared than most is all :O)

Hi Belinda,

As another ABC woman, I can completely understand your feelings. It is great to be able to use this site to "vent", and vent we must. So much energy can be spent protecting our family and friends, so connection with others in similar situations is really helpful. I find your language very restrained!

I have no solutions though - we don't "battle" cancer, but endure what we must, and try to make the most we are able of every day we have. It's a wild ride.....

Best wishes..... Pam

Hi Belinda,

As another ABC woman, I can completely understand your feelings. It is great to be able to use this site to "vent", and vent we must. So much energy can be spent protecting our family and friends, so connection with others in similar situations is really helpful. I find your language very restrained!

I have no solutions though - we don't "battle" cancer, but endure what we must, and try to make the most we are able of every day we have. It's a wild ride.....

Best wishes..... Pam

Hey BelindaM -  Good on you for putting it all out there.  I too am really tired of all the pink ribbons and positive tough 'rahrahrah' that goes on.  No one it seems really wants to know about it when it goes to secondaries and all those realities you have to deal with.  Like all of us you really need the support and it is often not there although family and friends do try.  We end up supporting them more often than not.  Nothing wrong with a bit of language and thowing a few things around the place.  Scream, cry and let it all out - doesn't actually make you feel better  but it is a release valve of sorts.  Just know that there are a lot of us with secondaries out here - not that many want to talk about the reality of it all.  Yes, planning your funeral is shit - telling your kids and partner is shit, but they will surprise you with their strength.  Then again about the funeral thing, just think how many people would be shuddering with what happened at the end of day rather than being in control - if you are like me you want to be in control!!  Make sure your doctors actually talk with you not at you and emphasis to them that they must actually communicate with you as to what is going on rather than just waffling around the edges.  They also need lessons in how to deal with these issues.

Luv,  Jaci

Just wanted to say this whole bl**dy thing is shit, and you have every right to scream it from the roof tops, and I know what you mean about the stay positive line, if I have one more person say how strong I am I think I might throttle them, dont they realize we are crazy on the inside, arrh, would love it if we could wipe it off and flush it down, but seeing as that is not going to happen, I say bottoms up with a whole new meaning ( have a drink) and yell all you like.

Cheers Narelle

Just wanted to say this whole bl**dy thing is shit, and you have every right to scream it from the roof tops, and I know what you mean about the stay positive line, if I have one more person say how strong I am I think I might throttle them, dont they realize we are crazy on the inside, arrh, would love it if we could wipe it off and flush it down, but seeing as that is not going to happen, I say bottoms up with a whole new meaning ( have a drink) and yell all you like.

Cheers Narelle

However you feel, go with it.  Unfortunately or fortunately, I have not "done" the angry bit YET.  You need to let it out, punch walls, yell, swear whatever.  I deal with my diagnosis by keeping extremely busy - even if I ache all over.  The only person who knows my pain is my hubby - and I keep most of it from him!!!   I can't tell you how to feel - only be here to "hear" your ROAR.  If I could wave a magic wand and rid us all of BC I would be a very happy soul.  It is CRAP and it does CRAP things.  Please live in the knowledge that there are people on this site who care about you. XLeonie

However you feel, go with it.  Unfortunately or fortunately, I have not "done" the angry bit YET.  You need to let it out, punch walls, yell, swear whatever.  I deal with my diagnosis by keeping extremely busy - even if I ache all over.  The only person who knows my pain is my hubby - and I keep most of it from him!!!   I can't tell you how to feel - only be here to "hear" your ROAR.  If I could wave a magic wand and rid us all of BC I would be a very happy soul.  It is CRAP and it does CRAP things.  Please live in the knowledge that there are people on this site who care about you. XLeonie