Feeling scared and just a bit angry
I was diagnosed in September, my birthday actually, I was numb. I had been dealing with a very coercive relationship, narcissism, gaslighting the lot, to be told this news was just too much, I had all sorts going through my head, How do I tell my children? How do I do this? Why me? Everything was so hard to process and even now I'm struggling.
I was told it was an Oestrogen based cancer, sorry I cant remember much of that conversation, but 2 Biopsies, the first one they biopsied the wrong lymph node, Pet scan, M.R.I and blood test later to be told sorry its not good news, well having a lump in the breast isnt good news anyway but, I had my right breast and Lymph nodes removed, then to be told its bad news I'm so sorry was another kick in the guts, 35 of my 36 nodes were affected, so onto another more thorough Pet scan, blood test and M.R.I, To get the good news that it wasn't anywhere else in my body.
Now I'm preparing for Chemo to start on the 2nd of Jan and I'm absolutely terrified, I have no emotional or any other support at home, even though I'm told everyday that he cares, they say actions speak louder than words well Im yet to see any, my son who is my heart, doesn't know how to deal with this and neither do I. They have just had an Eptopic pregnancy and I'm hurting for them, we were all so excited and happy.
I don't know what to do or how I'm going to do it, my living situation is so toxic to my mental health and is impacting on my son and daughter-in-law as well. My partner is trying to get me out of the house and that is something I can't deal with at the moment as I'm trying to deal with being there for my son and daughter-in-law and Chemo, I feel like I'm rambling, my life is a mess, I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the rambling talk I'm not very good at putting things on paper, everything is very disjointed.
Comments
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Hi Karen, Sorry to see you here. We welcome everyone in to our club and yet wish no one had to be part of it. Cancer is scary. No if’s or buts. Unless you have been through it, you won’t understand the trauma it causes. Your partner may be struggling to come to terms with it as well and doesn’t know how to act. Your first priority at this point of time is you. Try to get out with some friends or go for a walk in the fresh air. Do something you enjoy. Getting our minds even partially off the cancer helps. Make up some meals and freeze them. This will help on those days that everything is just too much. Sending big hugs.1
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Hi @Kaz27 🌸🌻 sending you lots of positive energy to help with all that you have going on.
It sounds like the many threads you’re holding together are pulling in a few different directions; if you can, it’s okay - arguably most important- to prioritise yourself ahead of starting chemo.Perhaps talking to the call centre offered by Cancer Council might be a good support, whilst the BCNA Helpline is taking a break. Here’s the details shared with us: Cancer Council www.cancer.org.au or 13 11 20 (available 27-31 December from 11am – 3pm (AEDT))Maybe another option is to get in touch with a breast care nurse through the McGrath Foundation as their role can often involve connecting you with other support services https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/get-support/
Sending you lots of good wishes as the next few days unfold. 🌻0 -
Hi Kaz, I know that no-one particularly wants to join this club but if you have to have breast cancer you will find that its full of beautiful, caring human beings to help support you through your journey.I have had a similar experience privately and considered reaching out to the Social Worker at Tweed Valley Hospital where I have my treatment.Is that an option for you?There is a lot of information on this website and the helpline is also worth making a call to.Some members will also offer to pm with you. I have Grade 3, Triple Negative BC and cant comment re your particular diagnosis but there is no substitute for another person living with a similar diagnosis.
Sending you lots of love and healing hugs. You are the most important person in your life right now lovely lady.
💖❤️💜🩷💚💙💛🩵🧡🤎🤍🖤🩶2 -
SO sorry to hear of your diagnosis and associated stress and drama @Kaz27
Have you been assigned to a Breast Cancer Nurse yet? I hope so. See if you can contact them, to talk thru some of your issues xx Or your cancer centre Social Worker, as mentioned by @Suziw1957 ....
BCNA also has a 'booking system' for a helpline call here ( make contact & ask for them to contact you xx ):The Mod Team - @Pat_BCNA @Mez_BCNA @Daina-BCNA @Kate_BCNA @Denise_BCNA @Rish@Risha_BCNA
If you wish to speak with the Helpline team please fill in this form:
https://www.bcna.org.au/helpline-self-referral-form/ )
Take plenty of deep breaths, try & take one day at a time, one hour if needs be .....
take care xx
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Hi @Kaz27 it has been a rough time for besides you getting breast cancer was your partner like this before your diagnosis
Im sorry to hear about your family loss that on its own would be bad enough
As everyone has said one day at a time and take a breathe you have to be number 1 priority at the moment please jump on here and let off steam rant rave whatever we never judge
If you can make use of the My Journey App its a very useful tool also there is a handy tick sheets that are helpful (just put tick sheet in the search 🔍 bar and go to the first page)
The cancer centre that your having your chemo at can possibly put you in touch with a nurse
I just copied this from the Community News and event category
Our help line will re open on the 6th January
If you require additional support through this time, please contact one of the following organisations:
Cancer Council www.cancer.org.au or 13 11 20 (available 27-31 December from 11am – 3pm (AEDT))
Beyond Blue www.beyondblue.org.au available 24/7
Lifeline www.lifeline.org.au available 24/7
PLEASE don’t try to do this on your own. If you put a more general area in Victoria Someone on here from closer by might direct you to more specific things available near you
Your post can also become like a tracker for how things are going.
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Hi @Kaz27
Sorry to see you here but as others have said we are a wealth of information between us, those that have gone before us, us and those, like you, starting out!
I am a firm believer that stress has a lot to do with the state we find ourselves in - my life was extremely stressful leading up to the BC diagnosis. I had to reassess what I was doing volunteer and workwise, snub the bullies, and more importantly always smiled and said hello to the bullies when I came across them, to prove their crap may have sat heavy but I have risen up above it and never let on about my cancer diagnosis to them!
For me personally I am fortunate to have been married for a very long time and my hubby is as supportive as he was from the first time, we went out together! My stresses are a little different now as I am a full-time carer for a younger sister with Dementia! It's watching someone you love to deteriorate, and you can only nurture and accept and repeat the answer to a question asked over and over!
I agree with others advice, please seek some counselling - your personal life sounds in turmoil but at present you need all your emotional and physical energy to cope with and beat this, Cancer! Counselling hopefully will give you some coping mechanisms. Both on a personal level and on the Cancer level. I was put with a Counsellor the day of diagnosis and her advice was if you feel yourself starting to stress out then pat your legs saying this is me, this is now and true enough it works, as your thoughts are concentrating on the patting and yourself, it brings you into the now!
Lots of help here, just please don't belt yourself up over the diagnosis, it is what it is and there's plans in place to hopefully beat it!
Sad to read of the plight of your son and daughter in law.
Best wishes
Take care2
