Letting go of being superwoman!
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Such an emotive and heartfelt comment you have made @FLClover and so privileged you shared it here with us. When you are in a one parent family you are the WORLD to your child, and you just want to protect them and raise them. It is more than twice as hard to be a single parent and keep all the cogs ticking over, and all by yourself. I take my hat off to you, as I also realize just how difficult it can, and I never would have realized unless I also walked this same path myself. Money isn't everything, your health and nurturing your child are more important than meeting government requirements. You can be the parent, don't let them tell you otherwise, and I can guarantee if your child go astray, you will be blamed for being out in the workforce and not looking after the children. Seen it before!
It is probably about time our society needs to value the role of motherhood, whether a single parent household or two parent household.
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Women shouldn't also feel guilty if they choose to support a husband who has a high powered career and they choose to be the homemaker, and either by choice and chance did not have biological children. Often real choices are not always as easy as we would like, and we are also subject to circumstances, male and female included. I don't see it all about womens rights, we can't just have a monopoly and choose everything to our own liking. I am totally against abortion, and I will always be outspoken about that, even if it offends people!1
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You’re welcome @Keeping_positive1 😊. I like to share in the hope other women will realise they’re not alone in feeling like this, and that there’s also no shame in it.I agree that being a single parent is much harder, and the child definitely becomes attached to you more. I don’t care too much about gvmt requirements, as much as I can help it, as I don’t agree with a lot of their rules. It seems like the people who put them in place have neither had children nor ever been sick. And yes, women get blamed for going back to work and neglecting their children, then also get called lazy and dole bludgers for being stay at home mums. We can’t win, so I say do what you as an individual deem is best, and just ignore all the judgement. Motherhood does need to be valued a lot more.If a woman chooses not to have children, then that needs to be respected as well. The judging and blaming needs to stop there too. Some women can’t have children, and are made to feel even worse than they already do when constantly asked why they have none. As a race, we’re very nosy and judgemental. We seriously need to stop that. If a woman wants to stay home while her husband works, then that’s their choice. It shouldn’t bother others. But we don’t live in an ideal world...🙁2
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Big hugs to you @FLClover. I really understand.
I think I pushed and pushed myself until bc. I wish I didn't get it too but it sure halted me pushing myself again. A couple of years before bc I wanted so much not to be working. I knew my limit was reached but I never said that to anyone at work. I just struggled on until I could retire early at 57. Then bc came along.
Now I am 59 and post bc active treatment and I am grateful for my new life and freedom. I just became a grandmother a week ago and am just in love with my little grandson. New life, new hope. I am going to enjoy my time with my family, travel in my camper and just be free of my own stresses. I am living in the moment and enjoying simple things like my morning coffee.
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Such an emotive and heartfelt comment you have made @FLClover and so privileged you shared it here with us. When you are in a one parent family you are the WORLD to your child, and you just want to protect them and raise them. It is more than twice as hard to be a single parent and keep all the cogs ticking over, and all by yourself. I take my hat off to you, as I also realize just how difficult it can, and I never would have realized unless I also walked this same path myself. Money isn't everything, your health and nurturing your child are more important than meeting government requirements. You can be the parent, don't let them tell you otherwise, and I can guarantee if your child go astray, they will blame you for working and not looking after them. Seen it before!
I think you are doing an amazing job, and should be commended on the tough decision you are making to raise your child, afterall you really the world to your child when you are a single parent.2 -
Such an emotive and heartfelt comment you have made @FLClover and so privileged you shared it here with us. When you are in a one parent family you are the WORLD to your child, and you just want to protect them and raise them. It is more than twice as hard to be a single parent and keep all the cogs ticking over, and all by yourself. I take my hat off to you, as I also realize just how difficult it can, and I never would have realized unless I also walked this same path myself. Money isn't everything, your health and nurturing your child are more important than meeting government requirements. You can be the parent, don't let them tell you otherwise, and I can guarantee if your child go astray, you will be blamed for being out in the workforce and not looking after the children. Seen it before!
We really need to appreciate how valued the role of motherhood is.2 -
Oh my goodness @Cath62 you’re a grandma!!! How exciting, a new little bub!! Congratulations!!! 🎉🎉🎈🎈👶♥️ That’s such wonderful news 😀☺️😊🥰. The struggle was worth it, now you can enjoy your grandson in peace ☺️.
We both wished desperately not to have to work. Perhaps in a way the universe gave us what we wanted. Not in the way we wanted, definitely, but maybe it was the only way to get us to stop and do what our soul was begging of us. So now that we know that, we have listened, we can reap the benefits 😊. Enjoy your retirement knowing you did your utmost best, and absolutely deserve to be a lady of leisure 😉♥️.2 -
Thanks @FLClover. I definitely think the universe gave me what I wanted. I think the universe was telling me to let go for a few years 😀. It just too a bit of a nudge to get there.
Here's a photo of my little grandson and one of me holding him. Ambrose is his name.
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@Cath62 Oh, how gorgeous he is! Such a strong name also. Looks like he is going to get plenty of cuddles from grandma
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@Cath62 oh dear sweet Lord I’m melting 😍😍😍😍😍😍. Oh he is perfect!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️. May he have a long and happy life 🍀🍀🍀. The photo of you is from the side, but I can still see your whole face is beaming and glowing with utter happiness and love 🙏🏻. You did well 😊😊👏🏻P.S. I love his name 🥰2
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Reading this conversation has made me think about the self-care that tends to fall away from many women (but not for men) in hetero relationships, often even before having children. For some reason, it always seems that women give up their activities but men still keep them. One of the things that I have spoken to my girls (and son) about is the importance of insisting on their own time from the start as well as their partner enjoying the same right. Whether that Mum advice gets lost in the whirlwind of real life and "division of responsibilities"..? Well...we'll see.4
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@Sister agreed, we can only give our daughters and sons advice and hope they take it on board. If I had listened much earlier in life I would have taken my self-care more seriously. I agree that women do get the rough end of the stick in many cases.0
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Men may have consuming interests but quite a few wouldn’t know self care if it hit them. Have to be hounded to a doctor, don’t eat a good diet, drink more than is wise sometimes, and exercise? And that’s the younger ones!! The member for Kew is an example. We may all think we are bullet proof, just in different ways.0
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I do agree @afraser - many guys don't tend to look after themselves. However, they do tend to be able to find time to do the things they enjoy whether it's a sport (doing or watching) or something else. For many women, that's something they let slip away early and that makes it harder later on. I hope that my kids, whether they have their own children or not, are able to enjoy their own time as well as couple/family time.2
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Indeed @sister. For some, the special time is in their music, or their ballroom dancing or travel. Mine was frequently my work - it was fascinating, challenging and often a lot of fun. I think the overall message is to do what you can not to regret how your time was spent. That’s a good message for your entire life, not just life before bc. If it takes cancer to recalibrate what’s important, better late than never!
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