Letting go of being superwoman!
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Over the years there have been many conversations here on this topic.
I worry, sometimes, about the tendency to blame ourselves for our disease. If we hadn't worked so hard, or made dubious choices, maybe things would have worked out differently. I wouldn't tolerate that narrative from anyone else when it comes to my disease, so I refuse to apply it to myself. I just don't think it is helpful.
We are products of our various environments but what has happened in the past can't be changed. Sure, you can try to avoid repeating history, but that has never been an overly successful strategy.
Yes, there are lifestyle decisions that increase risk of multiple diseases. We've known this in a modern medical environment for years. And known it for generations before science could prove it.
Rear view mirrors can be very useful if you want to go backwards, or want to see what is behind you. They are not what you should be focusing on if you want to move forward.3 -
@Zoffiel much of what you said is so true. We shouldn't be focusing on the past, but I bring it up so we can reflect on how we can do things differently to move forward. I do believe that my workplace and the stress I was under has impacted my health negatively and thus I ended up with the diagnosis of cancer. Of course we can't be sure, nor prove it, but on discussion with others on this forum quite a few feel it was the stress they were under that caused their cancer. Going back to doing the same old things, can be toxic to our health and not conducive to finally moving forward without reflecting on doing things differently.1
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@Sister I completely agree. Men tend to continue with their hobbies and interests no matter what, and everyone is supposed to accept and support this. Women, I feel, are judged if they do that because apparently it means they don’t give enough care to their children and family. I’m trying to also make my daughter understand that she comes first, and she should always make time for herself and her interests, no matter what. I’m doing that now too, and am so much happier. We all need alone ‘me’ time, it’s not selfish and is actually necessary.
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@Zoffiel you have a point there about not getting stuck on the past. I agree with that in terms of processing what has happened, then letting it go. It has no place in the present and future, and will only prolong old painful memories.I disagree though that we can’t learn from it. Also, by no means am I saying we should blame ourselves. Actually, we don’t need to blame anyone, but if we do then I’d blame society. We are forced into these situations by ‘standards’ we are supposed to meet and uphold. Too many women have pressures from all sides to be the ‘good wife’, especially in my culture. The man must be respected as the head of the house, and as the breadwinner, he deserves his relaxation time after working hard all day. The woman was home all day doing nothing apparently, so has to continue looking after the kids, keeping the house clean and making dinner etc. If she asks for a break, she’s painted as selfish and a bad wife/mother. So, here we are, modern women, fighting so hard against all this. Refusing to be this unappreciated slave, so ending up single with children, then working because we want to be independent, still needing to look after the kids though because the man certainly isn’t capable of doing so, and ending up being the breadwinner and the one raising the children. And where does that leave us? Exhausted, drained, miserable and depressed. It’s not a one-person job, but we do it because at the time there’s no way out. There’s other women who don’t have children, but have other family drama they find themselves a part of, and once again need to be the understanding one who needs to fix everything. Whatever the situation though, the woman is not to blame, because no one asks to be stuck in such a situation. It’s just where life takes us, usually because it’s the way this society functions, as I mentioned. Therefore, the point here is not to blame ourselves, as that doesn’t lead to anything constructive. It’s to analyse the past, see what wrong and why, and make conscious decisions and be proactive about changing the things we know led us to the misery. And I for one have made such changes. I am actively trying to not repeat history, and so far I’m feeling quite happy. I don’t know what will happen in future in terms of my health, but the most important thing is that in my present I feel a million times better than I did before. That in itself is a massive win for me.2
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@FLClover I agree no point in blaming ourselves.
We miss the point if we just keep doing the same thing and expect a different result and even to be happier but still clinging onto things in the past that we would like to change. Change is good if it benefits your health. Of course there is no room for blame, we didn't cause cancer, who would? So glad you have found contentment and feel a million times better than before.
@June1952 I agree, the way forward is looking through the windscreen.
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