No comfort
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Totally get where you are saying, I'm not sure where I am at the moment, want to say everything is great, have had no real medical issues for about 12 months so technically I am cured!! but deep down I fear the recurrance will come back when I am I least expecting it and no one gets that, so I keep it to myself mostly.
I have taken the step of giving up my job to concentrate on having the best life i can, I finished on Friday and am currently in that mixed emotion state of this is great, this is scary, but think I really need to get on with life and try and start thinking positive, not what if.
If you need help seek it, I think thats some advice I need to take too.
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Hi @Beaglemum,
Yes. Thats a really (i want to say brave but that makes it sound risky when not) excited life change you are having.
What are you planning?
Michele0 -
Hi @MicheleR we have put our house up for sale, auction is in a couple of weeks, once sold my husband will leave his job and then after that we are planning on travelling around Australia in a caravan, stopping where we want and then eventually buying again and settling down when we are ready.
Big life change but sometimes that is what is needed to get you back on track3 -
Thanks to everyone who commented and those that contacted me personally. I know i can see a pyschologist but i always have these thoughts near a weekend! You guys are the best! Im working my way through my emotions with everyones comments and help.
I think where i have come to with the friends thing is that people sort of avoided me during chemo because they were uncomfortable. Knowing they are uncomfortable there is a whole part of my life I now cant really discuss. Can you have friends who you cant really talk to about everything? Im not sure. I guess you have different kinds of friends and can be aware of flaws within the friendship. Even my husband suffered by proxy - people stopped inviting us to stuff. We could potentially start inviting them but all is not well at home with one of my children. Again because some of my friends have children the same age i cant talk about this because i need to protect my childs situation. Maybe it will pass.0 -
Hi @Michelle_R, yes it's confronting to find friends aren't quite the friends you thought they were, good news is you also find the ones who are, even if they aren't the ones you thought it would be.
Just surround yourself with those who support you now & deal with the others on your own terms when you are ready
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@MicheleR you asked if we can have friends that we can't really talk to about everything. I believe we can, as some people are just at a different stage in their life or have not experienced the same as us. I have a friend that had breast cancer many years ago, and we lost contact when I moved away from that area about 9 years ago, but we have now reconnected. It is amazing now how I can understand what she must have gone through, which was a few years before we had even met. We now catch up every few months, and talk about many things, but when the topic of bc comes up she understands me, and knows what I am going through now as I am still on AI's, she finished hers years ago. We mainly talk about our commonalities, and any shared interests.
I don't bottle up things now, but at the same time I do choose my audience, I just don't think it realistic for people to get where I am coming from , or even any disappointments I may have had with some disappearing when I went through all my chemo and radiotherapy and infusions, now I just don't initiate the contact mostly, those who came back did, and those that didn't I say they were not true friends anyway! I hope that helps you somewhat, and I understand having to find our path again, or find a new path.
Wishing you the best, and take care.
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I think i can choose to reach out to them. I could also chose not to. It is hard to know if Im even inventing something in my head. But I know I am filtering my discussion where previously i didnt. In carefree days. Its hard to forget some careless or insensitive comments. I know I would have behaved differently if it was one of them.
There are some who were not as close who were unexpectedly kind.1 -
I experienced similar and some were just so kind and some are fair weather friends. It does really show you the worse side of some humans
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I've put this up before, but it's still relevant.
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Hey @MicheleR I get it. Sometimes it feels like I'm just plodding up the road to nowhere. Everything is so bloody tedious. Not necessarily unpleasant, but how did things get so wretchedly dull?
I quite like my job but not all the people I work with. Nothing unusual about that. My energy levels fluctuate (mostly downwards) too much for me to rally the will to do anything about some of the grinding irritation of dealing with incompetent colleagues. This has emboldened one particularly shrill bitch to the point where I am going to have to do something about her. That will, no doubt, break the boredom cycle but really? Really?
Five years ago I would have sorted this shit out before it became a major problem. Now I'm not sure I really give a toss. It's not something I find easy to discuss with people who could probably intervene as I'm tired of hearing myself grizzle and moan about a seemingly endless stream of minor issues.
I'm so over aches and pains and scabby skin cancers and some crappy thing that's wrong with one eye and the rapidly balding tyres on my overworked car and the feral rose bushes that keep springing up in my neglected garden and whatever it is that is digging burrows under my house and the filling that fell out of my tooth and the chainsaw that won't idle properly... To be honest, I just feel like staying in bed and pulling the doona over my head. Maybe we all need a holiday. Mxx2 -
Hi @Zoffiel,
To be honest im feeling grumpy right now. But its 8.25 and its drop kid off before starting work day time. It gets better as the day goes on.
I think priorities shift. I was feeling mostly hurray for life and just didnt really care about the everyday annoyances. But then something a bit bigger comes along. Im aware that although ive had some great support that the support i wanted from some wasnt there then or now. Thats not a revelation but annoying.
When i start work today, the minute i sit down i have to be in a skype meeting. I have always hated meetings first thing. I need a little time to think about what the day requires and on Mondays where im at with everything.
On saturday i had nothing to do whilst supervising a kid thing, couldnt go anywhere and that was annoying. I think im just in a i want to do what i want to do funk right now which might be understandable given the life upheaval and change in priorities. But then there is reality.
This morning in my grumpiness i dont feel like i want to do planned exercise this arvo id rather do what ever i feel at the time but when the time rocks round ill probably go and feel better for it.
All things pass if you wait long enough. I have a gp appt this week and will ask about counselling .
I hope you feel better as day wears on.
Michele
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Yeah, I'm grumpy too. The out of season strawberries I stupidly bought were both expensive and rotten. The in season pomegranate, however, was seedy, pithy, difficult and a little bitter but jewel bright and worth the effort. Go figure. Mxx0
