How supportive is your partner?

Zoffiel

Cancer (yours or anyone else's) doesn't change anyone's personality, but it sure puts stress on the fault lines.

I've been in this space for much longer than I ever expected to be around, and I can genuinely say that once the shit really hits the fan there can be some folk who are mightily disappointed in their partners, friends or family, but very few who are honestly surprised.

It's a brutal process, and relationship issues are the last thing we want to deal with when it feels like the rest of your life is going down the gurgler. Best advice is treat the situation like you would any other life threatening catastrophe--preserve life first. Don't waste too much energy on consoling the bystanders, if that's what they choose to be. They will wander off, decide to help or (the true fuckers) record the lot on their smart phone and expect to be treated like they are the traumatised party. Hang in there and keep your eye on the main game--survival. The rest seems to work itself out. MXX

Cath62

Hi @Nix, I am sorry your partner isn't there for you as expected. Maybe shock or fear. Time will tell. I was fortunate to have a good husband but he had bad days as I do too. I have only just finished all my surgical, chemo and radium treatment. It is all such alot to process. Some family were ok and others I heard nothing from and it was they same with friends too. Some great and some not. Some female friends said dreadful things to me. I guess they just didn't think. I thought close Female friends would be the best but not everyone can come on this ride with you. Wait and see what your diagnosis is and give your partner a chance. At the end of the day though this is all about you and you will need all the support you can to help get through it. Choose the people you want on this ride with you carefully and make sure they are there for your support. Best wishes 

Nix

Well, I just got my diagnosis and now my partner is probably the furtherest thing from my mind. If she sticks with me then that's great but I have my doubts. I don't blame her, she didn't sign up for this.  It will be a messy hard slog and as a few people have mentioned. I have no time for bystanders, your either in for the ride or adios. 

Thanks everyone. You guys rock. 💕🌈

Blossom1961

Just remember @Nix, you didn't sign up for this either.

Nix

I know 😒

Abbydog

Dear Nix,
Do you want to share the news of your diagnosis?
Is there a plan for treatment?

FLClover

Sorry @Nix, it sounds like you didn’t get the news you wanted. Please share with us any doubts or fears you have, or ask for advice if you need to. 

And I’m just going to repeat the above: you didn’t sign up for this either. After almost a year together, you’d think your partner would be there for the bad times too, not just the good times. Does she have 100% guarantee that nothing will ever happen to her when she’ll need support? 🤔. The world goes around. 

Don’t settle for less. You’re more than a cancer diagnosis. 

Good luck 🍀♥️

Nix

@Abbydog triple negative stage 3. I refuse to be negative though and I reckon I'll beat this. If I don't think positive ill crumble. Breast surgeon Fri to discuss what we need to do. 

Cath62

Good you get to see the surgeon Fri @Nix and start a plan. Plans really help us feel like we are doing something. You have a great attitude and determination. Be kind to yourself too.  This is a great bunch of people to talk to. Sending hugs 

Sister

@nix As many of us have found, once you have a direction to move in, it starts to get easier to cope with.  It'll never be "okay" but starting whatever treatment regime you have been given, seems to mean that you can stop floundering in that morass of despair.  You need to focus on you, now.  

Zoffiel

Just keep plodding. Trudging, dragging your sorry arse, whatever it takes.
When you find you are the main course in a totally movable feast there is little point in wondering when, or where, the meal ends. Mxx

arpie

I am So sorry that your partner isn't being supportive of you at this point in time, @nix - that sucks.  Maybe she'll 'come good' ..... all the best with your surgeon appt on Friday xx  As the others have said, once you have a 'plan' it sort of becomes easier .....   take care, be kind to yourself xx

sooziqu

Nix said:

Well, I just got my diagnosis and now my partner is probably the furtherest thing from my mind. If she sticks with me then that's great but I have my doubts. I don't blame her, she didn't sign up for this.  It will be a messy hard slog and as a few people have mentioned. I have no time for bystanders, your either in for the ride or adios. 

Thanks everyone. You guys rock. 💕🌈

This exactly @Nix.  You need to be focused and concentrate on you, your needs, your visits, your information.  It's a whirlwind of a time and you really need not be distracted by anyone who isn't firmly on your team.  It will all work itself out one way or the other.  But you come first.  I gave my partner the opportunity to walk because I told him he didn't sign up for it.  He chose to stay and was great.  But I was prepared to do it alone and sometimes I preferred to be alone than have him here too. Do whatever your heart, mind and gut tells you to.  You have to have your own best interests at heart and be prepared to advocate for your decisions and your health.  She'll step up or step away.  Good luck!!!!