Is this my new "normal"

POSB24

I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma earlier this year. Had lumpectomy and (after weeks of deliberation) didn't need chemo. 3 weeks of ray. That all finished a couple of months ago and with a few mental breakdowns aside I carried on and came out the other side. 
Why is it that I now seem to feel worse on a day to day basis? The smallest things can send me into tears or anger and I don't seem to be able to control which one I feel or the intensity.  I have been on Tamoxifen for approx 2 months and thankfully for everyone have been given 8 weeks grace from it from my oncologist.  
I haven't felt like the real me since February.  Is this my new normal?

Afraser

Dear @POSB24

It’s frequently hard to tell what triggers what. The fact that the world hasn’t been right since February is probably part of the mix. There’s the whole coming to terms with having cancer - or only partially doing do, or soldiering on and trying to not think about it. There’s having treatment and bearing up, or cracking up, or a bit of both. There’s the expectation of it being all over. But not feeling it. Time perhaps for a bit of talking to someone outside your family/friends, to allow you some space to express your feelings, particularly without tamoxifen in the mix. Not to talk about treatment but to talk about your feelings and the intensity of them. Many of us have found such conversations really helpful. Best wishes. 

iserbrown

Here's a link as a follow on to the above comment 
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/bcna-helpline/

POSB24

Thank you

arpie

Feeling overwhelmed by the whole thing is a very real reaction that most of us suffer from at some stage of our 'early' treatment.   On top of that, you go from being 'busy 24/7', to suddenly 'stopping everything' except taking the AI tablets (which can sometimes appear that the cure may be worse than the original complaint!)    You are not alone @POSB24

Having your emotions range from tears to rage is also totally 'normal' - but if you continue to feel 'overwhelmed' please seek professional help, to talk it thru.  Your Cancer Centre may have psychologists available to see you - or mention it to your Breast Cancer/McGrath Nurse.  You can also ring the help line here too, 1800 500 258 ...

I hope that your family is supportive of you ... as you have been put thru the mill already from diagnosis to now.

It DOES get better too, but may take a year or so - the busier you keep yourself, the less you tend to 'ponder' ... so I encourage you to keep doing your hobbies or even start NEW ONES to help keep you busy too!  

Take care, feel free to vent here, any time you like - cos we 'get it'!  xx

Zoffiel

Once you are on the cancer train, I don't know that you ever really get off it. ***singing Hotel California in my head*** I was first diagnosed in 2006 and had a recurrence in 2016. While I don't think about my disease every day, it's never far from my mind and it takes very little for that jerky, rolling out of control feeling of being transported against my wishes to reappear.

I'm a great advocate for getting some mental health support. We don't think twice about treating the physical, but there seems to be a reluctance to deal with the stuff going on in our heads, My long term shrink--whom I fondly think of as 'That Poor Woman'--has literally been a life saver when everything turns to shit, or I start obsessing about the possibility that it might. Coping strategies are really important. The best one for me is to try to step outside myself and regard whatever is grinding my gears through the lens of 'Isn't that interesting' To explore what has triggered me and observe how those circumstances are making me behave (really badly on some occasions)
The affordability of mental health care is a barrier, and I can be totally honest and say that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find a professional that suits you. That said, even the unsuccessful candidates have been helpful, if only because they have made me feel exceptionally sane and sensible. In comparison. Your GP can write you a referral as part of your chronic care program which will give you subsidized access for a couple of visits. 
This is a tough gig @POSB24 and takes a lot more out of us than we realize. Hang in there. MXX  

MicheleR

Things seem to happen in  a very whirlwind way by necessity. Sometimes you need time to catch up. My journey started 2 months ago and is still going. I sent my surgeon some chocolates yesterday to thank for the care and kindness. Establishing a relationship with those people is hard. They are focussed on the immediate problem  and sometimes forget that we are real people and we have back stories. I had to explain in my last session that I had a stressful job and I just didn't think I could do chemo whilst working. What i didn't get the time to say is that ive been a near workaholic five years and have been trying unsuccessfully to raise up my health. It feels a bit like this happened gor a reason- yo get me to listen. A hard lesson. My gp has been nervous talking about feelings, phobias. Are they afraid? I will probably get counselling at some point. This forum is really excellent with many wise experienced people. All the best. 

NelSky

@POSB24 I feel you ... the rollercoaster of BC is full on I’m recently diagnosed in August and find everything is effected.
My thoughts bounce a lot from hope to fear to hope and back I’ve got 6 more radio sessions then break then chemo and I’m feeling overwhelmed like will this ever stop, will I ever feel light and joyful like I used to. It’s like my brain has a lurking and loves to remind me hey you have a cancer then I try to reason saying well I evicted the cancer and now I have treatment either way all these new words, new thoughts and I’m still trying to make meaning out of it all. Mindfulness helps but hey we are human and we have some full on shit going on xx hang in there be kind to yourself xx