Cancerversary
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Same with me @hendrix. When I was called in for the ultrasound, the girl was trying to chat cheerfully to me while I was already planning how to tell the family and what I was going to do about telling them at work. After the doctor spoke to me and said it was all okay (they couldn't get the previous scans from Breastscreen so she couldn't compare), I burst into tears and the girl who was doing the scans apologised profusely - she knew what I was thinking and that it was probably okay, but she's not allowed to say anything.3
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Two years ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
It's been two years I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You guys know the depths to which it takes you. It's no use wishing, but if I had a magic wand I would magic the last two years away.
I'll never be one of the people who says cancer "saved" me. The loss of my breasts, the loss of of my confidence, the major depression, the damage to my hands, the brutal medical menopause and the ongoing side effects of the medication... It's the price you pay for life and I regret none of the treatment decisions I've made, but ye gods it's hard.
My second cancerversary hasn't been as difficult as the first. However I couldn't get to sleep until 2am last night, and today my energy and focus has been very scattered.
Two years ago my life was diverted onto a different path. Along the way I've met some truly wonderful people, made some beautiful new friends, had some great experiences, and made some deep, nurturing connections. I like to think that if I hadn't had cancer I might have done all these things, just differently. I'll never know, but letting go of what I thought my life was going to be is tremendously challenging.
Life knocks us all around. One in two of us will get cancer. One in seven of us women will have breast cancer. I like to think I'm wiser and more empathetic. I'm certainly sadder. And boy am I tired. But it's a milestone, getting to two years without a recurrence, and one I'm very happy to reach.
Thank you all for your support. K xox14 -
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@Kmakm,
Congrats on ticking off the two years lovely.
It's a bloody hard slog and you sure have been dealt the pointy end of the stick. I'm never really convinced anyone that says cancer saved me is telling the truth quite honestly. I have yet to meet anyone who says, Geez I'm so glad I got cancer.
I feel for you lovely, I really do.
It certainly sucks that on top of everything else you are now in constant pain. Medical menopause is just freaking awful but you are not well warned at the start just how hard it can be. I swear, the next person that moves my desk fan is going to end up in one of those hospital beds hehe.
It is something nobody expects isn't it? You go in presuming to get through the treatment and then pick up your life as normal (well, I did anyhow). There was no warning pamphlet that said life as you know it has now taken a very sharp left turn. You better have some damn good rebuilding plans.
If there was I am sure we would all have taken much longer to appreciate that day before a whole lot more. I remember vividly that morning heading to the doctor to get my results. It's funny how there are things you just know. I recall shutting the front door then opening it again and looking around my house. I said to myself, when you walk back in your life will be changed forever. True story.
If there is any consulation at all I think year two to three was where I made the most progress. (Apart from little soap opera at the moment) I do so hope you find the same. Keep searching for those small moments and hang on to them as best you can sweets.
You have been an absolute legend to so many people on here. Myself included.
Luv ya. xoxoxo7 -
Mine was today!3
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Well done @Sister and @kmakm on your 2 years clear! My 2 year diagnosis cancerversary is in 4 weeks today! ..... tho I have had the 'all clear' from the Rad Onc last week (delayed due to the fires) - and now don't see the surgeon til Feb 2020 for the official (hopefully) all clear.
Well said @kezmusc - yep - I knew it was bad news too before I got there ..... I'd already pre-booked an appt (knowing the results would be in the early new year & wanted to make sure I could get in!) So I was out in my kayak & got a call from the GPs office asking me to make an appt - and I told them I already had .... and they apologised for not checking! So I knew.
I hope your little soap opera settles down soon so you can grab the reins & get back into it full bore again!
Never a dull moment, eh? I think I joined BCNA about the same time as my surgery.
I must admit tho, since taking the magic oil - I am no longer as aware of the side effects of my AIs 24/7 and am sleeping much better too, tho occasionally it sneaks thru - so don't be afraid to give it a go. Back when I started, the aches & pains were really bad - even affecting my ukulele playing & was not much better with the 2nd lot. I am now on my 3rd lot. Anyone wanting more info on it - just PM me.
All the best, ladies xxxx
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To follow on from the earlier comments, while I realise how fortunate I have been that the cancer was found, it's a damn hard road at times, coping with treatment and then the side effects of AIs. The thing that I am struggling with most at the moment is that my resilience is in such a fragile state, and I know that the scanxiety and cancerversary probably feed into this. What I didn't take into account during active treatment was that when real life resumes, the rest of the crap is still there and you just add the delights of BC and it's associated baggage on top. Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been posting much lately. I'm still reading things and I love you all but composing posts is mostly a little beyond my brain and energy levels at present.
I suspect that this may be a new feature of life post-BC where the only option is to slog through, trimming non-essential services, until things are resolved and mental energy is restored (slightly). That's my strategy, anyway - if it takes too much and it doesn't need to happen, off it goes. I won't say I'm okay but I am surviving and dealing with one thing at a time (just wish life would stop adding more!).
So, happy 2 years to us! And for me, hopefully normal transmission will resume shortly.4 -
@Sister
You sound very fatigued from it all! Hopefully the joy of the festive season, break from work, time with family and allowing the crap of life to sort of wash over will help you relax into who you are! It does get better but it takes time!
Take care and best wishes
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Congratulations @Sister.
Lots of anniveraries at this time of year isn't there?
I get what you mean. You're so focused on getting back to "normal" that I think we put life before BC on a higher pedestal than it probably deserved. Unless, of course, you happen to be fantastically rich, famous and tripping all over the world. The bills were still there, work as well, groceries and housework had to happen,kids to look after blah.
I did ponder that often. How good was it actually? Was it all I was amping it up to be. Sure, I wasn't sore, overheating every 2 mins (add in multiple side effects here). Nor did I think about death as often, but the mundane and boring daily life stuff, that hadn't changed at all. That's pretty much when I quit wanting old normal back.
I do so hope it starts to get a bit easier this year for you and that santa spoils you rotten. You deserve it lovely.
xxoxoxoxo
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So many of us are having anniversaries around this time, just to put us more on edge around the festive season. Well, today is my second year anniversary & guess where I have just come from.....my GP! Who makes an appt on their cancerversary! Yes, I knew it was today but thought i may need a referral to squeeze in an xray on top of my already busy day in Adelaide on Monday when I have my mammo, visit my BS for my results, skin cancer check & first lymphoedema screening...who has time to work! As I walked into the surgery, I remember vividly, this time 2 years ago being lead out the back door in a sobbing mess. Unlike others, i went to the appt thinking all would be OK, even after having so many tests a few days beforehand. My husband drove home from work to be with me & I spent all day sobbing on the couch in between phone calls, booking medical appts....all a blur.
But we have all gone through it & we are all here today, battered, bruised & all at different stages of treatment & recovery. Wow, the forum friendships we have all made through this hideous disease, the bonds that will never be broken. Although many of us will never meet, we probably know a lot more about each other than many of our friends. This BCNA forum has been the best teacher, doctor & most importantly, it has given me the best & most understanding friends.
I have been so lucky with my cancer "journey" unlike many others & that often makes me feel guilty. Why have they gone through all of that when I haven't? And there have been many times that i wish I could help take away some of your pain but i cant so all I can do is offer prayers, love, support & a kind word as many of you have done for me.
@kmakm Congrats on 2 long years ticked off! To say your road has been tough, is an understatement. I could write on here all day of how beautiful & strong you are & how you have helped so many of us & let us into your life. By knowing how many people you have touched, will hopefully put a smile in your heart & help to lessen your pain a little. I wish you love & strength in every day & hope that will help you when the days are tough & as each month & year ticks over, you can see some things are getting better & easier. xxxx
@Sister Lovely to read your post & see you back for a little visit. I have been thinking of you as we both begun here together 2 years ago. So glad you have ticked off another year with me! It has been wonderful to have you by my side even though your road has been a lot rockier than mine. You have battled on with strength & courage. One of the highlights of being on this forum is giving us a chance to meet each other & it has been a privilege to have been able to meet you twice & share our stories. I know you are going through a tough time at the moment but the school holidays will be here soon so hopefully, the strain will be lifted slightly. Concentrate on you & taking care of yourself & I hope 2020 will bring you everything you deserve. xxxx
@arpie You will be able to celebrate your 2 years knowing you have already "passed" your test!! Congrats to you in ticking off another year. Thanks for the laughs & smiles & keep playing that uke! Glad to read you are going along nicely & your positive attitude is quite infectious on here so keep it up!! xxxx
Love, strength & prayers to all of you & especially those doing it tough. It is a hard time to be dealing with cancer as it seems everyone around us is focused on what Christmas presents to buy & how big should the turkey be this year! For many of us, it is a very emotional time & instead of seeing how many Christmas parties we can attend, many of us just want a friendly ear & the love & support of a friend. So, let us all remember the little things that matter & share some kindness to those that need it the most. xxxx7 -
Wed.14th Dec. 2011 - admitted to hospital for left breast masectomy and removal of a few lymph nodes. Only child living overseas and husband working a few hundred miles away - had so many offers of help from two sisters and girlfriends that we drew up a roster. Some stayed over and I had the nurse call in daily for a few days. A bit strange given the reason for all this but I look back on some very vivid and strong memories of sharing my vulnerability, laughing, sharing jokes and stories, playing scrabble and care with hygiene (how wonderful to have someone wash my hair!). It felt like being in a nurturing bubble. A friend insisted on putting up all the Xmas decorations and another friend made a picnic lunch which we ate with me propped up in bed and her next to me. We felt like kids being a bit naughty. So although this time of year is my anniversary the beautiful memories of love and laughter are stronger.
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@Beryl C. I remember coming out of hospital on 22nd Dec '17. Walking very gingerly & clutching my pink pillow for comfort. The 2 hr drive home was uncomfortable but so nice to be home. I was struggling to do anything, my hubbie doing everything for me. As Christmas day approached, i wondered what to do as both our families are in Adelaide, 2 hrs away. I chose to go as we had planned pre-cancer so the long journey begun with me still clutching my pink pillow. To be around my family was important as they had given me so much love & support during the last month. I guess I wanted & needed to be around those who had gotten me through. Like you, it is a time of wonderful memories of how supportive & loving a family can be. xx3
