Why are we in hiding?
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I think really most woman do it so they feel comfortable not so much for others. Although living in a small community I made the effort to look well...as I didn't want the gossip that I was dying or something. So it was ultimately for my choice not others.
Prosthesis I think women wear so they feel balanced and comfortable. Bilateral mastectomies make it easier to go flat.
I personally chose reconstruction not for others but for me. I am bottom heavy already so it would be near impossible to buy clothes that fitted me well without something replacing my boobs. Also my main asset was my boobs. ..so I was rather attached to my cleavage and keen to have it returned.
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I am only 19 days post my major reconstruction but at this stage have no regrets and a solid feeling of having made the right decision for me. Because of the way my treatment plan happened, I had plenty of time to think about it, research, discuss and debate the pros and cons. Because of my family history I had actually given it some thought along the 'if this ever happened to me what would I do' lines long before I developed BC. My breast surgeon sensed that and it was gently raised at my diagnosis. It's a highly personal decision and I knew that for my psychological health, having always been generously endowed in the chesticle department, that waking up flat was a bad scenario for me. I never felt pressured and so far I'm pleased with the results. Check back with me in six months!1
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I've always loved that song too @romla. I remember when my big sister bought the single - I think it was probably around the time of The Female Eunuch and the equal pay disputes. Re: the whipping off of things, I had a mental image of "the aliens are among us"! :-)
Please don't think that I am criticising those of you who have had reconstructions - I am most definitely not. I was just musing on a world where no-one would expect it. And where I would feel comfortable going anywhere without a mask, because I'm not so brave. I certainly wear my prosthesis for appearance as the damn thing is so uncomfortable after awhile as are the bras that I need to wear with it. If I wasn't so obviously lop-sided, I definitely wouldn't. I am so pleased that for many the reconstructions have been a really positive experience but I also know that there's others like @zoffiel who go through all of that pain and don't have a good outcome (although heartening to hear that the dates have not had an issue with it). And I'm hearing you about the questions @SoldierCrab - I've had women in bc groups think I've had a reconstruction and then are surprised when I say I haven't and don't know if I will.
What has surprised me is just how brave I'm not, anymore. I used to be someone who would say "Who gives a f*&k" and be happy to celebrate being different. I've realised that I've lost her somewhere along the way.
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@Sister never once thought you were critisizing anyone.... You are brave because you are questioning the status quo.....
Be gentle with yourself
Hugs
Soldiercrabxxx1 -
Too much time to think and question how I've got to this particular spot (after so many years just being on the go all of the time). I digress from the topic of this thread a bit but, do you ever wonder who you would be if you had made a slightly different choice at some point in your life (like Gwynneth missing the train in Sliding Doors)?2
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Often0
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@Sister always but st the same time BC and all I’m mostly happy with my life cause I have a great husband and job. Do I wish I had saved more so I could own a house yes? But I hwve got to travel which is more valuable than property to me. I think everyone feels like this sometimes.0
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Helen Reddy’s song “I am woman” would make a helluva breast cancer anthem if it could be modified to be gender inclusive @Giovanna_BCNA4
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@Sister No criticism taken! I admire everyone's decisions. If it's right for them that's just perfect. I especially admire the BMX flat and fabulous. Love their gusto. My mother is "lopsided", and for the last few months has been going without her ancient prosthesis because she's 'lost' it in the house somewhere... I barely notice it and she barely cares!
I often think about the sliding doors moments in my life, not with regret but with curiosity. Like, what would my life have been like if I'd stayed living in London in 1993 rather than coming home?
The 'new' me feels lost and so anxious. I hope we both get our mojo back, hopefully sooner rather than later. K xox0 -
I only have one headlight and I have not worn a bra since I was diagnosed 2.5yrs ago. I always loathed bras anyway. I usually wear a cotton top of shirt material when out and with pockets on the front which kind of hides the missing one and the nipple of the other.
The other day I was giving out how to vote cards with my shirt on and then a tshirt with the vote logo on it over the top. Well the temperature climbed to 33c and then I got hot flushes every half hour so I had to take the shirt off and just wear the clingy T. The logo sort of skewed to one side over the missing boob but I tell you, in over a thousand people who passed me, not one stared at my chest and not one commented either. People don't really care so I don't either. Of course I am prepared to talk about my bc journey if someone asks. Bra free and loving it!6 -
Oops @Giovanna_BCNA could you delete last remark please was a mistake0
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Hi @Romla,
done!1 -
This has been another great thread, amongst many of recent times. A thread of people, women, discussing their choices, their reasons, and their feelings about those choices. At no point throughout this thread has there been a comment that has felt judgemental. I applaud you all on your raw honesty.
Thanks @Sister, for starting the thread.6
