Is that right? Did you really say that?
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I'm still bald and have been mistaken for a buddhist nun, a circus performer and a radical lesbian - depends what I'm wearing.
I've had many catastophe's where well meaning friends say the wrong thing.
Everyone says how well I look and inside I die a little death everytime I hear those words.
Lots of people feel uncomfortable with cancer and will just blurt out anything, like my panelbeater the other day.
Trying to express his sorrow at my situation, he started on about how dreadful it must be for young girls to lose such an important part of their sexual identity. I tried my best to distract him from the topic but didn't feel at all affronted by his ramblings - he meant well.
The worst thing I ever heard from someone was when I had a newborn baby in the NICU at Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney. "At least you've got 2 healthy children to go home to"!4 -
My favorite was while i was in hospital after lumpectomy surgery, a lady i go to uni with messaged me to tell me how pissed off she was that she couldn't work on the essay we had due because she had a paper cut on her thumb and couldn't write. When I didn't respond to this she messaged me again asking if i was giving her my resting bitch face look. Hahaha at least she relised how ridiculous her message was.8
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“Oh you’re so brave aren’t you margie” definately felt like slapping that one lol. Xx5
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Most nurses are wonderful but I was rather short with the one who asked a list of slightly odd questions (because she didn't have time to read the notes in front of her) ending with "Do you have any anxiety?" To which my reply was "You mean over and above having breast cancer, losing a breast, having chemo, losing my hair, peripheral neuropathy and now a heart problem?". Wouldn't have minded as much if she hadn't been perfectly aware of the cancer and why I was waiting to see a specialist! Following the tick a box list I assume.6
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I get the “you’re an inspiration” all the time. Like, what else am I supposed to do. I’m just getting shit done.
I’m also getting sick of the “my situation could always be worse” followed by staring at me. Yeah, and my situation could also be a lot worse so you know, shush. And my situation doesn’t cancel out your shitty situation either.
My favourite reaction was telling my older brother that I had BC. He immediately responded with “but you hardly go out in the sun”. Oh you’re so cute! He still doesn’t know a lot about cancer, and I’m glad he can be that innocent for a while longer.9 -
When I had to withdraw from my subject at uni I got a call from a woman from the uni who asked me why I had dropped out. I told her that I had breast cancer. Without missing a beat, she asked me “Any other reason?, are you happy with the lecturers? . . Then she went on to ask a list of about 10 other questions in a very upbeat tone. I thought if only you knew!
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@LucyE oh dear she was just following her script, I know my Daughter does that type of work at Uni whilst also being a Uni student.... but due to my BC diagnosis she has found it helpful to go off script when she gets a reply like yours and ask if there is anything that the Uni can do in regards to supports and extensions of times etc or leave of absence etc.
When I realised that is it often 19/20yr old Uni students who do those paid jobs at uni it made sense about how they follow script and answer. They have no understanding and in general we just dont want them to have need to understand it because that would mean they had BC ...
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Oh I've heard some real doozies, but as with so many things and situations in my life, all 59 years of it, I resort to humour, often very black. I've had a few people squirm a tad, when I turn it on myself, such as saying things like, "Oooh I'd give my left tit for..." whatever it is being discussed. Followed up with, "Of course, if I still had one, or even a right one, come to that"... That sort of self deprecating humour has always been part of my personality, and I don't intend to change. It has gotten me through many tough situations in the past, and I reckon I'll still be the same until they nail my box shut one day.5
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@SoldierCrab you are right, she did sound very young and probably wasn’t used to that response. It sounds like your daughter is doing a wonderful job!1
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'Whats your prognosis?'
What? Are you in the habit of asking people when they are likely to die?
'Better than yours if you don't learn some bloody manners.' Cue pirate smile.21 -
So heartening to read that other people also get such ridiculous things said to them too1
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@LucyE
she is trying her best there have been days were she went into the supervisors office closed the door and burst into tears because for her, it brings it all up again my diagnosis, but she is training to be a psychologist and said to me I need to learn to handle these things effectively mum.. if it has been a day with multiple calls like that she often comes home makes me a cuppa takes my 2 phones (work/personal) and puts them on silent I know she needs to debrief without telling me peoples names, etc. ..... Some of her friends who work in the centre with her at 19/20 and never experienced any life threatening incidents in their home life so are really drowning at times. I hope that my diagnosis has actually prepared her more for what she does now and in the future.1 -
Hate the comments stating that you're all better now because your treatments are finished; that you're looking so well; aren't you glad it's all over with; why would you worry about it coming back if the scans showed no evidence spread? Also hate that we're not supposed to dislike our new, fat, deformed, painful, forever changed bodies, as we should just be grateful to be alive. My absolute fave STAY POSITIVE... Yep, that'll do the trick!11
