breast cancer roller coaster
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It's a sad time when we join this club, but quickly after joining does this 'club' make us welcome and feel "we are not alone" and we're surrounded by other club members who really 'get it'. Welcome. Thanks for sharing this part of your journey and I look forward to sharing all of our journeys together here. I had a vision of a type of Wagin train or horses being ridden and other riders and wagons joining in at different parts if the trail. Others leaving to start a dufferent journey.
It's a shame we aren't surrounded by a group of breast cancer survivors when we are told our diagnosis. In a perfect world we could be taken away to a lovely BC hotel with people there with information, support and TIME to digest the news. Our closest family and friends would be there to be trained and counselled also so we are forming a community of bonding and support.
Just reading all the information in the pack. Working through the grief cycle or getting over the shock is huge. I know we've come a long way with breast cancer support, information and special nurses ( of which I've not been given name of one or anything) but we need to get people in here quickly so they can 1) see how many supportive people are on here. 2) see how many survivors there are and 3) so they can rant, vent and express honest emotions they may be afraid to show relatives/friends. I know I was very closed to discussing any of my thoughts or feelings as I didn't want to upset anyone nor be seen as self pitying.
Food for thought and something to work on in the future.4 -
I think breast cancer is a bit a a roller coaster for all of us in one way or another. I was diagnosed mid Jan after a routine mammogram. My tumour was small and so was told a lumpectomy and radiation would take care of it. Unfortunately it was a lot more aggressive than they expected and there were cancer cells in the lymph nodes so all of a sudden chemo was on the table. Had my last chemo two weeks ago, hated it, the fatigue and various other side affects have knocked me around and I have put on weight and feel uncomfortable in my body. Don't like wearing a wig, way to hot and uncomfortable with all the hot flashes, so have a collection of scarves and hats.
I start radiation next week and will have to stay away from home as with the fatigue I couldn't manage the 2.5 to 3 hour drive each way without killing myself or someone else. I am so pleased to be finished chemo and am not too worried about the radiation and yet for some reason at the moment I'm extremely emotional, crying and don't know why. I for one am looking forward to getting off the roller coaster, however I guess that is a long way off with the years of hormone blockers, doctor visits and the not knowing if the C word will raise its ugly head again somewhere down the track.
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@CateH I think it's not uncommon to feel emotional once chemo is done. I too found it very hard going, I gained LOTS of weight and was just exhausted all the time and just so darned depressed. My end of chemo was a bit of an anticlimax really. By this time everyone was a bit over it and didn't really appreciate how significant it was to me. ...as it really tooks its toll and I truly felt like a marathon runner dragging myself across the line. If course for me I was back still having herceptin. Recovery was slow and I thought I'd be ready to try to return to work in 3 weeks only to realise I needed yet another month. I was teary and finally able to grieve for what I had lost...my boobs, my hair, my figure, my energy and the biggest, my ability to feel that I could make plans for holidays and retirement etc...as I was so scared I wouldn't even make that age or be able to do any of it. Slowly slowly though my energy returned, I tackled my weight and I am slowly reclaiming my life and thinking of myself as a survivor. For how long? We don't know that but I'm determined to continue to believe I am cancer free and just get on with living not waiting to die. The shift was gradual and then it basically was because I chose to believe it. Hoping your radiotherapy goes well and that you just take time to geal from this assault on you, both physically and emotionally. Kath4
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yes indeed a roller coaster and wow you finished Chemo! impressive. I am week 5 then radio and our stories are similar,they found the more agressive cancer on surgery, I guess we are both lucky they found ours early, take it easy and good luck with the radio, my oncologist said any more than 15 days of radio is not worth the tiredness, wonder what yours says?0
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Yes, I too am starting to feel like a zombie, getting fat, forgetful, cold and self conscious, night time is the worst, but each day the end of chemo gets closer, they tell you about side effects but not the grief and loss, and tearfulness. Only hair they say! but its the itching, and painful scalp that hurts, With the support on this site someone is always positive and we turn to others who have experienced the same, rather than those who say "you will get through this", yes but we can whinge a little to help us through!2
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@Cosette_BCNA, love the T shirt1
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A well meaning aboriginal friend of mine commented yesterday in a crowded room, Wow you are getting fat! I cannot explain how hurtful that comment was ( without I am sure any intent to be) damn chemo, it has reduced totally my self esteem0
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That sucks @Cassina ! Well meaning, my arse (as in let's not talk about the size of it)
Chemo has changed for the better in the last few decades but the assumption still seems to be that we will spend months lying in pools of spew while fading away to shadows of our former selves. That we're now stuffed full of steroids and drugs that make you feel like an inflatable mattress hasn't generally sunk in.
Putting on weight while going through all this shit is bad enough without being reminded of it. Humph!1 -
Has anyone else got facial hair growing while doing chemo. I've noticed everywhere, only light in color but i feel so gross because of it. WTF .0
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I don't know WTF @LMK74 , but that would have to be about the last straw.
Some of my hair kept growing, but thankfully not on my face. My eyelashes fell out 6 weeks after my last chemo and my pubes are (or are not) growing back in some sort of freaky reverse Brazillian where every thing is outside my panty line. See how I cleverly avoided the word bikini...4 -
Lol Zoffiel, my eyebrows and lashes are thinning , certainly haven't lost all the pubes yet unfortunately. I've never had facial hair before but it's now pissing me off the feel of it and wondering if I'll look like a f###ing wolf to top it off. All I can think is it must be the oestrogen shut down maybe. The hot flushes are horrendous and I've got my fan running all night despite it being like 11 degrees overnight.0
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Lmk i lost every hair on my body even pubes haha I loved it! Im fair so not hairy at all. When i finished chemo i was walking through a carpark and it was windy...i kept brushing my face because it felt like something was on it!! Turns out it was the downing growing back hilarious! !! It settled down but i thought how amazing it was. Melinda1
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On taxol my hair started growing back on and I had long white hair on my face and neck wtf...definetly. I gained 23kg during treatment . I work in mental health and many of my clients lack the so called social etiquette. One said really loudly in a public waiting area..."what have you done to your hair! " in horrified tones (hatless...silver growth on show! ) and one other commented how fat I was. I did actually laugh at both as at least they treated me just like anyone else and not a cancer patient. I was well on recovery road at this stage though...if they'd said it during treatment I would have burst out crying as I was miserable...and did not work as not physically or mentally fit enough to do it. People constantly amaze me with what they say. Kath x1
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Primek, does it eventually go away. How can it grow on the face but fall out every where else. Yes people can be rude, but in mental health facilities you kind of expect it. I've spent many a time in the psych ward with my brother so know what you mean.0
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I successfully managed to keep bc confidential from my workplace (except the boss), and combined sick leave and annual leave to use up until after chemo. Then I realized....when I go back to work, everyone is going to know, because I didn't wear a wig, and no matter how much we kid ourselves, a beanie with no hair poking out is a bit of a giveaway, as are no eyebrows.lashes. So unfortunately on my first day back I had to face people who only realised what was happening when they saw me, hence lots of tears and shock (for them) and words of reassurance (from me). I would have been better off telling people before I came back, to let them get used to the idea before seeing me in person. Oh, well, next time.......hey no way, no next time! All the best!
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