Yet another new girl

Hello Holly.  So sorry that you had to join us but we are all here for you.  Not sure if someone has answered you on one question yet, but I can say that yes, you do feel like living someone elses life, and that feeling is normal.  I too felt like I was in this bubble and my husband and kids were living life as we knew it, but mine was paused.  I felt completely detatched and alone.  I was diagnosed at 39 with the same aggresive cancer as you and my gene test results were only done after my treatment had ended this year.  It has just come back positve for BRCA2 and I also had no family history (that I knew of) but got tested due to my young age at diagnosis and aggresiveness of my cancer.  In hind sight I would've wanted to know my gene test results before my initial surgery because I now have to go back for a 2nd mastectomy of the remaining healthy breast as well as hysterctomy.  It is a bummer that they didn't just test me before hand because they could have then taken both at the same time.  I take my hat off to you for dealing with it all while your difficult circumstances must have made it really challenging.  Hang in there girlfriend, you have plenty of support and realness here!

Virtual hugs x

Hi Holly,

Welcome to the group. Yes you are unlucky but lucky that you picked it up.

I too had no family history and just took myself to a mammogram because of friends going through it and happened to come across invasive breast cancer with 6 tumours and 2 lymph nodes impacted. 

I finish my last chemo tomorrow after 8 rounds and start radio for 6 weeks on 14 December. Double mastectomy and recon in February.

If I can provide any advice to you, it would be take each step at a time and dont look further than that if you can. Only read positive stories of outcomes like Kylie Minogue, Sally Oboemeader and Olivia Newton-John.  Try meditation (there are some great downloads for your phone to calm you and create positive thinking through treatment) and know that so many people are thinking of you and reach out to any support group (family, friends, this network etc) that suits you. And remember breast cancer is unique to everyone, I have a GP and a close friend with very similiar pathology BC as mine, so I know we are talking about similar experiences but acknowledge the differences as well.

I wish you well in your recovery. Sending you hugs and healing wishes Kym xx

Thanks Anita, lovely to hear from you. I will look into the McGrath breast care nurse, sounds like a great support.

I have read that acupuncture can help some women with the menopause symptoms. I spoke with my oncologist about it and she seems to think it's definitely worth a try as she has seem some positive results, so I think it can't hurt for me to try it! I'm pretty used to having needles poked into me now anyway! ;) 

Here's hoping the hot flushes will subside for both of us soon and we can have happiness instead xx

Marni, I can't thank you enough for your lovely post! I am so sorry it's been such a difficult journey for you, I can't begin to understand how hard it must be going through this with a young baby. You must be one amazing lady!

I have never until now used any type of social media as I am normally a very private person so I really appreciate you replying to me. It's hard as you say to let the words out because it really is like admitting there is something wrong. I can truly identify with the lopsided and no hair alien look too as that is exactly the same as what I have!

I too had to move house (during my first chemo round actually) so I know how stressful that is. It's great to know there is an and in sight though as you say. One day at a time for now I think! It's nice to feel that it's ok to have 'bad' days sometimes and that i'm not on my own when those dark clouds appear.

Thank you for the kind words, wishing you health and happiness :)

Thanks for your lovely words of support Karen. I have now looked into the idea of yoga as you suggested and it looks like there is a local group I can join on fridays, not specifically for cancer patients but says all are welcome so I'll give it a go!

You are right, one of the hardest things for me is that often (except during chemo of course) I don't feel sick. If I put a wig and makeup on, I don't really look too sick either. So when I go out people think I'm all ok and then wonder why I get so tired etc. They don't understand the muscle loss or aches and pains I have underneath! I'm used to putting on the brave face and pretending it's all ok but at the end of the day without all the gear on, i'm faced with the real me in the mirror and it's the constant reminder of what i'm going through that I can't escape from.

I am working hard on trying to see the beauty within and understanding that (hopefully) after surgery I am cancer free and it's just the treatments that are still making me feel sick as you say. Hearing it from others does make it much easier so thank you once again! :)

Thank you so much for your reply Tanya! I can't believe how much you are going through also. It's bad enough the first time! I too am awaiting the genetic test results about BRCA, (they decided to test me anyway even with no family history as my tumour was so aggressive and in an unusual area for my age) So waiting to find out as it may mean bilateral mastectomy and ovary removal for me also if I do carry the gene :(

It's so hard not knowing what the future holds. Like you I wonder what I will happen with work, family and relationships. I guess it will all work out in the end if we stay positive. I think the idea of a psychologist is a good one, even though i'm really terrible at talking/opening up about my problems, I guess it's time to face it all.

All I can say is that hopefully this is us getting all of our lives worth of bad luck done with and it will be much better times from here on in!

Stay strong, you are truly amazing xx

Thanks for the advice rowdy, I have joined the young women's support group now so hopefully I am on the way to feeling much better! Cheers xx

Thanks so much Tracey, it's so reassuring just to know there are others out there that know just how I feel! I will definitely be looking into a Look Good Feel Better workshop, it sounds like a nice idea. :)

Hi Holly,

I was diagnosed in may and this network has been my lifeline someone is always here for you and the advice is invaluable, I'm thinking of also joining a support group. I absolutly agree with Tracy a Look Good Feel Better Workshop it's a really good way to meet other women undergoing treatment and they are fun I did one in October and it was awesome I am 46 so I can't imagine how you must feel about going through menopause I too am starting to go through it thanks to chemo but we have to get better, support is the most important thing and really gets you through, do you have a Breast Care Nurse they are amazing I have 2 McGrath Breast Care Nurses who are amazing and 1 from the Cancer Council NT and she's great too sometimes you need to talk to someone who isn't family/ friends and they are great and the women on here are amazing we are all at some stage in our journey and we are all here for each other. Sending you a cuddle and a smile and heaps of positive vibes.

Anitaxx

Hi Holly

i am a few years older than you but still young to be diagnosed with breast cancer, although sadly it seems more and more young women are being diagnosed. I had a triple negative cancer which was overlooked as something non aggressive the first two scans I asked for after I first found a lump. Unfortunately by the third time I went back (post my baby) it was four lumps and in my lymph nodes. 

I had six months chemo, and yes I agree it had to be one of the most horrible things I have been through. I know some people can work through their treatments but I found mine debilitating and was so nauseous and unwell I couldn't do anything. I guess lucky for me I was on maternity leave still ?? My partner had to stop work to be at home to help out with our baby so it has been an extremely hard year for us having to move, not working and being on benefits (for the first time in my entire life and I really hate it), plus going through everything else. I've now had surgery (I had a lumpectomy I guess they call it but it was a large wedge of my breast and boy am I lopsided now!), and am on the home stretch of radiotherapy. Like you I didn't reach out to any groups for a long time, and even now my posts are very sporadic as I find it hard, I guess because it was like admitting I was sick and I just didn't want to. 

It can be so hard to stay positive and you definitely don't have to all the time. I know it's even harder when you've traditionally been the "strong" one and have people telling you what an inspiration you are etc etc. I don't feel like an inspiration! I'm just doing what so many other women are doing and dealing with this horrible situation as best I can.

I'm so sorry you are alone, or feeling alone, going through this. It's such a hard path there's no denying that at all. I also lost all my hair, ALL of it! I felt like some horrible bald alien and that anyone looking at me could tell I was sick. I invested in a good wig, and it really is worth paying for a good one! And bought lots of eyeliner and practiced how to look like i wasn't missing all my eyelashes and eyebrows. I also got a wig with a fringe so I didn't feel so obvious. Some women totally rock the whole look though and wear the wraps, etc, it's really what makes you feel most like you, as much as you can. 

The good news is, you come out the other side. You really do. I feel like the majority of this year I've lived in a dark hazy cloud of feeling sick, tired and aching, not my normal happy self. I thought i'd never remember how to laugh and make a joke again or how to socialise and be normal around people including my friends, but believe me you will. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or next month, but you will. 

Sorry for the long post, this is the most I've ever written!