Stage 2a BC no node involvement, clear margins. HER- negative but hormone positive. Had a lumpectomy, 4 rounds of Chemo on Tamoxifen and decided to have a bi lateral mastectomy booked for 27th Oct so no rads needed. 44 years old and 3 little girls.So really that sounds all pretty good news so why the heck can I not find that switch that turns on positive? Sitting waiting to see Oncologist ( on PALLAS trial). And having a panic attack over it.

@Shorelle don't be hard on yourself! You're allowed to be down without the positive switch coming on! What you need to look for is acceptance of where you are at - as acceptance allows you to cope with treatment! Don't rush it, don't force it! It will come! In the meantime come on here and vent as we will help you through, we get it! You are taking great strides towards a new you that will be cancer free! Take care and sending you a virtual hug xx

Hey @Shorelle, as @iserbrown said - be kind to yourself...and allow yourself to take the time to understand, acknowledge and accept what is happening to you. Everyone's BC journey is different, as different, diverse and multifaceted as there are strains, stages, grades and types of BC itself! So no one's journey is the same and no one's approach can be superimposed onto someone else's. What you have to do, and feel, is what is right for you.One question I used to always ask myself (instead of the 'stay positive' mantra) was: "How is this (X) helping me to recover, to heal, to move forward?" If it wasn't, then I felt that I needed to do something about it. If it was, then I needed to do more of it :).Take care and big hugsNikki x

@Shorelle I think it's because it happens so incredibly suddenly and without warning, so its overwhelming and leaves you in a state of shock for quite some time. You then start on your various treatments and are on auto pilot and we actually don't give ourselves enough credit of the complexity of all of this. Physically, mentally and emotionally are so so hard to try and balance because we're busy doing all that we should that it takes time to catch up mentally and emotionally..it really is a process.The girls are right...so key....Be Kind to you, cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time to digest it all. I don't know I think its just finding peace within yourself to deal with each step as you go in a way that you can manage and just feel ok. I struggled a bit after my 2nd diagnosis but realising emotionally is so complex, so slow and steady and loving me so much more through each step. Really became a day at a time and just acknowledging how I felt in every moment then letting it go. Hugsxx Melinda

@Shorelle, as the other ladies have said, give it time, you will find some acceptance of where you are.if you are like me though, it will come and go.right now I am feeling fairly fed up, I am half way through radiation and although it is not nearly as bad as chemo, or recovering from two lots of surgery, I have had enough.I will get through it, I know, and will be upbeat again when this has finished.So be gentle on yourself, if you can find some little enjoyment in each day, even just a little ritual of making some tea, I also taped and watched a couple of favourite shows (that my husband had no interest in) during the day, you might find it helps.I found that having little breaks like that to look forward to, that treated myself, helped me get through chemo and recovery from surgery.

@Shorelle so many of us know how you feel. I am a nurse working in palliative care, so I know how lucky I am to be now “cancer free” after an exhausting year of treatment, but I’m still pissed off it happened in the first place and by how much it has taken away from myself and my family. I feel like I have to put on a fake smile and be positive all the time for the benefit of those around me so that they don’t worry, but its just exhausting, and sometimes I’m so angry about this shit that I just want to punch something! If cancer was an entity I would take great pleasure in punching it in the face! I have a councillor at my breast clinic who I have seen through my breast clinic that I find benefits me greatly. I see her when I am ‘heavy’ with all of this and need to offload, at least this way my friends and family don’t have to cop it. All the best to you. It is so normal to feel the way you are feeling.

Where is that positive switch? | BCNA Online Network

13 Replies

Unicornkisses
Member
8 years ago
@Shorelle, as the other ladies have said, give it time, you will find some acceptance of where you are.
if you are like me though, it will come and go.
right now I am feeling fairly fed up, I am half way through radiation and although it is not nearly as bad as chemo, or recovering from two lots of surgery, I have had enough.
I will get through it, I know, and will be upbeat again when this has finished.
So be gentle on yourself, if you can find some little enjoyment in each day, even just a little ritual of making some tea, I also taped and watched a couple of favourite shows (that my husband had no interest in) during the day, you might find it helps.
I found that having little breaks like that to look forward to, that treated myself, helped me get through chemo and recovery from surgery.
nikkid
Member
8 years ago
Hey @Shorelle, as @iserbrown said - be kind to yourself...and allow yourself to take the time to understand, acknowledge and accept what is happening to you.

Everyone's BC journey is different, as different, diverse and multifaceted as there are strains, stages, grades and types of BC itself! So no one's journey is the same and no one's approach can be superimposed onto someone else's. What you have to do, and feel, is what is right for you.

One question I used to always ask myself (instead of the 'stay positive' mantra) was: "How is this (X) helping me to recover, to heal, to move forward?" If it wasn't, then I felt that I needed to do something about it. If it was, then I needed to do more of it :).

Take care and big hugs

Nikki x
iserbrown
Member
8 years ago
@Shorelle don't be hard on yourself!
You're allowed to be down without the positive switch coming on! What you need to look for is acceptance of where you are at - as acceptance allows you to cope with treatment!
Don't rush it, don't force it! It will come! In the meantime come on here and vent as we will help you through, we get it! You are taking great strides towards a new you that will be cancer free! Take care and sending you a virtual hug xx

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