can anyone relate to that feeling of getting through a bloody battle of all the treatment, the horror, the fight, and then that awesome feeling of sheer happy gratitude after it’s over?and you wanted to grab everyone and hug them and swore you’d never let a single second go by without being thrilled to be alive and not sick?and you were going to live an amazing productive love filled life embracing everything because you knew how fragile life can be?yeah. I’ve lost that. I’m depressed and wondering where the F_@&! did all of my pure gratitude and excitement go? I’m so angry at myself for being like this after fighting so hard to make it through. Has as anyone else found they just don’t have that spirit of gladness in everyday life anymore, that cancer stripped away your spark and you’ll never get it back and care about anything ever again?

Yes, I know how it is. We are so damn lucky to survive it, then life returns to some sort of normal again for you to only get worked up again with each checkup. For me it's a personal thing and with the sun going down each day I think of 3 things that was good that day and give silent thanks for. Life goes on but I try to pick the highlights of each day and concentrate on the positives, some days are pure shit and you don't know why. Bc changes you deeply, we have to learn to let go, make the most of what we have and realize we are still young enough to do (or at least attempt) things on our bucket list. For me i have to learn to let go, learn to laugh again, breath, live the moment and enjoy.

It can make you really grumpy. It's like being in a perpetual queue; waiting, waiting, waiting then finding you've got to the front of the line only to find the checkout has closed or you've forgotten something you can't leave without. Back to the beginning. There are many reasons we don't want this disease. Mxx

Trying to convince hubby to head to the beach for a few days next week when the school hols start. I don't care if I feel like crap, I don't care if the bed is hard, I don't care if it rains, I don't care if the entire family descends - I just need some sea and sand and a change of scene.

The definition of failure. "Lack of success" or the "neglect or omission of expected or required action"There is not one person on here who has failed in any way shape or form. You took the required action and you did it. Some of you have done it more than once. Your already successful. You had it cut out, cut off, rebuilt (or not). You knowingly went in, sat down and poisoned yourself then some had the darn thing nuked and burnt as well. You are already fucking invincible.!Getting back to you takes time. I know it is so hard to believe at the moment (and the last thing you are looking for is positive analogies) but it does get better. It's hard work but you will work out strategies to "not go there" then you start to move forward and reclaim yourself. You are not gone, just a little lost at the moment. We all get a little lost some time after this.I have a friend who ended up with postpartum Psychosis. I was with her through the 5 years it took for her to recover. All the drugs, all the pills, all the alcohol, all the days staying away from her baby because she was scared she might hurt him. I hadn't seen her in about a year when I bumped into her at the shops. She looked and sounded fantastic. I asked what she had been doing. (We had named her "black dog" Sybil in a wine filled night). She looked at me and said, well remember Sybil? Of course. I taught that bitch to heal. Now if she shows up I know I fed her. I have given up giving a shit who knows I had cancer. Couldn't care less. It's part of me now and I am proud to have gotten through it.One of my strategies is music. I chose a theme song for each day after treatment ended. It is my choice which radio station to choose. Will it be Eye of the Tiger, Sad songs say so much or, Let it be. is always a good one (Some days it's a bit more Sympathy for the Devil) LOLSounds a bit corny but hey, It works for me and I can change the playlist whenever I want.So in the words of Jimmy BarnesAll around this chaos and madnessCan't help feeling nothing more than sadnessOnly choice is to face it the best I canWhen the war is overGot to start againTry to hold a trace of what it wasBack thenYou and I we sent each other storiesJust a page I'm lost in all its gloryHow can I go home and not get blown awayAll the best my lovelies.

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Where did my gratitude go? I swear I left it right here somewhere...

160 Replies

PatsyN
Member
8 years ago
@Joannie, I hope so. He said next Monday but it's still quite red and swollen which is why he couldn't touch it yesterday. I have no temp, but am having some IV antibiotics tomorrow as I wont take them orally, they make me really sick. At least all the surrounding teeth have calmed down.
Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
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PatsyN
Member
8 years ago
@onemargie - I've had an infected tooth root which cannot be operated on until next Monday due to the inflammation.

2 years ago I went to Bali to visit my son and his Balinese wife as I regularly do. I went to the dentist there and had an implant put into my jaw. The idea being that in 6 months I go back and they screw the lovely little molar onto the now well and truly embedded implant.

3 months after I come back to Australia the implant gets sucked out of my jawbone. It just got looser and looser and one day it just popped out. Then within a few weeks a piece of bone or tooth or something appears where the implant had been jackhammered into my lower jaw. It was so tiny and the size of a pin head that I thought I'd deal with it later, after cancer.

Last Friday that tiny little pinprick of a tooth where one shouldn't be, decided to make itself known and by Saturday night I'm at the hospital begging for relief.

I went back on Sunday morning to have an x-ray to determine that I haven't got necrosis of the jaw, but a few live roots coming directly out of where the implant was placed. The tiny piece of tooth I can feel is just the tip of the ideberg.

The moral of this story is never have your teeth done in Asia!
Flaneuse
Member
8 years ago
@onemargie Thanks Margie, Feeling a bit better this week. Chemo yesterday. Physio today. One day at a time. x
onemargie
Member
8 years ago
How’s everyone feeling on this post now @"Summer Prevails" @"Annie C" @dak2 @beccabecca @kmakm @Flaneuse @Sister . Is that all of you ? Big hug. Margie xx
Flaneuse
Member
8 years ago
@beccabecca Thanks for your good wishes. I hope you find the kind of specific support you need. We're fortunate to have this forum to allow us to vent. xx
beccabecca
Member
8 years ago
@Flaneuse
I totally here you & understand the frustration you are feeling. I tried to get help from the cancer council, they said I shd contact counterpart for any issues. I did have a good peer support lady but my 5 sessions ran out.I am now going to try privately, more expense ! But if it helps it will be worth it i guess. I have days when i'm upset for no reason, & after what was meant to be my final surgery, i've been worse than through all of the other processes.
Hope things get better for you xoxo
Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
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beccabecca
Member
8 years ago
Hi @onemargie
Thanks for thinking of me! I've had a shocking head cold & sore throat since Sunday & cough now as well! Feeling tired, but not sleeping much. Had a lazy dvd day yest, not sure if it helped much.
Hope you are well?
kmakm
Member
8 years ago

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Where did my gratitude go? I swear I left it right here somewhere...

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