Forum Discussion
Family Drama
I just want to say I have had an absolutely shit day because of my family. Not the one I live with, but the one I was born into. I won't bore you with the details, but I've been incredibly upset, and my stress levels, already high, are now through the roof.
What do other people do when they have family dramas mid-treatment?
I know that it is hard to get out of your own head when you are dealing with BC. Since I had the call back letter from BreastScreen it has been virtually impossible for me to think of anything else. But I have tried, especially with my family. I have plastered smiles on my face, I have tried not to worry them. I'm trying so hard to keep everything going. We are told to de-stress our lives to protect and improve our health. But what if the stress is from the people who supposedly love you, but who choose to either obstruct you, deliberately refuse to help, or actively attack you (for petty reasons while they are on holiday on the other side of the world I might add) while you are recovering from chemotherapy and preparing to lose your breasts?? I don't know how to untangle this knot.
I don't think I've put this very well, but I hope you get my conundrum. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? How do I cope with family drama while having treatment for breast cancer?
What do other people do when they have family dramas mid-treatment?
I know that it is hard to get out of your own head when you are dealing with BC. Since I had the call back letter from BreastScreen it has been virtually impossible for me to think of anything else. But I have tried, especially with my family. I have plastered smiles on my face, I have tried not to worry them. I'm trying so hard to keep everything going. We are told to de-stress our lives to protect and improve our health. But what if the stress is from the people who supposedly love you, but who choose to either obstruct you, deliberately refuse to help, or actively attack you (for petty reasons while they are on holiday on the other side of the world I might add) while you are recovering from chemotherapy and preparing to lose your breasts?? I don't know how to untangle this knot.
I don't think I've put this very well, but I hope you get my conundrum. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? How do I cope with family drama while having treatment for breast cancer?
80 Replies
- @kmakm might be a good time to find out if it does have special powers - buy a uke , join a uke group plus there’s heaps of videos on YouTube .Why not try something new for yourself ?
- @arpie I just read your answer outloud to my husband. He said "Quite right". It is the gist of everyone's advice and I will endeavour to take it. It will require quite some mental discipline. She is my sister after all, who I love. However this whole BC experience is teaching me, forcing me to make changes. In this case, which is so complicated, it will be mostly internal. I will work on some of @SoldierCrab's circle and square imagery, and try to apply some of @Primek, @Romla and @Sister's cool restraint. This new normal stuff is a lot of work!
You have a tremendous lot on your plate. But you sound a lot more sorted than me. Does the ukelele give you special powers?!
Thank you for the hugs, gratefully received and sending some straight back. K xox - Hi @kmakm .... after so much excellent advice in the preceding pages ..... what can I say - other than .... been there, done that!
The facts are - You can't choose family! :( It is THEIR problem, not yours, so I hope you can distance yourself from it & try & not let it affect you & the continuing surgery/treatment that you are having.
I deliberately haven't told a section of my 'closest family' (step sister & step brother's family - we have 55+ years of 'family' history) as I really don't need them in my fight for numerous reasons ..... but then, even my blood sister can be a real pain in the arse too!! For some reason, whenever we get together - she turns vicious within 2 days .... She visited us over Easter & sure enough, the barbs came out within a matter of days! I couldn't believe it! Then, when talking to our brother - she says that I am 'fine - nothing wrong'! WTF does SHE KNOW??
You don't HAVE to tolerate dickheads/extra baggage - it is not in your best interests - so ... stuff 'em. Put all your energies into looking after YOU .... your hubby sounds like a great 'guard dog' ..... that is just wonderful that he is looking after you!
Sadly - mine has early dementia and he still doesn't really understand what has happened to me over the last 4 months, so isn't any help at all! Matter of fact, I was forced into looking after HIM for the whole 4 weeks of my rads (as well as the last 2 weeks since I've finished), as he injured his ribs in a bike fall - and is only now, ''coming good''! :(
Stay Strong - do what you have to do to get the negatives out of your life. You don't need them! Take care & some BIG HUGS coming your way! xx - hi there @kmakm we too had dramas with family whilst I was going through chemo. long story but the best thing we did was just disconnect from them and still do it was the best therapy and its only when you step back that you realise just how toxic they have been in the past and sometimes its for the best that's for sure so no regrets from us for doing that. Since my diagnosis ive made an executive decision that I just don't want anyone in my life that doesn't really give a shit about me or my family or has time for me or my family, it was all very one sided there at one stage and hence why we have cut them out of our lives now so its a good thing for me and my husband mentally, nor do I tolerate dickheads anymore like I used to either. I just don't have time for them. I know @zoffiels advice might seem harsh to some but I totally agree its sometimes for the best and I know we are so much better off without all the extra stress. Margie xx
- @iserbrown Closed from the 1st May!
- Enjoy it kmakm soak up the salt air and recoup
- Is it still open? The Portsea Pub was on the news for upsetting brides as they are closing for renovation and the brides have to look for an alternative. I don't know if it is now or next month
- Absolutely @tigerbeth, thank you. K xox
- @Joannie Not just two minutes ago we were talking about when we'll go there for dinner!
