Afraid to finish chemo

I get it too....but I just agree with Afraser that no one knows how much time they have got, and I don’t want to spend my time worrying or feeling sad. I try and find some joy each day ....One day at a time my friend.

I totally get what you are feeling @ddon.  I have finished chemo but still have 6 months of Herceptin to go through.  I too have worries about the future, my husband keeps reminding me “Don’t spoil the present worrying about the future”.  I try and keep this in mind, it doesn’t always work but I keep trying.

I am booked in for a rehab/ exercise program after rads thanks to my wonderful breast care nurse. I am looking forward to that. 

Thank you all for your replies. I know that outside of this space no-one really understands how much this messes with the mind. I feel like the person that I was is gone forever and I am trying to navigate this new life but be the ‘same’ for my kids and family. I thought I was doing ok until last week I found a large lump under my arm mastectomy side and waited a week in fear for the ultrasound which found a seroma. It was hugely stressful and just brought home to me that from now on for the rest of my life there will be scans and tests and terror. So down I went again - how do I get through that?  

@ddon I wanted chemo to finish but I felt very low. Friends said the same things to me as yours have. My family said nothing, there was no celebration cake, card, balloons or flowers. It's a very difficult time for many.

Have you got a counsellor? If not I would suggest getting an appointment with one now, and setting it for as soon as you feel you can manage it.

A survivorship plan is a good idea and a great help to move through this period. Talk to your GP about a care plan. You'll get five subsidised allied health visits. Talk to the member of your team with whom you feel comfortable.

Many public hospitals run oncology rehab programmes,  which are exercise and education. It was the first thing I did and it was excellent. But there are waiting lists, so get onto it now.

If you need help with your diet, get a referral to a dietician. Etc! Having a plan can help tremendously to feel in control after a lengthy period of actually being quite passive when things are done 'to' you.

Like everything else this feeling will pass. It is horrible though, I do remember. So I'm sending you a big virtual hug lovely. K xox

That's pretty normal @ddon.  Sometimes it kicks in just after you finish which is a surprise. For you it's a bit earlier.  I totally agree with not wishing days away, however, I can't say I felt that way about chemo though  xoxo

Most people have experienced this feeling - it’s powerful to feel you are doing something. But your body also needs to get over the licking chemo
is giving all of your body, including all the healthy parts, otherwise other problems may arise. Try and see it as a health building period - healthy foods, exercise, yoga or meditation so that you are still actively helping your body. Taking each day as a gift is a great way of looking at life, as no one knows how much time they have. Best wishes.