Afraid to finish chemo
This will sound crazy but with 7 taxol to go - 4 dose dense AC and 5 taxol behind- I am afraid to finish. People say to me ‘you must be just wanting it over’ and I can’t explain that actually I don’t....
Forum Discussion
Thank you all for your replies. I know that outside of this space no-one really understands how much this messes with the mind. I feel like the person that I was is gone forever and I am trying to navigate this new life but be the ‘same’ for my kids and family. I thought I was doing ok until last week I found a large lump under my arm mastectomy side and waited a week in fear for the ultrasound which found a seroma. It was hugely stressful and just brought home to me that from now on for the rest of my life there will be scans and tests and terror. So down I went again - how do I get through that?
You are right kmakm - I think a councillor will be needed because although I have huge support from my husband and parents and siblings, there are many fears I don’t want to burden them with. I need to keep positive on the outside for their sake, especially my husband who is struggling enough.
And taking care of my poor battered body Afraser at the end of this will help me feel like there’s something I can do for myself. Fortunately my relatively young and otherwise healthy body has handled it all pretty well so far although I will probably be on beta blockers for the foreseeable future because the AC did muck my heart electrics around.
Thank you all for your words of understanding and reassurance xx