Emotional speed bumps

Hi there HopeInHeels​ 

I'm sorry to hear you are joining the club here. It's a tough time for sure. I had a left mastectomy in August. It was a real roller coaster in the lead up - I was also blissfully unaware of what was lurking in my breasts until July. There were lots of ups and downs - I would go out for a run and then before I knew it I would be standing in the middle of the track sobbing. I'm pleased to say that I went for a run this morning and no stopping to sob! It takes time to process it all and we all do that differently and at different rates. There will be moments of grief, anger, disbelief and fear. Knowing they will come can help I think. But then there can be moments of strength, determination, grit and a sense of 'let's just get this done!'

Right after my surgery (I had the left MX, left sentinal node biopsy, and a lumpectomy on the right) I was obsessed with finding out what it would be like to be 'lopsided', what to wear when I ran, whether I needed a prosthesis. I asked lots of questions in this forum and everyone was amazing in sharing their own experiences. I'm so thankful to them all :-) 

What I can now say is that I'm wearing my pre-surgery sports bra without a prosthetic when running and it's fine. I also got fitted several weeks ago for a prosthetic - it's nice to have it there ready to go when I need it but I don't wear it all the time...in fact I haven't worn it out yet!

Regarding what to wear after surgery, I wore large, loose button up shirts (my husband's flannette shirts were the best! It was winter) for the first couple of weeks. Then I wore large loose tops when I could get my arm a bit higher. I now favour roomy tops with patterns. It helps disguise the lopsidedness (although my remaining breast is very small, so this might be different for someone with a large breast.)

I too found the mastectomy photos very confronting. I've learned a lot more since and recommend you chat with your surgeon about the asthetic flat closure option if you are not opting for a reco. Also ask them for photos of their previous work if possible. Perhaps join the "Flat Chat" group here in the network.

All the best with your surgery and the time leading up to it. Be gentle and patient with yourself - it can be so hard to do that I found, but take the time to rest and give your heart and head the opportunity to heal as well as the body. I'm so pleased you already have an appointment with a psychologist - our thoughts can really mess with us through this process! Take care xx

Thank you 🙂

Hello Hope,

So sorry to hear that you have a cancer diagnosis.

i had a single mastectomy 18 months ago. I stayed flat and no lymph nodes were involved so I made a good recovery.

Some resources you might like : I rang the breast cancer network info line and they sent me a post surgery bra and some softees to wear until I could wear a prosthetic.

Medicare will cover $400.00 every two years to help with the cost of a prostetic.

Getting my Silicon prosthetic was a turning point for my recovery, it felt like my old breast and restored some of my confidence.

i can suggest a great lingerie place that helped me with fittings and got me some really pretty bras. 
iveven splurged and got a prostetic that host in my mastectomy bathers.

Emotionally I went from being told I wold need a lumpectomy to being told I needed a mastectomy, I was really sad, I was launched into a foreign world of “what if people notice etc”.

Eighteen months later I have adjusted, and so will you.

Good luck for your surgery, you are not alone💕💕

Hi HopeInHeels​ 

Welcome again to the BCNA Online Network.

As you will notice already, everyone on here acknowledges that making decisions about surgery (decisions none of you ever want to face), can feel overwhelming. Please know you’re not alone. BCNA has some excellent resources on our website https://www.bcna.org.au/resources  and the conversations within this community are often invaluable for hearing from others who’ve walked a similar path.

I’m sorry to hear you felt a sense of “gatekeeping” in another Facebook group. I want to reassure you that the BCNA Online Network is absolutely not gatekept. Our focus is to be welcoming and proactively supportive as people join the private groups that feel right for them.

Some groups include a brief pre‑check before entry, but this is solely to protect the privacy and integrity of the discussions (especially important these days with the rise of AI bots and spam accounts). These steps help ensure every space remains safe, genuine, and confidential.

We really hope you feel supported here. Please feel free to start any discussions or join in on the conversations within the groups you're now part of 🙂

Good luck with your surgery. A single mastectomy is often quite straight forward - sounds and feels (emotionally) worse than it is. You may come home with drains, a bit of a pain but clothes with pockets or a shoulder carried bag to put them in can help. You'll be given a list of exercises to assist mobility - how much that is affected depends a lot on the degree of surgery and the individual - I had an axillary clearance (17 nodes) as well as a mastectomy, but my mobility was very good, almost from the start. I am large breasted so I wasn't keen on just staying as I was post surgery - just too obvious and did nothing for clothes. I used a soft pad at first, tucked into my usual bra (some may need a new bra, depending on the line of surgery) but finally got a prosthesis fitted. If I had been small breasted, I may well have considered doing nothing. As arpie has noted, reconstruction is always an option, even some considerable time after your surgery. I chose not to, but it's been a welcome next step for some. As she also says, cancer can mess with your brain. It's a highly emotional thing, a brush with mortality and can bring old wounds to the surface too. I found a short time with a really good counsellor invaluable. Your doctor can provide a referral - for some it helps with dealing with cancer, for me it was a splendid time to re-view my (happy) life and how I made decisions, particularly for the future. 

I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I went flat two weeks ago and am doing really well so far. There’s still plenty of recovery to go but so far it’s been sh***y but survivable. I’ve been able to sleep much better than I thought.

I bought a wedge pillow that’s been great for sleeping at first, plus for just sitting up in bed. 

I live in Paris, so it’s winter here, so I’ve been wearing a mix of button up pyjamas, a zip up hoodie and soft flannel shirts.

 I haven’t recovered enough to be trying lots of outfits and know what I’ll feel confident in yet but I went to lunch in a denim shirt and didn’t feel conspicuous but obviously this will be really personal. 

Will you have chemo before or after?

I am SO Sorry to see you join the club that no-one every thought they'd be joining 🙁  Getting a BC diagnosis is really confronting - and 'specially at this time of year too. 

But you've found the right spot here, for support & info from those who've 'been there, done that'! So hopefully we'll be able to smooth the way for your own story. 

Whack up ANY question - remember there are NO dumb questions!!! Make sure you take a trusted friend or family member with you to your appointments, as a 'backup set of ears', as it is difficult remembering everything that is said.  Also, consider recording your sessions on your phone, so you can go over it again later, for the same reason. 😉

Have you considered going down the Reconstruction road, or staying flat? 
You might like to join both groups here (no questions asked!)  That way, you can get info from both choices.
Put up any questions you have & they'll be able to help you.  I believe there may be photos (before & after) that you may also be able to see - both groups are totally private - only members can see any conversations. 
Hopefully the BCNA_Mod​s will be able to sign you up (as the forum is currently in 'caretaker' mode until Jan 5) xx   Click on these links to join:
Group: Choosing breast reconstruction | BCNA Online Network
and
Group: Flat Chat - no breast reconstruction | BCNA Online Network

Mine was ILC (Invasive Lobular Cancer) - and it is 8 years, Jan 5, since I received my own diagnosis (my surgery was in Mid Jan.)  I was lucky to only have the one lumpectomy, rads/radiation & tablets .... and I have recently finished with the tabs - so on my own now!

As you progress thru your appointments/surgeries ... let us know how you are going, by continuing to reply to this post ... it is a good way of 'keeping a diary' of everything you're going thru, in the one spot!!  I look back on my original post too (up til I started the hormone suppression) and am amazed at the wonderful support afforded to me, too xx

This diagnosis can really muck with your brain too - so if you feel sad, angry, distressed - that is absolutely 100% NORMAL!  But you don't have to 'do it' on your own!  .... ask your GP (or your treating team) for a referral to see a counsellor .... or listen to Charlotte Tottman's podcast (link below).  You can also ring our Helpline on 1800 500 258 for a confidential one-on-one chat xx    Try not to get ‘ahead of yourself’ with the ‘what ifs’ ….. as they may never happen - and going down that rabbit hole (specially if using Dr Google) will REALLY muck with your brain  :(  A lot of info on Google doesn’t relate to your diagnosis or is out of date - so put any questions you have, to your medical team (or here!) xx   Take it one day at a time, one hour, if needed ..... but keep trying to do 'stuff you love' too .... so you have good 'down time' as well!  I treated myself to a holiday on Norfolk Island after all my active treatment ..... as a 'Well Done YOU' for going thru all that stuff - as a reward!!!

Charlotte Tottman  is a BC specialist counsellor who was diagnosed herself, also had a double mastectomy, so knows EXACTLY what we've all been thru, both emotionally and physically!  Her reaction to her own diagnosis was also quite different to what she 'thought' it might be, given that she'd been counseling women's reactions for some years before, so thought she 'new' what to expect!  She is VERY easy to listen to, too xx
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html. 

Raelene Boyle's video is also well worth watching! 
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/podcasts/upfront-about-breast-cancer/upfront-about-breast-cancer/episode-21-raelene-boyle-on-pulling-herself-out-of-the-darkness/

There is HEAPS of info in the link below to help you navigate the blog, including what to take with you to hospital etc - and also some tools to evaluate your own physical and mental recovery thru your ongoing treatment! xx.

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussions/general-discussion/a-big-welcome-to-all-new-online-network-members-/222737

Take care & try & keep yourself busy doing stuff that you enjoy doing - and try not to get 'ahead of yourself' with the 'what ifs' ... 'cos they may never actually happen!   Take it one day at a time .... let your closest family & friends know, so that they may be able to support you - and let others know on an 'as needs to know' basis. xx
All the best for your appointments, surgery & ongoing treatment xx