Letting go of blame - WHY did I get cancer?
I've just listened to BCNA's excellent podcast: What you don't know until you do, and one of the comments there made me want to share something that might bring comfort to anyone wondering “Why me?” When I was diagnosed, I went straight to questioning what I might have done wrong. I think a lot of us do. It’s easy to assume cancer comes from our own doing - e.g. drinking, not exercising enough, or eating poorly. But in my case, none of that fits. I have never smoked or drank alcohol (!), and for decades now I’ve exercised daily and eat a vegetarian/pescatarian diet with no dairy, no processed food, and very limited processed sugar etc. Over the last years, I'm moved to a job that's relatively stress-free and giving me much satisfaction and flexibility. I’m young, healthy, lean, muscly, and don’t carry any of the high-risk genes. And still, I got breast cancer. I’m not sharing this to scare anyone or suggest healthy habits don’t matter. They absolutely do — and I believe they’re helping me now in recovery, physically and mentally, and hopefully they've contributed to having less aggressive cancer type. But I’m sharing it in case it helps some of you lift some guilt. If you’ve been blaming yourself for a glass of wine, skipped workouts, or a part of your diet — please don’t. Cancer is complex, and sometimes it just happens, even when you’ve done everything “right.” Sending love and strength to everyone going through this. *Moderators - pls feel free to remove if not appropriate*
Along time between
My last 'run in' with Breast Cancer was at 57 WAY back in 2003, when I was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma in situ, in the left breast, followed by lumpectomy, radiation and tamoxifen. It was almostllike a non event so much as experiences go. I felt like a 'fake' cancer sufferer, given the few symptoms that I experienced. That same year a diagnosis of cervical CA popped up, followed by a total hysterectomy. SInce then NOTHING. Well almost nothing, until my darling middle daughter was diagnosed with DC at the age of 45. Following surgery, she underwent radiation and chemo etc. I found sharing her journey was so much more challenging than living my own. I guess no mother want to see their children have to deal with negative 'stuff'. She is now 7 years down her journey and so far so good. After all those years of no results on my mamagrams, I have just been diagnosed with grade 2 lobular ca in the right breast. I had only just undergone a left shoulder replacement revision, and was looking forward to life after no more shoulder pain! Because of the shoulder surgery I could no get my arm up for the mamagram, so I had an ultrasound instead. I remember looking at the 'black' space on the screen as the operator kept rolling back and forwards over it and thinking 'WHat are you, you horrible black thing". Anyway following the core biopsy and finally a mamogram I am now about to have MRI and PET scans prior to surgery in about 4 weeks. I have been caught by huge suprise, disbelief, bewilderment, a roller coaster of emotions ranging from I am OK with this to how will I tell my girls to I am not ok with this and lots more wildly swinging feelings from feeling ambivilent to anxious, to wanting to put my head under a pillow and wrap myself up in a doona. Now I am getting my head around what is this lobular thing, to here we go again to aren't I lucky they found it to what if.... 'IT' has spread.
Scared and lonely
Hi everyone, I was diagnosed about 2 weeks ago. I have cancer in both my left breast and the main lymph node under the armpit. It has been a hell of a last 9 months. While on a holiday in Thailand with my husband for my 60th birthday, he told me that the spark had gone. One month later he said he wanted a divorce. Five months later I was diagnosed. It has been three weeks since the tumors were found and still waiting for scans. Hopefully tomorrow at my first oncology appointment. I am living in the family home with my husband (who I love still) in the bedroom downstairs and one of my daughters. This whole situation is so hard to accept. A regular ultrasound showed a cancer that had progressed beyond the breast. It makes me wonder why they aren’t yearly.Do I stay or do I go?
Not your average post. Originally a backpacker from the UK, been in Aus 5 years and have moved onto a work sponsorship visa with my employer. I live in a very remote area and it is a 4 hour flight to my nearest 'treatment centre'. Two weeks ago it was confirmed (via biopsy) that in my left breast I have a 2mm invasive mass, and 10cm of non invasive DCIS. I had a contrast mamo and PET scan (no result yet) and scheduled for an MRI on the 6th June, and appointment with the surgeon to discuss options on the 10th June. My breast dr said the surgeon will recommend a mastectomy due to the large area of DCIS. Possibly chemo, radio and hormone therapy. They are also talking about what I want to do with my eggs. I am so scared, and I am not sleeping. I am only 34 years old without children. I don't know what to do, do I stay here in Australia and undergo the treatment recommended and stay near the hospital with the mother of a friend (who has also had breast cancer and has said she is more than happy to support me through required treatment). I love my life here that I have built over the past 5 years, and I love my job. I am scared I will lose my job with the next few months of treatment coming up (very little can be done remotely), my visa is tied to my job. I may get deported mid way through treatment? I dont know? I know I should speak to an immigration lawyer but I am already inundated with administration from cancer. My family back home are very supportive and will support whichever decision I make. They and I am also wary of the health care system back at home (which isn't in great shape). If I go home, I will take all my diagnosis letters and scans, but I will still have to start this process again from the start and basically be told twice I have cancer and they want to chop my breast off. I wont be able to get a job due to appointments and treatment, and wont be entitled to benefits as I haven't paid tax in my home country for 5 years. Its not just cancer anymore, I am not scared of the cancer as such as my whole life here being ripped away from under my feet. Sorry for the long post. I just don't know what to do for the best. Either way, I need to stay here until I have the full picture and know what the surgeon wants to do.
Overwhelmed new diagnosis
Just trying to cope with this whirlwind of a ride. Two weeks ago I was happily holidaying on Hamilton Island (the first holiday in three years) and this week I'm isolating at home after a positive Covid test, only to be told that I have Breast Cancer. Surely this week could not get any worse. The surgery, that was scheduled on Tuesday, has been postponed for three weeks due to the Covid, with chemo starting after that. All this, and not to be able to even get a hug from anyone, makes this journey feel so lonely and isolating. Being at home with time to spare is not helpful. Especially now that the Covid symptoms have abated, I don't even have a reason to try to sleep it all away (even for a short time, to not live with the constant thoughts, is reprieve). It's a lot to take in. Oh, and I forgot to also mention, that my surgeon is retiring this week and now I am being "handed over" to a new surgeon, which, of course, I am unable to meet with yet - due again to this horrid Covid. So it's all a dreadful waiting game.
