Emotional speed bumps

Hi there HopeInHeels​ 

I'm sorry to hear you are joining the club here. It's a tough time for sure. I had a left mastectomy in August. It was a real roller coaster in the lead up - I was also blissfully unaware of what was lurking in my breasts until July. There were lots of ups and downs - I would go out for a run and then before I knew it I would be standing in the middle of the track sobbing. I'm pleased to say that I went for a run this morning and no stopping to sob! It takes time to process it all and we all do that differently and at different rates. There will be moments of grief, anger, disbelief and fear. Knowing they will come can help I think. But then there can be moments of strength, determination, grit and a sense of 'let's just get this done!'

Right after my surgery (I had the left MX, left sentinal node biopsy, and a lumpectomy on the right) I was obsessed with finding out what it would be like to be 'lopsided', what to wear when I ran, whether I needed a prosthesis. I asked lots of questions in this forum and everyone was amazing in sharing their own experiences. I'm so thankful to them all :-) 

What I can now say is that I'm wearing my pre-surgery sports bra without a prosthetic when running and it's fine. I also got fitted several weeks ago for a prosthetic - it's nice to have it there ready to go when I need it but I don't wear it all the time...in fact I haven't worn it out yet!

Regarding what to wear after surgery, I wore large, loose button up shirts (my husband's flannette shirts were the best! It was winter) for the first couple of weeks. Then I wore large loose tops when I could get my arm a bit higher. I now favour roomy tops with patterns. It helps disguise the lopsidedness (although my remaining breast is very small, so this might be different for someone with a large breast.)

I too found the mastectomy photos very confronting. I've learned a lot more since and recommend you chat with your surgeon about the asthetic flat closure option if you are not opting for a reco. Also ask them for photos of their previous work if possible. Perhaps join the "Flat Chat" group here in the network.

All the best with your surgery and the time leading up to it. Be gentle and patient with yourself - it can be so hard to do that I found, but take the time to rest and give your heart and head the opportunity to heal as well as the body. I'm so pleased you already have an appointment with a psychologist - our thoughts can really mess with us through this process! Take care xx