Angry and anxious

Dear Anita First of all, my apologies for not having replied to you before now. I have found throughout my ongoing breast cancer "journey" that so many things come to light with regard to families, friends and partners. Its very sad. However I keep saying to myself that we can't change anything, let alone how those close to us react to our plight. It's cruel, sad and causes such low self esteem, guilt that we ourselves have done something wrong as far as attempting to explain our illness to people. I no longer beat myself up about it. It would be so difficult for you with a husband and young children, & I hate to say that, but along my way through my own health struggles, hearing about others plights I'm afraid makes me realize just how fortunate I am that I am on my own! I'm sure I've become a stronger person through it. I have supportive son and breast cancer support group and friends, & thats enough for me. I send my love & hugs, & the best of wishes to you. Vent all you want on here-if nothing else, Im good listener. Hugs Kathleen xxxxxx

Thanks! I'd be lost without all you lovely ladies. When this is all over I'd love to meet you face to face and give you a big thank you hug. Cheers Sandra

Love it! Good problem solving. I asked my neighbour about meals on wheels the other day. She volunteers for them in their kitchen. I think it might be a real possibility for us, even if it's only 3 days a week. My hubby learned to cook chops and vegetables but it might make for some variety. My hubby is 70 years old and by tea time he doesn't feel like thinking food. My op is about all he can handle right now. So we'll both get fed and it will be one less thing for him to worry about. Sandra xxxxxx

Seriously I don't get it? At what point in life do you stop and say enough is enough and some things are more important in life! You don't have to be best buddies just because you are related but surely there is some genuine concern, for their own well being if nothing else! That makes me really sad. I understand that not all families are perfect, god knows that I had an extremely difficult and destructive relationship with my mother, but when the chips were down we were there for one another. Family is not always blood related though. Surround yourselves with people who love you for who you are. This process we are all enduring is just too hard to do alone. Even if the ones who support you are from this forum. Be kind to yourselves. Xoxoxo

I can totally relate to your sibling situation Kathleen and truly feel for you. My own sister & I are 8 years apart in age and our personalities are chalk and cheese but it disappoints me that after ringing her to tell her to be extra vigilant herself now that I've been diagnosed with BC and mum having passed so quickly after her diagnosis, I have had no further contact from her. Not even a "how are you message." My brother is the same (12 years younger than me), he found out from my sister because he isn't presently communicating with me so it's my fault again. How pathetic some families can be. I've chosen to put them out of my mind and meet new people like yourself that have a heart. Heart hugs Sandra

Dear Sandra Wow! You have been through a plethora or stuff! I will re-evaluate my intolerance to some parts of aanesthetic now! All I had was a face that swelled, making my eyes almost invisible, & a queer rash ov my upper torso. The bullshit meter resonates with me too.Fine for me & I can just yell at myself, or the poor cat ( who still shows unconditional love!). But then easy for me as I'm on my own. Wanted to go through it all on my own. But have supportive son and one sister. My two younger sisters are chalk & cheese. One contacts me daily to see how I am, the other totally ignores me, choosing to lable our situation as "estrangement! Her word...she clearly denies my cancer. Not to worry...girl in the lovely support group I'm in reminds me of the serenity prayer. Cant change things that have been constant... In the early days I was so determibed to do everything alone that I unknowingly pushed the supportive sister away. Felt awful about it as time went on. We're fine now and closer than ever. Love and hugs to you - keep posting & we will keep posting and supporting. Love from Kathleen xxxooo

After managing to delete the first half of this post this is the quick version. How are you Cook65 or Karen. I hope that you are beginning to feel a little better. Keep on posting and let us know how you are going.This web site and group has been a life line for me over the past few weeks. Basically my story is that I have depression, Parkinson's disease and whatever anesthetic or pain meds that I was given when I had my partial mastectomy sent me into a major Panic attack. I've had them before but this one was a "doozy" Besides the lack of care that I had in hospital, I wasn't sleeping for anymore than a couple of hours a night for weeks afterwards and was shaking like a leaf, besides the loneliness feelings etc. People kept saying it's normal to be anxious when you've been diagnosed with BC. They didn't know the half of it. Sometimes although all the specialists we see are trying to do the best for us Its like performing the high school lab experiments in the brain. So please know that you are not alone and that people in this group understand. I'm still waiting for the date of my big op so it's hard not to be nervous, but I've done the rounds of the 5 specialists that I am currently consulting so hopefully they are all on the same page this time.I found a great GP who prescribed Valium to get past the panic attacks and they are great to help me sleep but I hate the fuzziness during it day. It's OK at home because when I walk down the passage I can bounce sideways from wall to wall (that's my Parky joke) but it's a pest when I have to go shopping and walk in a straight line as well as try to remember what the dickens I came to get.My long suffering husband drives me where I need to go and tries to help me remember the meds that I take every 2 hours through the day. I know what you mean about having to be strong whilst being terrified. You are stronger than anyone will ever know. Ive cried buckets but that is grieving for loss and you are allowed to do that. Seek all the help you can from your psychologist and if necessary search out a psychiatrist who can better understand drug interactions. I've got mine on notice this time. The Beyond Blue 24/7 hour telephone service is fantastic when you feel the need to talk to someone. Heart hugs Sandra

Hi Karen, one benefit I have found throughout this journey is that now I feel I don't have to tolerate people that aren't helpful. Family members that don't help, don't need to have any time spent on them, it is a waste of your time. I don't care that they turn around and say it is the cancer that has changed me, because it is!! I now know that I need to look after myself at the moment. Yes you are allowed to vent - some times a problem shared is a problem halved and you feel so much better after. Be kind to yourself. You have been through sh*t, this is your time. Pam