Angry and anxious

After managing to delete the first half of this post this is the quick version. How are you Cook65 or Karen. I hope that you are beginning to feel a little better. Keep on posting and let us know how you are going.This web site and group has been a life line for me over the past few weeks. Basically my story is that I have depression, Parkinson's disease and whatever anesthetic or pain meds that I was given when I had my partial mastectomy sent me into a major Panic attack. I've had them before but this one was a "doozy" Besides the lack of care that I had in hospital, I wasn't sleeping for anymore than a couple of hours a night for weeks afterwards and was shaking like a leaf, besides the loneliness feelings etc. People kept saying it's normal to be anxious when you've been diagnosed with BC. They didn't know the half of it. Sometimes although all the specialists we see are trying to do the best for us Its like performing the high school lab experiments in the brain. So please know that you are not alone and that people in this group understand. I'm still waiting for the date of my big op so it's hard not to be nervous, but I've done the rounds of the 5 specialists that I am currently consulting so hopefully they are all on the same page this time.I found a great GP who prescribed Valium to get past the panic attacks and they are great to help me sleep but I hate the fuzziness during it day. It's OK at home because when I walk down the passage I can bounce sideways from wall to wall (that's my Parky joke) but it's a pest when I have to go shopping and walk in a straight line as well as try to remember what the dickens I came to get.My long suffering husband drives me where I need to go and tries to help me remember the meds that I take every 2 hours through the day. I know what you mean about having to be strong whilst being terrified. You are stronger than anyone will ever know. Ive cried buckets but that is grieving for loss and you are allowed to do that. Seek all the help you can from your psychologist and if necessary search out a psychiatrist who can better understand drug interactions. I've got mine on notice this time. The Beyond Blue 24/7 hour telephone service is fantastic when you feel the need to talk to someone. Heart hugs Sandra