Nervous and new
kimw71
Member Posts: 2 New Member
Hi all. Im a 53 year old single mother of 2 adult children with an elderly mother who has been battling lung liver and bone cancer for the last 7 years. She lives an hour away from me with my awesome step father whom also is being treated for prostrate cancer.
I was diagnosed as having grade 2 invasive ductal cancer 2 weeks ago and am having surgery in 2 days. Needless to say its already been a turbulent roller-coaster and I am reeling inside. I have no idea what type of cancer (I read a lot of estrogen positive, triple neg etc type of described diagnosis but haven't been told anything like that as yet) but I believe its been caught early. I have been having regular mammograms for 7 years due to having found a cyst and I had a mammogram in March and was given the all clear. About 3 months later I lost weight and noticed the lump felt a bit different but put it down to my weight loss and bein able to feel more of it. Then about 2 months later my half brother died of cancer. It was throughout his whole body and in his brain. He lasted 4 weeks from diagnosis to death. That prompted me to get another check in late September. I was told on October 1st that the lump was now cancer.
What I wasn't prepared for is how instantly life changed. Some good but a lot bad. Its in my head most of it Im sure but its happening none the less. My friends seem distant. People I would thought would be there are making me feel so alone. Promises of visits then excuses why they cant visit. I live an hours drive from my 'best' friend and used to regularly drive to see her. Now the drive is way to far for her although she drives just the same distance to see other people. Its just hurtful and a hard thing to face and accept along with the breast cancer diagnosis and up coming surgery/treatment.
However there had been good things happen. I am discovering there are wonderful people in supports online and in person. I quit smoking without one bad craving and I am now even more determined to get through this new phase of my life and come out the other side stronger and healthier.
I don't know what the future holds but Im aiming for the positive. Ive just got to get through this upcoming surgery first. One thing at a time. I cant think too much about whats next because gets a little to heavy and scary.
Just keep swimming is my new mantra.
My friends will either be there or not. Their choice. I am still me...I think they've forgotten that. Maybe? Time will tell.
I wonder who else has had their long term friendships change.
I was diagnosed as having grade 2 invasive ductal cancer 2 weeks ago and am having surgery in 2 days. Needless to say its already been a turbulent roller-coaster and I am reeling inside. I have no idea what type of cancer (I read a lot of estrogen positive, triple neg etc type of described diagnosis but haven't been told anything like that as yet) but I believe its been caught early. I have been having regular mammograms for 7 years due to having found a cyst and I had a mammogram in March and was given the all clear. About 3 months later I lost weight and noticed the lump felt a bit different but put it down to my weight loss and bein able to feel more of it. Then about 2 months later my half brother died of cancer. It was throughout his whole body and in his brain. He lasted 4 weeks from diagnosis to death. That prompted me to get another check in late September. I was told on October 1st that the lump was now cancer.
What I wasn't prepared for is how instantly life changed. Some good but a lot bad. Its in my head most of it Im sure but its happening none the less. My friends seem distant. People I would thought would be there are making me feel so alone. Promises of visits then excuses why they cant visit. I live an hours drive from my 'best' friend and used to regularly drive to see her. Now the drive is way to far for her although she drives just the same distance to see other people. Its just hurtful and a hard thing to face and accept along with the breast cancer diagnosis and up coming surgery/treatment.
However there had been good things happen. I am discovering there are wonderful people in supports online and in person. I quit smoking without one bad craving and I am now even more determined to get through this new phase of my life and come out the other side stronger and healthier.
I don't know what the future holds but Im aiming for the positive. Ive just got to get through this upcoming surgery first. One thing at a time. I cant think too much about whats next because gets a little to heavy and scary.
Just keep swimming is my new mantra.
My friends will either be there or not. Their choice. I am still me...I think they've forgotten that. Maybe? Time will tell.
I wonder who else has had their long term friendships change.
5
Comments
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Hi! Welcome to the forum!
Here's some links from the BCNA website that may help. Once surgery is complete you will be given the pathology results which confirms type and treatment
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/articles/breast-cancer-pathology/
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/articles/types-of-breast-cancer/
As to friends, they sometimes can't cope or are just too busy in their own lives. We all experience the indifference. Most important is you, worry abt you not your friends/acquaintances at this stage. As the saying goes
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@kimw71 - so sorry to see you join our group here but we'll do our best to help support you specially thru these early days xx
Sadly, some friends (and even family) don't know how to react or what to say when they learn of your diagnosis & so say nothing - and it hurts. Try not to take it personally - most of us have experienced it
You may be surprised who WILL step up to the plate & be your main support. Many of us on the forum have forged really positive friendships here, as we've all 'been there, done that' so really DO know what you're going thru.
I hope your kids live nearby so that they can support you, as after your surgery you will have to take it easy for a while - no lifting (so you can't vacuum, do the washing or hang it our, or the lawn-mowing .....) Do you live alone? I stayed with my brother & his wife after my own surgery until after I saw the surgeon for the first checkup & could drive home (4hrs driving.)
Wishing you well with your surgery - check out this link - it gives you tips on what to take to hospital & other bits about the forum. In the next day before your surgery - consider cooking some meals & freezing them in 'portion sizes' so that you have ready cooked bits for when you go home.
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-new-online-network-members#latest
Also, consider listening to Charlotte Tottman's podcasts on 'What you don't know until you do' .... she is a specialist breast cancer counsellor who was diagnosed 5 years ago & had a double mastectomy and chose to remain 'flat'. She was surprised that her reactions & emotions were totally different to what she'd been espousing to her clients over the years prior to her diagnosis .... Each episode is very easy to listen to & will cover a lot of the emotions that you are feeling now - anger, sadness, denial .... they are all common reactions to the diagnosis xx
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html
Take lots of deep breaths, try not to get ahead of yourself & ponder the 'what ifs' ..... just deal with what you have to right now - your medical team will be doing what is needed for the best results for you xx So put your trust in them xx If you would like to chat with someone - you can ring our helpline on 1800 500 258 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm.)
take care & all the best for your upcoming surgery xx2 -
Hi @kimw71,
Lots of good advice already so I will just say that you sound a very positive person who will be able to cope. Take it one step at a time and trust your oncology team.
Don't worry too much at the moment about your friend response, they may be in shock too and just not sure what to say. True friends will come back, and you will have many more here for support. Cancer is a tough diagnosis and it takes a while to get your head around it for everyone. As Arpie suggested listen to the Dr Charlotte Tottman's podcasts, they are really helpful and can put your mind at ease.
Wishing you all the best for your upcoming surgery, and try not to stress too much until you at least know what you are dealing with. :-)
Take care, R.
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Hi @kimw71
Lots of good advice above and there is a lot of great info on this website and the forum is also a great resource - We all “ get it” in a way people who have not received this diagnosis never can .
Just a couple of points - the Charlotte Tottman podcasts were excellent and brought home the point I just made above - she is a psychologist specialising in cancer related distress but it wasn’t until she got Breast Cancer herself that she truly “ got it”.
Secondly , I found that sone friends couldn’t handle my diagnosis ( I felt like saying “ it’s not contagious”) and other friends really stepped up to the mark . Thankfully my family has been amazing .
I have also met some great ladies through this forum.
No question on here is too silly or trivial , we will all try and help out as best we can .
Take care .🌺
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Thankyou all for the advice and reassurance ladies! It's lovely to know that people care. x3
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Hi @kimw71,
Your story touched and resonated with me as I'm newly diagnosed and just recovering from surgery. I was surprised how well mine went to be honest and I was very scared going in.
Others have given you great advice and pointers to resources. I found the tips on the BCNA site useful in helping me prepare before and thinking about after at home. I'm now making use of the gentle exercise videos too. Wishing you all the best for your upcoming surgery.1 -
Hi @Kimw71, so much wonderful advice above. I have experienced the 'friend' thing. I was in shock as I have supported so many but I have not received that support back at all. I do have a couple of good friends and I have a great husband and son with his own family. Just stick to those ones that come on the ride with you. Enjoy what you want and don't be afraid to ask for help. It's so strange that people don't know how to deal with it. It seems simple to all of us - we just talk here to each other. I wish you the best care.2
