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Hair loss tears

ChevvyChevvy Member Posts: 24
edited January 18 in General discussion
Haven't been here for a while.. works kept me busy.. and because of my profession people expect me to cope, to manage, to know how to deal with all this BC malarkey... I go to work each day smile with a brave face and manage the case files off 65 vulnerable people... see some terribly sad situations... and I sit here, knowing how bad some of those situations are and try to justify the tears that are falling, and have been falling on and off for 3 hours now, just cause my hair is falling out... I didn't shed this many tears on the day of diagnosis, I didn't shed this many tears through surgery or radiation and subsequent treatments,  yet I cry for the loss of hair and my identity that goes with it... and feel a sense of failure that as a professional who sees so much worse, that this can have such an impact. Crikey, its a bloomin hard journey some days. 
Thanku so much to this forum for being here to allow the vent. 


  • FLCloverFLClover Sydney Member Posts: 1,197
    Hello @Chevvy
    I’m not all that surprised that the tears are coming now. Just because you are a strong person, and deal with other terrible situations every day, doesn’t mean that you can’t feel sad for your own situation. You’ve been through so much, your life has changed so much, and now that’s becoming painfully obvious in the physical. Whatever you might’ve been suppressing, wants to be suppressed no more. It needs to come out. This isn’t about your clients or anyone else, it’s about you. And your right to feel sad and shitty for whatever reason you want. Even if it is about your hair falling out. Mind you, that’s no small thing. I think one of the first things we think about when diagnosed is chemo and our hair falling out, and it’s terrifying. Lost identity, a very different you in the mirror, realisation of what you’ve just gone through...I’d cry too. 
    We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. We all have our own problems, and to us they are big, and we have the right to cry as much as we want, and feel weak, and afraid. And have someone comfort us. Sending you big hugs 🤗🤗🤗
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 3,578
    One of the few times I shed tears was when I accidentally frizzed the front of my wig by opening the oven! I had a spare, it wasn’t that big a deal but the tears weren’t just about the wig, they were about the whole ball and dice. The incident was just a trigger.

    However much our hair is part of our identity, it’s only a part - you don’t suddenly become an unknown element when you lose your hair. It’s just a very visible reminder of what you’d rather not be reminded about. But it’s temporary, things will change and who you really are will remain constant - may even shine! Best wishes. 
  • ChevvyChevvy Member Posts: 24
    Thanku for your very kind words.. not thinking the tears are going to stop any time soon tonight... but the beauty is we get to wake up tomorrow and start what's hopefully a better, brighter, brand new day. 
  • ZoffielZoffiel Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 3,225
    I dealt with my second diagnosis, the chemo, more surgery, bald again and rads without a tear and then absolutely cracked it because I dropped a tray of oysters Kilpatrick. I'm talking about a full on tantrum and a crying jag that went on for nearly two days. We are only human. Mxx
  • ChevvyChevvy Member Posts: 24
    Oh dear... just takes one trigger doesnt it... think I just had my trigger. Lovely ladies for sharing, and helping me to allow myself to be human too. Happiest of days to you all. 😊
  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 367
    Hi @Chevvy, we are all set off emotionally by different things and some days it is just like that. We have been through so much and I think it is just fine to have those days where the tears flow. Then the next day we pick ourselves up and keep going as we must do. I cried for 2 weeks when diagnosed.

    Then I got on with it but the hair thing was very hard. I felt super sensitive about it. I shaved my head in wk 2 of chemo to a number one blade so only little hairs in my night cap. I had long curls pre BC. I had those curls for years. It was who I was. I finished chemo at the end of September and my hair has started growing rather think and short at the moment but I can see the ends curling up again. I like my hair short and I even like my grey bits. I think I will keep it short for awhile yet as I am not exactly the same person anymore. Cancer had changed me a bit so my new hair will go with that.

    Hope today is a good day for you xx
  • LocksleyLocksley Macedon Ranges, VictoriaMember Posts: 636
    Hello @Chevvy, you are allowed to cry.   You  have been through so much.  People don't understand how much our hair means to us. I never really liked my thick wavy out of control hair until it started falling out.    It becomes such an obvious thing that we are sick when people look at us with sad eyes.   You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.   I would put my head down when I was out because I couldn't always handle peoples sad looks at me.  Now my hair has started growing again and I think of it as another thing I overcame and became stronger for.     Sending you hugs xxx
  • ChevvyChevvy Member Posts: 24
    Feeling inspired and bit less weepy from your lovely replies. Thankyou ladies.... may your days ahead be bright.. 💐
  • JaneinMelbourneJaneinMelbourne Member Posts: 17
    Hi @Chevvy
    I can definitely relate - I haven't cried as much through anything as to when the first signs of hair loss happened - even thinking about it would trigger tears. When I unpacked it further - it was because of thinking about going back into the office and having to either wear a headscarf or something out of character (or potentially have a shaved head - still TBC!) and face questions / looks when I've been able to avoid that for the most part. It's been very confronting - so I totally understand your emotions even though it does feel petty in some ways. Sending hugs!! xx
  • patdugpatdug Member Posts: 43
    Hello Chevvy
    This journey can spark some unpredictable moments for sure , when the emotions rise to the surface and flood out! You sound like you are in a work situation that requires much empathy and and kindness for clients and the responsibility and emotional giving of it may drain your resources, while at the same time nourish your soul. Swings and roundabouts! It is absolutely Ok (and in fact  a good to release some pent up emotions) at the loss of your hair. I thought losing my hair wouldn't impact to the degree I had read about from others on this forum....but it did...but you get through it and manage and it grows back. I am at the stage where it is about 1 and half inches (in the old money!) long and I ask my husband how it looks.(he is used to seeing me with long blonde hair!! Anyhoo!) His response is supportive and understanding so that keeps me going in a positive direction towards a full head of hair in the future. And this will most likely be your situation as well. I highly recommend a good wig. Why don't you try to go online. There is a great company called WIGS Australia and the staff are very helpful.....I rang the customer services rep and she guided me through choices and particular aspects of the type of wig I wanted. I found wearing a wig liberating (it is very much a personal choice though) and it gave me the freedom to go to work or out and about and actually took my mind off my hair loss. Whatever works for you.....all the very best to  you. Warm wishes Patricia xx
  • FLCloverFLClover Sydney Member Posts: 1,197
    I have to say, when it comes to this whole bc thing, nothing related to it in any way is petty. Yes, some things are more serious than others, but still, nothing is petty. It all
    carries some significance related to our very difficult ‘journey’, for lack of a better word. Most of the time, these triggers are connected to deeper issues that have their own importance and usually need to be dealt with. We have a right to our feelings on these matters, whatever they might be. 
    Just my thoughts 😊♥️
  • MazbethMazbeth BrisbaneMember Posts: 165
    Hey @Chevvy, I can relate to exactly how you are feeling. I cried absolute buckets when I lost my hair, I tried to hold it in and be strong, but then I just let the tears roll. You need to allow yourself to feel sad. It sounds like you see a lot of challenging situations in your job, but you are now facing your own challenge and it’s really important that you allow yourself time to adjust and feel the whole range of emotions.

    I finished chemo last May and the loss of my hair hit me hard. People around me tried to offer comfort, but to me, it wasn’t just hair, it was part of my identity. It’s hard to put in words, but just know that I hear you. Things will get better. I enlisted a great psychologist who really helped to clarify how I was feeling. I bought a fabulous wig - people who didn’t know me did not know I was having chemo. My hair started growing during taxol treatment. I wished I was someone who could have just rolled with losing my hair, but it turned out I wasn’t and that’s ok.

    You are not a failure, you are a person who is going through something that is really testing every ounce of you. What would you say to one of your clients who may face something similar? Without actually meeting you, I bet you would be incredibly compassionate, validate their feelings and explain that this road is tricky, but it is temporary and you would reassure them that they will get there. You will get there. Be kind to yourself, reach out to your support crew and take care. M x
  • ChevvyChevvy Member Posts: 24
    Bless you for your beautiful words and thanku... I truly feel your support. 
    I have felt great strength from the response of all on this site... words that ..yes...I would say to others but forget to say to myself... today has been a better day.  Heartfelt thanks for sharing your journeys...which allows me to understand and be more accepting of mine. Xo
  • Mummy0297Mummy0297 Member Posts: 18
    Hi Chevvy ,
    it is very sad when you start losing your hair. I got one of my friends to give me a no2 haircut so I didn’t have big clumps falling out and it wasn’t so sore. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - I am 5 weeks post chemo and my hair has started to grow back - I was very excited when I noticed I had baby eyelashes. I have to admit my eyebrows seem to be growing back randomly where they didn’t grow before . Just take one day at a time on this journey. Good luck and stay positive xx
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