Never posted before now

Giovanna_BCNA

Posted on behalf of @Loo

Hi all, I have never posted anything before about anything on any form of social media , but I have never had Breast Cancer before either. I m eight weeks since my first doctors visit.  I had a sore spot, thought it was my underwire , changed bra to no avail and of course did the only thing a smart person would do ... I googled sore breast +breast cancer (what a dumb arse ) came back with no connection. Then one night laying in bed I gave my sore spot a rub and there it was , a misshaped lump that didn’t belong . I am happy to say I am two weeks post opp having had a lumpectomy and Noad removal. A good result from the surgeon ( I am in the public system and can’t speak highly enough about the team at Box Hill and Maroondah hospitals) and off to see the oncologist next week for treatment options. But here’s the thing , even though I have had such an an amazingly fast and positive experience with my care and a wonderful supportive family (and I feel a bit like I’m an ungrateful winger ) I haven’t actually had time to process the whole cancer thing and I am , I suppose feeling a bit shell shocked.Everyone keeps asking me if I’m ok and of course my answer is I’m fine  , but I don’t know if I am . Did anyone else feel like they had lost control of their life or do I need to just put on my big girl pants and get over it .Thanks for listening  - clear

kezmusc

Welcome @Loo,

You'll have plenty of time to wear your big girl pants.  I think the majority of us lost the plot at the start and several times along the way, I know I sure did. 
Shellshocked, yes, devastated, yes and plenty of pissed off in there as well.  That's why we call it the roller coaster.  One miinute your like "yep, I got this thing" and the next it's cloudy fog of doom. 

People handle things differently so whatever gets you through is the right way for you. There really is no "right" way to handle this thing.   Excellent that you have had a good result and that the public system is treating you well.  

Best of luck lovely
xoxoxo

youngdogmum

Hi @Loo! 
Welcome to this horrid club. There’s no right or wrong way to process it.. I was very methodical at the beginning and was ready to crack on with every step and then the weight of it all hit me later on. 

This forum is fantastic nothings a dumb question feel free to ask and we will try to help/listen  

Zoffiel

Hey @loo it's a bit of a jump from a sore spot on your boob to the whole language of breast cancer.  Our brains are pretty good at filtering and suppressing information and emotions--just as well, really, or half the population would be gibbering wrecks. Or maybe they are.
Anyway, all this shit takes time to sort through. So many unknowns, and while I don't want to sound like the voice of doom, the bloody goal posts can move about . Take your time when you can, trust your gut if it's screaming at you. Nod and smile when people make idiotic statements or suggestions. There are too many idiots to bite them all. Most of all, good luck. MXX

arpie

Hi @Loo - welcome to the forum - ask away any questions you may have - there is always someone who will have experienced it, or have some honest advice to help you thru it.

We've all had to pull our big girls pants on at some stage .....  it is such a whirlwind, the first 3-4 weeks after finding the lump ,..... the dread & devastation of realising that it is BC ..... then the surgery & others treatments as well .... You can do this.

I am guessing you've had your pathology resultS & hope they are OK.   Yes, Family & buddies will continue to ask if you are 'OK' - and it is OK to say that you are feeling a bit fragile at the moment!   We all try & shield everyone from 'their shock' which can take a bit out of YOU!  No doubt, some will also assume that now you've had your surgery & about to start the rest of your active treatment that all is a 'good'.   It all just takes time, to recover physically AND mentally.

It really is as much a mental struggle as much as a physical one.  If you feel that you are struggling, don't be afraid to ask your Breast Care Nurse or Surgeon's office about accessing a psychologist to help you get thru it.  Don't let it become a stumbling block.

Try not to use Dr google too much - a lot of the info is 10-20 years old & not necessarily relevant to current treatment methods - or to your particular BC.  

Take care & all the best with your Onc's appointment next week xxx  Big hugs coming your way xx

kmakm

The brain protects us. Adrenaline kicks in, fight or flight etc, and that carries us through the intial course of action. It's only later that our psyche allows some of the other emotions through. I'm 19 months post diagnosis and sometimes I still have to metaphorically pinch myself that this has all been real.

Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Avoidance can lead to problems down the line. So cry if you need to, or rage, or laugh at the absurdity. It's all good. If you feel yourself getting stuck at any point, a bit of counselling might be good. There are counsellors available at the Maroondah Breast and Cancer Centre. Joining a support group might be helpful too. Or hang out here with us!

The feeling that we have lost control of our lives is almost universal upon the diagnosis of BC. Take some deep breaths, practice some mindfulness, meditate, whatever gives you some mental space. It's a rollercoaster this BC. You will manage the ride in your own way. Big hug, K xox

~Millie~

The emotional aspect is great. Diagnosed 13 July last year. Feel more broken than ever. The unknowns. Having people tell you you look well 😒. Having sore bits. Looking at your messed up body every time you shower. Trying to arrange appointments. It’s exhausting and traumatic. Hopefully it’ll get better with time. 

About 80% of Women Have PTSD Symptoms After Breast Cancer Diagnosis

https://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/many-women-have-ptsd-symptoms-after-dx

Big hugs to you. Xx

Sister

Only metaphorically, @kmakm?  

Sorry about the flippancy @loo...Welcome to the forum you didn't want to be relevant to you.  If you're anything like many of us, you will find emotions seesawing and often a bit out of control.  Forget the "journey" - it's a rollercoaster.  As others have said, it may be months before you start processing what's happened to you.  It often comes towards the end of active treatment.  And as lovely as family and friends can be, they really don't get it.  That's why this place is invaluable.  Not just for the experiential information but because you can rage and cry and sometimes have a laugh.

jennyss

Dear @Loo, can't add to the great comments above about handling the breast cancer roller coaster. Just 

from jennyss in Western NSW

kmakm

@Sister Enough literal pain in my body without voluntarily adding to it thank you very much!

Loo

Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement!! It really is the mother  roller coaster of all roller coaster rides . 

primek

Perfectly normal @Loo it really is an avalanche at the beginning. The loss and fears creep in a bit later after the inital "fight" mode settles. Be kind to yourself...don't be shocked if the tears just start rolling.