Im 16 and my mother has been diagnosed

sumha

Hi all, 

My mother (35) was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday. She noticed a lump in her breast which she got tested immediately. They told her there was nothing to worry about. 7 months later she noticed a lump under her arm which she also got checked immediately. They confirmed it was cancer, as well as the one on her breast. We haven’t found out any more information as she is yet to have tests taken. She’s getting an MRI as I type this. I’ve been doing a lot of research... because she has a tumour on her breast and under her arm does that mean it’s stage 2 or 3? What’s the difference between stage 2 and 3? Will they do chemo or radiation therapy or just chop it all out? I can’t help but think worse case scenario... what if it’s spread to her brain or her liver. I’m so nervous this entire situation is going to get so much worse. She’s so young and we have no history of breast cancer in our family. She’s not overweight. This is just poor luck. After you get rid of breast cancer, will you go back to your normal self or health? Or will you always be affected in some way? I have so many questions and not enough answers... I’m finding this really hard and I don’t know how to cope. It doesn’t feel real.

Kiwi Angel

@sumha so scary for u u poor thing. I would advise that if your mum is happy to take you to her appointments you write a large list of questions so someone can answer them for u. Treatment options differ so much and there is no one size fits all. She will most likely see a surgeon and oncologist and they will advise the best course of treatment. Most women who get breast cancer actually don’t have a family history - I didn’t when I was diagnosed at the start of this year at the age of 43 which is still considered “young”. Just remember we are all here to support you. This is the toughest time unfortunately when u r just diagnosed and before you get a treatment plan. The waiting and uncertainty is horrible. Big hugs xo

Riki_BCNA

Hello@sumha, sending you a private message

arpie

@sumha -  I am so sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis and applaud you for your obvious concern for her - trying to find answers for questions she's not even thought of yet!!  It really sucks that it wasn't picked up earlier 7 months ago, when she found the first lump  

I am guessing she hasn't seen a surgeon yet?    What is the 'general area' do you live?  If in a big city, maybe a suburb?  We have members everywhere who may be able to get you in touch with the local Breast Care Nurse, who would be able to answer most of your (and your Mum's) questions.   

Does she have a good friend, sister, or someone she trusts to go with her to all her meetings - there will be quite a few over the next few months.  Even see if they can record the meetings to 'go over them' later, as it is very easy to forget what's been said at the time.

Try not to use Dr Google too much at this point in time - there are so many different answers out there - and none of them may apply to your Mum.

You sound an amazing young person - and you don't have to do this all on your own.  There is Canteen (a wonderful support group for kids who's parents have cancer.)  Your Mum's Breast Cancer Nurse will be able to connect you with all sorts of support - in the mean time, check them out here: 
https://www.canteen.org.au

The staging for your Mum will only be known after the surgery & the pathology has been completed (usually about a week after surgery.)   Her surgeon will most likely have a Breast Care Nurse in the room with her for her initial appointments and post op results, as well as any family or friends that she has with her for support.

Yes, it is just plain bad luck.  I am the same as your Mum, just a tad older -  with No family history either. 

Our hope is that we all DO get back to that person we were before we were diagnosed - it may take a while tho. 

Maybe suggest your Mum signs up here as well, as there is a special section here for 'Young Women' who can discuss stuff in private.

Please continue to ask questions - I am sure others will jump on & offer support.

In the mean time, take one day at a time, take deep breaths and just help your mum out as much as you can around home xx

Thinking of you big time as you and your family face this diagnosis.

take care & big hugs coming your way xxxx

Zoffiel

Hey Summer. I totally understand that you are shitting yourself and well done for finding us, but if there is one thing that we all learn very early when we get thrown on the breast cancer train it is that everyone is different. Guessing doesn't help. Decisions about treatment are made by people who spend years getting their quals, some of them can be arrogant arseholes, but ultimately they have the skills to determine what is the best option for each individual. We hope.

You write beautifully and I hope you  bring your mum onto the site as well. One thing that nearly everyone complains about is the lack of control that suddenly descends on even the most competent people who find they have cancer. It's really important that everyone hears the same information--i think I can speak for our peculiar little community enough to say we are here for both of you.

[Deleted User]

@sumha , I’m sure your mum appreciates your support. You are being supportive just by being there. Keep talking to her and you will both feel better when you know what treatment she’ll be having. More and more people recover and go on to lead happy and healthy lives with their families. It sounds like your mum is in good hands. All the best with everything. We all understand what it’s like in those first few days. x

Sister

@sumha Others have said it all already.  The biggest thing for you and your Mum at the moment is not to try to project too much.  Cancer is shit - no doubt about it, but she won't know exactly what she's dealing with until it is fully diagnosed so there's little to be gained by trying to second guess it.  Hard to do though, I know.  What her treatment will look like will depend on what the tests show and then, if she goes for surgery in the first instance, what the pathology report indicates.  You're doing amazingly well by providing her with support going through this.

Afraser

Hi there, you are doing wonderfully well because this is a situation that reduces everyone to nervous shock. Everyone has given you excellent advice so I will only add three things: be prepared for the waiting, the diagnosis happens like a whirlwind and most everything else is slower than you would like or want. Doctors want to be very sure and that's a good thing but it can be very frustrating when it happens. Two, treatment stretches for ever at the beginning - you think if will never end. But if will and one day this will all seem very far away. Third thing is something I learned from a wise person on this site - don't look back, you are not going that way. Whatever happens in our lives, we move forward. And we all change, all the time. Our skeleton actually changes completely every seven years! Mostly we don't notice these changes, but they still happen. You and your mother will still be the same people at the end of all this, but with a whole lot of new experiences under your belt. You won't enjoy some, but some will be very special. Take things step by step. Come here any time you want or need to. Best wishes. 

primek

Hi and welcome. Just know that even though your Mum has a lymph  node involved it doesn't mean her cancer isn't treatable. My niece was your Mum's age, with very young children. Out of 20 nodes removed, 10 had cancer. But following treatment she has remained well 16 years on. Her baby just turned 18 and she plans on a full and long life. It's scary yes. But there is hope. Keep us up to date and ask away as you know more. At this stage the guessing what might happen just makes us more anxious. Focus on each  step at a time. Kath x

TonyaM

Hi Summer, my youngest daughter was your age when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and that was 15yrs ago
I’m fine now but with some minor ailments.Like the other ladies have said,your Mum won’t get her pathology until after tests and surgery.Try not to get ahead of yourself because the ‘what ifs’can do your head in.The waiting and unknown are the worst bits- I found it helps to stay really busy.At first it’s like a bad dream and you feel so anxious but once your Mum has a plan it’ll seem abit more tolerable.
 The majority of women now survive Breast cancer and live a long life so try and hold onto that thought when you feel yourself slipping to the dark place.You sound like a wonderful,caring daughter so lots of hugs will help your mum for now.xx