Out of control and in shock
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Hi there @Sarnicad I was diagnosed may 2016 aged 43 stage 2a grade 3 triple negative breast cancer. No lymph nodes involved and scans all clear. I have no family history and qualified for the gene test as I’m under 50, no family history and because of my diagnosis. I tested negative for that. My story a little similar to yours with my left boob always being “my lumpy boob” and I’d had mammograms since turning 40, had a biopsy on one spot the year before I was told that was fine. Went the following year felt the same as you I couldn’t feel anything “new” so wasn’t worried, then whammo...... you have breast cancer!
The crew on here have given you some awesome advice so far so I’ll just add to that. Firstly you must remember the next few months are going to be and have to be about you. You won’t be used to life being like this and you will have to adjust as needed. So make sure you learn to be flexible. Do what you can when you can but don’t overdo it. Chemo for me was like @kmakm shitty but doable I had a different course to you mine was fortnightly for 8 rounds. So here’s some tips
1. Delegate where needed and as required. The family can and will learn to use the washing machine, vacuum cleaner and even the iron. We had our 18 year old son at home when I was diagnosed and he was great.
2. If family or friends ask to lend hand TAKE THEM UP ON IT. Believe me people only offer to help if they want to. You will soon find out which ones are genuine and which ones are full of shit. You will also be surprised at those people who you don’t expect to step up do and those who you thought.might don’t. But don’t get upset with those people you won’t have time too. You just need to focus on kicking your bc well and truly in the balls.
3. Don’t google anything. Take advice from your team. Your treatment plan will be different from someone else’s and how you manage the side effects will be different too. There’s also no stupid questions always ask,reach out if you have too and take advantage of this forum as we all have a story to tell and can hold your hand along the way.
4. Hello fresh is a great idea for the family and will bet them in the kitchen. Your appetite or taste may change whilst your having treatment so if there’s nights when you just feel like toast at least the family will be fed.
5. Let us know where you are so we can advise you on support groups in your area. These offer lots of different services and support for you and there will no doubt be plenty of advice on here about that. Take advantage of them, it’s totally ok and can be hard to say yes to the support they offer but please make sure you do, you will meet some wonderful people along the way. Then when you’re all finished trestment if you choose to you can have something positive to focus on afterwards if you’d like to do some fundraising later on.
6. I have loaned my bandanas to a lady in Newcastle, they then went to Victoria and @salpa3 -
@SoldierCrab may have some advice about helping teenagers on the spectrum cope.
I have 3 kids, aged 11, 12 & 15 at diagnosis but have all had birthdays since. We've been doing the exam thing for the eldest recently. Mine have had certain chores around housecleaning and day-to-day cleanup, pre-diagnosis. That was invaluable as it meant getting them to do that stuff wasn't new (still needs some reminding). When I've been at my worst after surgery and chemo, the kids have taken on things like the washing and some of the cooking - they cooked a roast dinner for Christmas Day and decorated the pav! Under my supervision, but they did all the work and were really pleased with themselves.
My kids never met their auntie, my sister, as she died from bc a couple of years before my eldest was born so this was always going to be a tricky thing for them to face. My husband and I have been honest with them from the start and have told them that we will always tell them what is going on, just not the what-ifs. We've had some wobbles along the way - my heart broke when I saw my son's face after the call to say the cancer was more than expected; and general anxiety from one of my daughters. And I've hated having to let them down on things that once we would done without question.
You mentioned that your kids have a lot of activities - if there are team mates who live nearby, you may want to see if your kids can go with them - that's a practical help that will really make a difference.
With regard to work, while chemo has been doable for me, there is no way that I could have managed a day at work for most of it and the good days I've had were not particularly predictable. I admire those who can push through with this but not all of us can. Except for the first few days after AC treatments, I have generally done the morning school run which takes about 2 hours. I get home tired, can potter a bit for a couple of hours unless I've been to rehab exercise class after dropoff, then collapse, absolutely shattered for the rest of the afternoon. Some cope better than others. Hopefully, you'll be one who can manage easily but don't beat yourself up if you're not.2 -
@kmakm I’ve always told mine I earntto my money and if they wanted pocket money they would have to contribute around the house. Well my daughter wouldn’t so had no pocket money but took up babysitting in her teens which brought in a bit of fritter money.The boys much the same buthave done theodd bit of gardening when we couldn’t for which they were paid but have worked part time at a local supermarket for 2 plus years now jobs they themselves organised and have enjoyed having $ - one saved literally every penny and bought a VW polo GTI and the other frittered it all but after what his brother did has been saving hard to buy his dream a Toyota hilux
Under the end of the year we expect they contribute either effort/cash or both as we are both retired and getting older. Eg lawn mowing , gardening , cooking a meal etc.Will let you know how we get on - possibly one may move into a share house but not our call either way being an adult brings responsibilities as well as rights albeit expect yikes with the new normal.1 -
My eldest would dearly love a part-time job but due to where we live, the logistics are impossible, at least until he can get his Ps. I feel really sorry for him.0
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@Romla @Sister The eldest had a part time job at a local bakery for a couple of years. It was great, he could walk there. He saved a fair bit and bought a gaming console. He doesn't have one now but will be super motivated after his last allowance in November! My 15yo is desperate for a job and I won't be surprised if she has one soon. She'll be an OK saver I reckon.
With pocket money (half their age each week, paid fortnightly) they are expected to do the household basics, eg keep their rooms reasonably tidy, and help with a variety of chores without complaint. If they don't, they don't get pocket money. On Friday Niece10 lost the next two payments for very unpleasant rudeness...2 -
Gee bodes well working a bakery mine work in fruit and veg not nearly so enticing.Have learnt a lot though - apparently bent bananas have better flavour being the latest.1
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@Sarnicad welcome to the forum even thought I’m sorry u have to join us. Great bunch of supportive women here that have been the best support for me through this journey. One of the best places to come for advice or to have a rant or cry. xoxox0
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Hi @Sarnicad, I hope it’s ok to comment here. I had my post- op appt on Friday July 13th. Clear margins, no nodes, 17mm,but grade 3 and told chemo ,radiotherapy and the tablets later.... I only expected radio and nothing else. Feeling very overwhelmed now. I too have a teen at home. I have not seen any specialists yet for my next plan......I am trying to come to terms with the new shape of my breast as they took my nipple plus more tissue, I hope I’m given time to heal before treatment ? Were you? Thanks.1
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PS. I am new here too. I think I’m already glad I found this forum, just reading everyone’s thoughts, feelings makes me realise we are not alone. Hope to chat soon.1
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I was the same as you @ Fletch . I had clear margins, no nodes 14mm grade 3. I wasn't expecting to have chemo until pathology came back after my lumpectomy. So a bit of a shock . Chemo starts once you've healed after surgery. I've finished chemo and presently in the midst of radiation. All the best and take care. Xxx1
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Hi Finch, Thankyou so much.x
May I ask what your chemo experience was like?0 -
@Fletch , I had four treatments three weeks apart . I was absolutely terrified before the first one. It was so good to get that out the way. I found I had most of the side effects but not too severe . It was doable . Do you know what chemo you'll be taking? Once you find that out you will be able to start a thread or read previous threads that apply to that particular chemo regime and we can help give you more of an idea what to expect. Xxx1
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Welcome @Fletch. I stalked this forum for a few days before jumping in on another newbie's post (can't remember who, now) and introducing myself. It has been an emotional lifesaver for me as well as providing an amazing array of first-hand information from which I have been able to prepare myself or make choices, such as whether to get a port or not (btw if you're having a significant amount of chemo, I would definitely recommend it). I didn't expect chemo to be on the cards originally, either. What started as a partial turned into a mastectomy and node involvement. I also have primary and high school kids - 3 of them. I would suggest being honest because secrets can be far scarier than dealing with the known.
I had 4 x 3 weekly AC and I'm coming up to the last of 12 x weekly Paclitaxol. I won't lie to you - it's been crap (a statement at which my surgeon laughed as he's still waiting for someone to say it's fine) - but it is an achievable marathon. As @finch said, once you know your own regimen we can help you more. I go on to rads in about 4 weeks. Good luck with things and come back whenever you need some sanity.2
