Have the blues hit this site?
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That is SO good to hear!! I'm thrilled for you. Hope you can manage some of those scrumptious fish & chips. K xox
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Most excellent to hear @Kiwi Angel!
K xox 0 -
I wish more people would give themselves permission to feel crappy.
I think there's so much pressure to be 'the strong one' or 'the positive one'.
I'm actually one of those horrendously annoying positive people - even my blood group is B+! I constantly drive my kids crazy with some sort of 'make lemonade' phrase and I am incredibly fortunate that so far, I haven't been doing too badly throughout this breast cancer process - but I have totally had it with people telling me how 'amazing' I am - simply because I've been fortunate enough to continue working and living life as normal - and I keep thinking how damaging it is for people who are blue and struggling, to always hear about how 'amazing' someone is.
There's so much pressure to appear to be that 'amazing' person to the outside world. And that's why I think so many people feel that they need to show a different face to the outside world, than they feel inside. It's the same with any form of depression, anxiety or fear. The tide isn't really turning fast enough.
I am absolutely not any more amazing in any way, shape or form than anyone else that is going through this - in fact, I am way way less amazing, simply because I haven't had it so tough. The truly 'amazing' people are the many of you who struggle to get out of bed each day and somehow find the strength to still do it.
It's absolutely OK to be struggling, it's OK to be blue and it's OK to have low spirits - it's so normal! The most important thing is that if you find yourself sinking into the depths then you acknowledge it, and give yourself permission to feel that way. Then, when you're ready, to find whatever it is that works for you to gradually bring yourself into the light - however long it takes is fine.
To echo @arpie and @kezmusc - the light is there, sometimes it's just a little harder to see - and this forum is an absolute godsend - it's absolutely awesome to see how honest people are on their posts - it really helps so many people.4 -
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@eastmum - I got, and still continue to get the amazing thing - how I worked, mainly looked after myself and never complained. It almost makes you feel like you have to continue doing that as that is what people now expect of you. In saying that though I told my hubby the other week how down I was feeling and he was very supportive. I was fine all the way through surgeries and then chemo but I think once its all over you actually have the chance to reflect and realise all you have been through.1
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@Kiwi Angel The processing time required for this ordeal is lengthy...1
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@Kmakm - was supposed to ring the shrink again today but left my diary and paperwork at home - Im playing the chemo brain thing as long as I can - then Ill blame the Tamoxifen ;-).
Apparently a large amount of women come through the experience with PTSD which does not surprise me.
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@Kiwi Angel - yep this pressure to be 'amazing' is so damaging. It's great that we can be open with our families - and I think that the more people who stand up and say 'I'm not doing so well but I'm still powering on' - the easier it will be for many people. Having said that, if my ability to continue to work and live life as normal is inspiring to anyone, then I am incredibly humbled by that. xxx0
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@Kiwi Angel Just tried to make an appointment to see my psych but there's no one on the phones at the breast clinic...
She told me there are a couple of studies being done on the psychological similarities between PTSD and a diagnosis of BC. Extremely similar apparently, the thinking being they may be able to use some of the PTSD treatments in the BC setting.0 -
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@kmakm very interesting. Ill have to try and find a chance to ring tomorrow.
@Eastmum - I feel the same way - being able to keep working made me feel better I didn't do it for anyone else but if someone out there sees that it is possible for some people to work through chemo then Im happy about. Sometimes I don't want to be amazing - it was to be whiny, whingy and curl up in a little ball.
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I managed so well during BC V1; kept working, sole parenting and pretty much blitzed it. I got the 'amazing' thing then too. This time, not.
The first time, apart from being fit as, there was a degree of naivety and I was so bloody angry about some aspects of my treatment that I was, perhaps, over energized. I didn't know anyone who had breast cancer and had no preconceived ideas about how I would feel or how treatment would affect me. Ignorance may truly be bliss.
This time the naivety is gone and I'm very jaded and so much more cynical than I was ten years ago. That and the cumulative effect of some pretty tough personal circumstances, the medication, the stress of recurrence and plain old fashioned aging has made BC V2 a very trying experience. I don't blame myself for that, but it is hugely disappointing on many levels.
On we plod. There is no right or wrong attitude and I honestly believe that most people do the best they can. I also believe there is no 'maybe' about the PTSD situation. How much more stressful do things need to get? Given the issues of getting even basic physical and mental rehab services up here, I have no confidence that there will ever be sufficient resources to address that, even after someone eventually decides that it really is a 'thing'. Which is a pity, as any barrier to getting some semblance of a normal life back has huge ramifications on the whole community long after active treatment has finished.
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