Have the blues hit this site?
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Sister
Member Posts: 4,960 ✭
I don't know whether it's my imagination because that's the space I'm in at the moment, if it's just a cyclic thing and there's a lot of us active around the 6-12mth post-diagnosis, or is there some seasonal mood disorder, at least for us in the more southern areas of the country, but there seems to be a major attack of the blues on this site lately. Maybe it's just that one or two have opened up and everyone else has crawled out from under the blankies. While it's reassuring that I'm not the only one, and I AM happy that people are using this forum to get it out, I am a little concerned that there seems to be so many of us.
I will admit, this is not how I thought the bc treatment would go - how naive, was I? While I knew that chemo was going to be a long and unpleasant experience, I never knew just how long 6 months could drag and at the beginning, I wasn't slated for chemo, anyway. When I (mentally) got through surgery with my headspace mostly in tact - I was definitely wearing my Yellow Hat, at least - I thought I was going to manage this experience reasonably well, emotionally. It was going to be a few months out of my life and then back to (mostly) normal. I knew that I would always be worried about future recurrence (and losing my sister to this did not inspire confidence) but I did not know how far down bc was going to drag me. I am a planner, a bit of a dreamer, researcher, and generally a positive person. In fact, I find it really hard when, to go back to de Bono, I have an abundance of Black Hats around me. While I'm no Pollyanna by any stretch of the imagination, positivity has always gotten me through life, even through some of the darkest times when it's only been a glimmer in the dark. I've always taken the view that when one door closes, you've just got to look for the one that's about to open somewhere. I've found now, that my positivity has mostly deserted me - the doors are locked and the windows painted shut.
I think that it may be time to get those regular psych sessions organised.
I've just realised this post started out about all of us and it turned into ME! ME! ME! I never meant it to but I guess that's what happens when you're awake again in the early hours (and with what sounds like hail battering the window). I would be interested to hear from others if they've also noticed an unusual lowering of spirits on this site lately or, from the old hands, if it's a regular occurrence!
I will admit, this is not how I thought the bc treatment would go - how naive, was I? While I knew that chemo was going to be a long and unpleasant experience, I never knew just how long 6 months could drag and at the beginning, I wasn't slated for chemo, anyway. When I (mentally) got through surgery with my headspace mostly in tact - I was definitely wearing my Yellow Hat, at least - I thought I was going to manage this experience reasonably well, emotionally. It was going to be a few months out of my life and then back to (mostly) normal. I knew that I would always be worried about future recurrence (and losing my sister to this did not inspire confidence) but I did not know how far down bc was going to drag me. I am a planner, a bit of a dreamer, researcher, and generally a positive person. In fact, I find it really hard when, to go back to de Bono, I have an abundance of Black Hats around me. While I'm no Pollyanna by any stretch of the imagination, positivity has always gotten me through life, even through some of the darkest times when it's only been a glimmer in the dark. I've always taken the view that when one door closes, you've just got to look for the one that's about to open somewhere. I've found now, that my positivity has mostly deserted me - the doors are locked and the windows painted shut.
I think that it may be time to get those regular psych sessions organised.
I've just realised this post started out about all of us and it turned into ME! ME! ME! I never meant it to but I guess that's what happens when you're awake again in the early hours (and with what sounds like hail battering the window). I would be interested to hear from others if they've also noticed an unusual lowering of spirits on this site lately or, from the old hands, if it's a regular occurrence!
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I definitely think it was @Summer Prevails sharing so honestly about her current headspace that opened the door for some of us to be more open ourselves about how tough we're finding it at the moment. I had been writing about my mood in the Choosing Breast Reconstruction group but less so here. I thank her for her honesty.
It shouldn't always be a whingefest, but nor is constant positivity always ideal. As we often say, this is a safe space to vent. It's hard to impossible tell our families how bleak we sometimes feel.
I am sincere when I say I draw tremendous comfort from hearing from those who have gone before me that these low spirits, this struggle, is normal and will pass in time. Thank you to all of you who've taken the time to remember and write about their own efforts to get through this part of breast cancer.0 -
@Sister - I definitely think they have but if we can’t be sad here with the support of people who know what we have been through I don’t know where we can be sad. Like u I’m going to have to organise my counselling sessions. Xo0
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I agree @kmakm and @Kiwi Angel This site has been a lifesaver.1
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I'm trying not to be such a miserable bandicoot. It's a great analogy, but it does raise a question. Do maudlin marsupials get drawn to each other naturally, or do they change each other's mood? Does misery really love company?
Ive been puddling around in a few journals; not surprisingly quite a few people have wondered about that. The long answer is noone knows for sure. The short answer is probably. We are drawn to people we identify with, and empathy, while a great trait, can be a double edged sword.
I'm usually wearing the green hat @sister. It's turned a distinctly drab shade of olive lately. Mxx1 -
There is a little bit of a blues fest going on at the moment, but as we all know that is normal and human. It is so good that everybody feels safe enough here to admit the things that they don't tell anybody else. Everybody is trying to put on the brave face for the outside world and be the warrior, the fighter, the survivor. It is enormously helpful to get it out of your head and on to the paper, so to speak. Frees up some breathing and thinking space in there.
In saying that though, It is crucial though that the ones who have gotten through and know that it does get better continue to offer their strategies and keep sending the positive vibes, thoughts and love.
When you are feeling down, out and stepped all over sometimes this is not even something you want to hear. You read the positive analogies and the words of wisdom and think yeah, yeah blah blah sure and disappear back into your floating cloud of fog. I know I was a bit like that some days. Sometimes it only takes one sentence, one line, one pearl of wisdom that rings true with you to get you back on track for a bit.
Keep on swimming ladies it's not going to be all flowers and rainbows for a bit but you will catch sight of sun through the clouds more often as you go along.
A million hugs. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo6 -
Yes, there's been a bunch of our 'Breasties' who have been doing it really tough over the last 4-6 weeks & I hope that those of us not doing it so tough have been able to lighten the burden a bit & show that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
To be honest, I have also noticed the 'mood disorder' too - and I also think it may related to the shitty, cold, wet weather we are also experiencing, that may be exacerbating our shitty side effects & moods!
When we were first diagnosed & started our treatment - no-one knew just how much this shitty road we've had to navigate would affect us personally - it can change from day to day - for better or worse.
It can just take one 'little stuff up' that can change us from being relatively OK & 'sort of in charge' to being a 'bawling wreck'.
Luckily, this is usually a TEMPORARY STATE and with counselling and help from us and your family & friends ...... you WILL GET THRU it.
To everyone reading this thread - please know that not EVERYONE gets EVERY symptom that some of us have had .... and hopefully you will sail thru most of your surgeries and treatment .... please try not to get too anxious leading into surgery or post op treatment - cos the complications just may not happen.
As @kezmusc says - let's hear from those 'positive stories' as well as the painful ones. This doesn't take anything away from those going thru really tough times - I've seen some of the photos - and it can be SO confronting ....... Reading the 'positive' stories are just so uplifting - and shows that there CAN be light at the end of the tunnel - and quality of life.
I've been to 2 funerals today - both related to members of my ukulele group. One (the husband of my uke friend and a member of our group) who passed away from a stroke - he also had met prostate cancer. The other was a young lad who was in Year 12, from suicide. His grandparents are both members of my uke group - his grandmother has met BC. 500 people (mainly school 'friends') attended his funeral today. Yet he felt 'alone'. The ever expanding ripples from his death will be everlasting for his younger brother, mother, father, aunts, uncles and grandparents .... then there are the school friends who are grieving so badly ..... it is all just SO sad. He was a lovely looking young man, a high achiever ..... yet he had no idea how much he was loved & looked up to.
Just know that you are NOT ALONE when you feel down & stressed.
We all feel it at some stage - we've all been thru it to some degree or another - or we may be about to go thru it ..... PLEASE - just talk about it with your family and friends - and with us ....
Take care out there xxxx
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It does put things in some perspective, doesn't it @arpie. I remember going to a number of funerals of my year group in my late teens/very early 20s - mostly car accidents but we lost a couple to suicide. Often, when I'm contemplating my own situation, I remember them and how, whatever happens now, I've got almost 40 years more life than they did. Obviously, I don't know your friends, but my love to them and to you.2
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@arpie what a tough day. Sending u huge hugs xoxo1
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Sadly, I have another uke related funeral next Thurs ..... our Bass player's sister died from cancer on Wed. It's been a shit week.
It will also coincide with my GP appointment for my US & MG results.
The Grandmother with met BC is now having a biopsy on her lesion on Monday - so we'll both be getting our results about the same time. This will give her peace of mind - in case it is a different cancer to her met diagnosis.1 -
The serenity... 4 -
Yes - we got to the shack late yesterday afternoon. By the time we'd unpacked and I 'd cooked tea (and possibly also a mouse hidden in the back of the oven by the smell), I crashed.2
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@Sister gorgeous!!
had a wonderful day with the hubby which has improved my mood no end. Hopefully not temporary.3 -
@Kiwi Angel - how wonderful!! Always face the sun - so the shadows fall behind you!
@Sister - what a magic photo. I grew up at the beach (Mona Vale) and overlook the water at home (Forster) and just find it SO serene ..... enjoy your time at the beach. That mouse will be well & truly 'done' by now, I reckon!
I'm off fishing!
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