Forum Discussion
Have the blues hit this site?
I don't know whether it's my imagination because that's the space I'm in at the moment, if it's just a cyclic thing and there's a lot of us active around the 6-12mth post-diagnosis, or is there some seasonal mood disorder, at least for us in the more southern areas of the country, but there seems to be a major attack of the blues on this site lately. Maybe it's just that one or two have opened up and everyone else has crawled out from under the blankies. While it's reassuring that I'm not the only one, and I AM happy that people are using this forum to get it out, I am a little concerned that there seems to be so many of us.
I will admit, this is not how I thought the bc treatment would go - how naive, was I? While I knew that chemo was going to be a long and unpleasant experience, I never knew just how long 6 months could drag and at the beginning, I wasn't slated for chemo, anyway. When I (mentally) got through surgery with my headspace mostly in tact - I was definitely wearing my Yellow Hat, at least - I thought I was going to manage this experience reasonably well, emotionally. It was going to be a few months out of my life and then back to (mostly) normal. I knew that I would always be worried about future recurrence (and losing my sister to this did not inspire confidence) but I did not know how far down bc was going to drag me. I am a planner, a bit of a dreamer, researcher, and generally a positive person. In fact, I find it really hard when, to go back to de Bono, I have an abundance of Black Hats around me. While I'm no Pollyanna by any stretch of the imagination, positivity has always gotten me through life, even through some of the darkest times when it's only been a glimmer in the dark. I've always taken the view that when one door closes, you've just got to look for the one that's about to open somewhere. I've found now, that my positivity has mostly deserted me - the doors are locked and the windows painted shut.
I think that it may be time to get those regular psych sessions organised.
I've just realised this post started out about all of us and it turned into ME! ME! ME! I never meant it to but I guess that's what happens when you're awake again in the early hours (and with what sounds like hail battering the window). I would be interested to hear from others if they've also noticed an unusual lowering of spirits on this site lately or, from the old hands, if it's a regular occurrence!
I will admit, this is not how I thought the bc treatment would go - how naive, was I? While I knew that chemo was going to be a long and unpleasant experience, I never knew just how long 6 months could drag and at the beginning, I wasn't slated for chemo, anyway. When I (mentally) got through surgery with my headspace mostly in tact - I was definitely wearing my Yellow Hat, at least - I thought I was going to manage this experience reasonably well, emotionally. It was going to be a few months out of my life and then back to (mostly) normal. I knew that I would always be worried about future recurrence (and losing my sister to this did not inspire confidence) but I did not know how far down bc was going to drag me. I am a planner, a bit of a dreamer, researcher, and generally a positive person. In fact, I find it really hard when, to go back to de Bono, I have an abundance of Black Hats around me. While I'm no Pollyanna by any stretch of the imagination, positivity has always gotten me through life, even through some of the darkest times when it's only been a glimmer in the dark. I've always taken the view that when one door closes, you've just got to look for the one that's about to open somewhere. I've found now, that my positivity has mostly deserted me - the doors are locked and the windows painted shut.
I think that it may be time to get those regular psych sessions organised.
I've just realised this post started out about all of us and it turned into ME! ME! ME! I never meant it to but I guess that's what happens when you're awake again in the early hours (and with what sounds like hail battering the window). I would be interested to hear from others if they've also noticed an unusual lowering of spirits on this site lately or, from the old hands, if it's a regular occurrence!
33 Replies
- I was diagnosed with PTSD but unfortunately I couldn't tolerate the pills from the psychiatrist and there are very few other sorts that can go with Tamoxifen. A friend ended up making me a herbal treatment oil which seems to keep me steady now. No its not a legal one. ;)
- ladies , I see a psychologist as I have PTSD after my diagnosis and treatment. I will be 6 years since dX early September 2012. Please seek professional help if you are struggling. it's good to acknowledge the good, bad and ugliness of BC diagnosis and treatment. It does get better. Hugs soldiercrab.
- At a tiny place called The Pines @onemargie. Down the bottom of Yorkes. Until the last AC I was walking 5km every morning. Since then I've been barely able to walk to the bottom of the driveway and back without being majorly out of breath. We'll, yesterday I walked nearly 3 km along the beach - time was brilliant but I did it! And someone else was out for a constitutional, too! You'll have to zoom in...
- @sister. I have memories as a child of a few mouse plagues in South Australia. Bloody things get into everything don’t they! Lovely pics too. Hope your enjoying your stay at the shack. Where abouts are you.?? Margie xx
I managed so well during BC V1; kept working, sole parenting and pretty much blitzed it. I got the 'amazing' thing then too. This time, not.
The first time, apart from being fit as, there was a degree of naivety and I was so bloody angry about some aspects of my treatment that I was, perhaps, over energized. I didn't know anyone who had breast cancer and had no preconceived ideas about how I would feel or how treatment would affect me. Ignorance may truly be bliss.
This time the naivety is gone and I'm very jaded and so much more cynical than I was ten years ago. That and the cumulative effect of some pretty tough personal circumstances, the medication, the stress of recurrence and plain old fashioned aging has made BC V2 a very trying experience. I don't blame myself for that, but it is hugely disappointing on many levels.
On we plod. There is no right or wrong attitude and I honestly believe that most people do the best they can. I also believe there is no 'maybe' about the PTSD situation. How much more stressful do things need to get? Given the issues of getting even basic physical and mental rehab services up here, I have no confidence that there will ever be sufficient resources to address that, even after someone eventually decides that it really is a 'thing'. Which is a pity, as any barrier to getting some semblance of a normal life back has huge ramifications on the whole community long after active treatment has finished.
@kmakm very interesting. Ill have to try and find a chance to ring tomorrow.
@Eastmum - I feel the same way - being able to keep working made me feel better I didn't do it for anyone else but if someone out there sees that it is possible for some people to work through chemo then Im happy about. Sometimes I don't want to be amazing - it was to be whiny, whingy and curl up in a little ball.
- @"Kiwi Angel" Just tried to make an appointment to see my psych but there's no one on the phones at the breast clinic...
She told me there are a couple of studies being done on the psychological similarities between PTSD and a diagnosis of BC. Extremely similar apparently, the thinking being they may be able to use some of the PTSD treatments in the BC setting. - @"Kiwi Angel" - yep this pressure to be 'amazing' is so damaging. It's great that we can be open with our families - and I think that the more people who stand up and say 'I'm not doing so well but I'm still powering on' - the easier it will be for many people. Having said that, if my ability to continue to work and live life as normal is inspiring to anyone, then I am incredibly humbled by that. xxx
@Kmakm - was supposed to ring the shrink again today but left my diary and paperwork at home - Im playing the chemo brain thing as long as I can - then Ill blame the Tamoxifen ;-).
Apparently a large amount of women come through the experience with PTSD which does not surprise me.
