Confronting flashbacks

kmakm
kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
I've just arrived to see my counsellor. Where I normally see her is really busy so I've been sent two doors up to the Breast Screen clinic where I had my mammograms, ultrasound and biopsy.

And of all the rooms she could be in, she's in the very room where I got my diagnosis.

I haven't been here since that day. I'm having awful flashbacks. This is horrible.

*pulls up big girl undies*

Comments

  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    Tell her that it's happening.  I know what you mean though - I seem to have travelled the same path through the hospitals as my sister did many years ago.  It really shakes you up.
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,511
    Oh dear you sound like you've really got the "heebie jeebies".

    I was put with a Counsellor prior to diagnosis at Breastscreen and her advice was whenever you start to feel overwhelmed start to pat yourself down, pat your legs and pat your arms and whilst you are doing this you are saying yes this is me and it is bringing you into the now and helping you to calm and breathe.

    Wishing you well with the Counsellor and hopefully some restful thoughts will result after this visit or further visits.

    Take care and remember everyone on here at some stage has felt similar
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    edited March 2018
    @sister I did. But I didn't need to, she could see it. She noticed my shaking and then, despite being dry eyed for days, my absolutely unbidden tears. She said I was having a panic attack and got me to do some deep breathing.

    It was awful. I never think of myself as this frail! So I was taken by surprise as well. Why do I continue to be shocked by all of these reactions and side effects?! Thinking that they won't happen to me is so deluded and foolish. I am just as human as everyone else.

    Thank you @iserbrown. I like that tactic, will give it a try. And yes, the commonality of the experiences here are a great comfort.

    Time for a rare coffee I think. If it wasn't so early, I'd say a stiff drink...

    I am still shaken by my visceral reaction. BC is a body and mind f**k.
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,511
    Awesome - you're on your way to being in control!  Perhaps a good coffee or is it "Time for Tea", whichever option will certainly help.  
    Take some time to reflect but as the saying goes:


  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    I've surprised/disgusted myself with the amount of times I have gotten teary with no good reason.  Just not me.  Did it yesterday in the chemo room and can't even remember what brought it on. You're not alone.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Still shaking, you're all helping, bless you <3 
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    [Deleted User] Posts: 0
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  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372

    Sometimes just being with people who will persist in being kind to me will set me off.

    Growing a sudden crop of blue warts, or a horn in the middle of your forehead are abnormal things to do. Tears, well, our bodies may have some obvious design faults, but essentially all the bits and pieces serve a function--including tears. It's normal. Inconvenient and occasionally embarrassing, but so is farting and it's sometimes our bodes are beyond our control. Bottling these feelings up isn't helpful and having cancer treatment is certainly a good reason top get an attack of the sniveling vapours. Erk. A good howl does do a great deal of good on occasions. The trick is learning how to stop.


  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    edited March 2018
    Thank you @Joannie & @Zoffiel. Kindness sets me off too. And I've been wondering about that horn...
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,511
    @kmakm
    What part of Melbourne are you from?  Are you still in treatment?  There's a program called Ex-Med Cancer, link, 
    http://www.exmedcancer.org.au/
    that you may find beneficial in helping get you back on your way................just a thought!
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Thank you @iserbrown. I am set to commence a highly recommended exercise physiology programme on the 4th June. Exercise & education. If I feel like more after that, and I may, I'll check it out. I clicked on the link and I think one of their sites is doable for me.
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    I had at a pts moment when if all things they were selling pink merchanise in October. I recalled being there in my scarf and needing to sit every 50 feet from exhaustion the year before. These things creep up on you. Just breathe and ride the wave of emotion. Avoiding situations just leads to more avoidance. Good you could talk through  it with a counsellor. Never feel embarrassed or ashamed for reliving the emotion. Acknowledging it will help you heal. X
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Thank you @Primek. I was shocked by the strength of my reaction. Good words about avoidance. I'm not really one for doing that but after today I'd be tempted. My counsellor gave me a lot to think about today. I've got 'stuff' to process. Thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate it.