How should we greet a newbie ?

Romla

Call me niggly but I kinda wish we had another way of greeting new members than commiserating their joining our band of ladies. I don't think we should celebrate anyone's bc diagnosis but could we lighten a newbie's load by just saying welcome or howdy or whatever is needed to make them feel comfortable that they have found support and understanding - it's tough enough having the diagnosis and reaching out to total strangers . The warmth and kindness you ladies showed me when I joined meant more than anything to me at the time - it didn't reinforce my sadness but made me feel safe.

Cynth6

I don't think anyone here "celebrates" a newly diagnosed lady. We are all here to support one another.  

socoda

Hi @Romla, can understand your reasoning with that but I don't think anyone has taken the welcome to be a congratulatory message rather just what it is, a show of concern and understanding. I'm all for a way of acknowledging our newest but for the life of me can't think if a way to do it that doesn't acknowledge that they don't want to be here any more than we do. Xx Cath

iserbrown

Niggly, Oh I am sorry if you think we are being insensitive or similar in commiserating and or celebrating however, when you are greeting a stranger, who is reaching out, I would like to think the stranger is happy that we have invited them in with a welcome and an assurance that there are lots of us here with similar stories willing to make the lonely hours feel better amongst all the other emotions that comes along, especially at the outset!

[Deleted User]

There are a lot of ways to greet people. It depends on the individual I guess. If other women are like me, they might have read other posts before posting their first comment. This isn't really a place any of us wants to be, in the world of cancer and all that it entails. Acknowledging this doesn't make people feel worse. A simple hi is nice too. I also think it's where I'm at at the moment, but sometimes some forums can actually make you feel a bit down and I say that as a recent whinger.  

Romla

@Cyhth6 @socoda.@iserbrown and anyone else who has read my post .My sincere apologies if I have caused distress by my comment - the relief I felt discovering this site when I felt lost and hopeless - it was a lifeline at a very low point. I did not mean to suggest anyone was being insensitive - to know you were all there and managing your lives as well as the practical guidance pulled me out of a dark hole I did not know how to get out of by myself. I am constantly astounded by this community  - the support shown and acceptance of each other is quite special.

AllyJay

Hi there @Romla . The way I read your post was that you were asking if there was a slightly more "middle ground" that could be used when putting out the welcome mat. Potentially different welcomes could be the "We're so sorry that you've joined us" type of response, and on the other side (or extreme) would be the "Oh hi So and So....we're so glad you've joined our band of sisters (and a few brothers) in arms. The latter would quite obviously be totally inappropriate, as none of us "celebrate" a newly diagnosed member joining our support group, whatever the welcome. I got the impression that you were thinking of a more neutral hello, that is just a warm word of welcome and an open offer of support and information at the speed and level of intensity that would subsequently manifest itself as the new member got over her initial shock and settled in.
 Hugs (((  ))) Ally.

Romla

Thanks @AllyJay that is what I was trying to say but I accept I didn't say it well as I could have 

Ann-Marie

Hi @Romla I just wanted to jump into the conversation here to say, it's very important for us to make sure that everyone who comes to the BCNA online network feels welcomed and supported right from the very beginning. The beauty of this network is that everyone is very different and the way we welcome each new member will be different from person to person. Knowing that someone is here and is listening is the most important thing

Romla

Accept your point @Ann-Marie_BCNA

PamelaP

Here here!    @LucyE you expressed perfectly how I feel about finding myself in this world of breast cancer

adean

I always try to let somone know lm 5 years post diagnosis, some people find this a comfort that you do go on. But lm always honest and say there are good bad and better times. Just my opinion

Zoffiel

I don't think it matters that much what is said, as long as there is a welcoming response and that it happens promptly.

It must be awful for someone new to the site to have their first post viewed 20 times and not have any feedback. 

Yes, I understand that a great many members rarely post anything and I am not suggesting that anyone should feel pressured to participate. However if you are reading this and feel 'I dont think I could, I don't want to muck it up' relax. Just say hi, I remember feeling like you do and leave it at that. We are all in this together, after all.

LMK74

Totally agree with you @Zoffiel.

Romla

It is a roller coaster with hard times made bearable when you know life can and will go on - I get a lot of delight from just seeing some local bc ladies out and about in my suburb let alone a fab photo on here of a member in motorcycle gear beaming up at the camera - I can manage if I know that.

Romla

I value your wisdom @Zoffiel you are right