Best Of

Hi @Kaz27
Sorry to see you here but as others have said we are a wealth of information between us, those that have gone before us, us and those, like you, starting out!

I am a firm believer that stress has a lot to do with the state we find ourselves in - my life was extremely stressful leading up to the BC diagnosis.  I had to reassess what I was doing volunteer and workwise, snub the bullies, and more importantly always smiled and said hello to the bullies when I came across them, to prove their crap may have sat heavy but I have risen up above it and never let on about my cancer diagnosis to them!

For me personally I am fortunate to have been married for a very long time and my hubby is as supportive as he was from the first time, we went out together!  My stresses are a little different now as I am a full-time carer for a younger sister with Dementia!  It's watching someone you love to deteriorate, and you can only nurture and accept and repeat the answer to a question asked over and over!

I agree with others advice, please seek some counselling - your personal life sounds in turmoil but at present you need all your emotional and physical energy to cope with and beat this, Cancer!  Counselling hopefully will give you some coping mechanisms.  Both on a personal level and on the Cancer level.   I was put with a Counsellor the day of diagnosis and her advice was if you feel yourself starting to stress out then pat your legs saying this is me, this is now and true enough it works, as your thoughts are concentrating on the patting and yourself, it brings you into the now!

Lots of help here, just please don't belt yourself up over the diagnosis, it is what it is and there's plans in place to hopefully beat it!

Sad to read of the plight of your son and daughter in law.

Best wishes
Take care

Hi @Shenners

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis and that you've been through a tough few years.

I had a bilateral skin sparing mastectomy (ie nipples removed) and direct to implant surgery in May 2024 for invasive ductal cancer, with a sentinel node biopsy at the same time.  I saw an oncoplastic surgeon who could complete both the breast removal and the implant insertion in one go (to limit the number of surgeries required).  Implants were recommended due to not enough of my own flesh being available for a DIEP flap recon.

I went through the private system and was out of pocket approx. $6,500 for the surgeon and anesthetist after private health and Medicare.

Surgery took approx 4 hours (less than DIEP flap) and I was in hospital for 5 days.  I stayed in until my surgical drains came out, but a home nurse was available if I wanted to discharge with the drains in.  Managing a drain on each side can be tricky and uncomfortable.

Pain was manageable and I stopped taking the pain killers on my return home.  Movement was restricted for a few weeks (and no driving for two weeks), but I was provided with physio exercises to do straight away and these helped gain mobility back.  

Before heading to hospital, I purchased a reclining camping chair (as this was cheap and we didn't have a proper recliner) which helped me to sleep on my back at home - I slept in it for the first week home and then went back to a normal bed, but still on my back.  To avoid any arm extension, I moved my favourite kitchen items (ie coffee cup etc) to a lower cupboard and made sure I didn't carry any heavy things (ie shopping bags, full washing baskets) for approx. 1 month.  You also may not be able to hang washing on the line, so I recommend getting a metal rack thing and doing light loads only.

I am happy with my implants, although they will need to be changed out in 10-15 years.  I don't need mammograms, but do have a yearly ultrasound.

All the best and feel free to ask any questions xx

Gosh, you've had an extremely hard time of it in the lead up to your diagnosis, @Shenners xx.

Sending you big hugs xx. I lost my husband to cancer 2.5 years ago & know just how heart breaking it is to lose your wonderful partner xx.  I saw a grief counselor up here - I hope you'll be able to see someone soon (or ring our helpline, info below, in the meantime.) xx  Make sure you ask your medical team to point you to some counseling too xx  In the meantime, have a listen to Charlotte Tottman's Podcasts, as she covers an awful lot of topics, having been diagnosed with BC herself & having a double mastectomy & remaining flat.  She is very easy to listen to & very much 'common sense' & calming  xx
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html

Have you been assigned a Breast Care Nurse yet?  They should be a wonderful support for you as well.  And if you want to speak to someone here, ring our helpline 1800 500 258 Mon-Fri, 9-5 xx They've come back 'on line' today, after the Xmas break.

I have no doubt that your family & friends will muck in together to help you out with meals & stuff (mowing, gardening, helping with the kids when you are not able) so make sure you take them up on any offer xx   Even work out a roster, maybe?  In the mean time, consider cooking & freezing some meals now if you can - to make it a bit easier later one when you are home again.  

Having fairly young kids too, There are also various organisations (like Canteen and Red Kite and Camp Quality) where they give kids (who's parent has cancer) the chance to meet up with other kids in the same boat & just have fun together.  Your hospital Social Worker should be able to point you to local organisations who may be able to help too.  Your Breast Care Nurse may also be able to point you to relevant organisations, too. xx

Re your surgery - I only had a lumpectomy - your surgeon will be able to fill you in on the recovery - as it depends on whether you are having immediate reconstruction, or have to wait for it!  We have 2 groups here that you may like to join today (so you can read up tonight before seeing the surgeon tomorrow!  Maybe call the Helpline, for that??) Reconstruction & those who choose to remain flat.  

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/group/1-choosing-breast-reconstruction

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/group/29-flat-chat-no-breast-reconstruction

You can also read up on other areas of the forum that may interest you, here (including some tick sheets on your mental & physical recovery, post op.) 
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-new-online-network-members#latest

take care, be kind to yourself, you are being a superwoman just now xx  Take things one day at a time, one hour at a time, if needs be xx  Wishing you all the best for tomorrow xx

Dear @Shenners

No-one ‘deserves’ cancer but you have been through quite enough without this. Your practical approach and resilience is outstanding. I’m sure you have moments when it’s not so good but under the circumstances you are to be utterly commended.

I had a single mastectomy and no reconstruction so I can’t advise on bilateral
surgery or reconstruction. But the latter can be time intensive and possibly expensive depending on your circumstances. In due course your surgeon can give you more details.